Common Cents in Wilmington NC

I Am An American

On my mom's side of my family, I am related to George Soule, one of the original Mayflower travelers. At one point in time, my family owned much of the eastern coast of the USA. Chevy Chase, Maryland was built and named by a relative. Many of my family fought in the wars to free America and I take my responsibility to carry forth their mission very seriously.

My only weapon is my words.

They fought to be free of oppression.
They fought to be free to speak their mind.
They fought to be free to arm themselves.
They fought to be free to worship as they chose.
They fought to be free to have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

While they were defending these rights, they were thinking of themselves of course, and changing the face of their existence, but they also considered all those who would come after. They didn't want their descendants to have a life that was anything less than free.

They are turning over in their graves at the state of our union today. Is this what they wanted when they envisioned the America of the future? I think not.

Wisdom Part 1

I've been doing interviews with those artists (musicians) who passed over for a while now. I have been talking to some of the most incredible artists. Billie Holliday and Bessie Smith are the farthest back in time that have come forward so far, but I know that as word spreads there, more artists will come forward. I thought I would share some words of wisdom given to me:

Jim Morrison "There is a part of me that is that Jim, but it's not all of me."

George Harrison " Sometimes between those two it was difficult for anybody to recognize that we were also in the room. Big egos, big asses."

John Lennon "Before everything big happened we were just a friendly lot of guys, just friends from a small town."

Janis Joplin "I think I did what I wanted to do the first time around when I was Janis, and it felt like I was creating something. I think the second time when I came back as Amy Winehouse, it felt like I was trying to recreate it."

Elvis Presley "I jam with others who are here and I watch others where you are to see who needs help. I've worked with many but they don't know it."

Johnny Cash "I came from nothing, I came from nowhere. My people weren't big people. And I always felt most comfortable with people that sounded like me, that lived like e,. I always thought to myself, those are my people."

Kurt Cobain "For me happy is that state where you are trouble-free, relaxed, excited. Sort of like an orgasm but in your head."

Karen Carpenter "I've been gone for a long time, a very, very very long time. And it seems as if the music that is popular now is not the music that I was interested in. Although I seem to still be a pretty big hit at weddings."

Michael Hutchence "There were people I played with, I wouldn't have been the person I was, the musician I was, without them. I got the opportunity I had because I was backed by great musicians, they made me better than I was."

Freddie Mercury "You want to know what the real story is? I was just a guy, gay, not sure, I was just in love. Doesn't matter, just matters how that person makes you feel."

Robin Gibb "I think that the music of the '60s was about revolution and I think that the music of the '70s was about battle fatigue and trying to find a new way to live and the music of the '80s was about rebuilding. That's how I phrase it in my head anyway."

Cass Elliot "My heart gave out. I think it had been stress and drugs and no sleep and a life of hard living. There was a couple of hours where I felt like I was so exhausted, I couldn't breathe. I had been partying, talking, eating, laughing. But I had felt like I was starting to lose steam and I went home. I felt like every step I was taking was a strong effort. I almost collapsed in the bed and I thought, I have got to take a few days to myself. Then, when I got in bed I kept taking these breaths, but I felt like I couldn't get a deep enough breath. It felt like the world was slowing down. Then I realized I'm really sick. I'm really, really sick here. And then I must've fallen unconscious because the next thing I knew I was out of my body."

David Bowie "I had a great life, then I got sick. I knew I was dying. I just let go. I wish I would've helped more people become what they wanted to. That's what it's all about you know, helping each other. Here I can help but there has to be intent on the other side, strong intent. If we are called upon, we will help. Humans don't believe this is true but it is true. Sit in silence, call us, we will come. Doesn't matter who you are, we will try to visit all that are sincere in their intent."

Syd Barrett " There are no rules or expectations, those are human things. We don't live by those here. When you leave that body you leave all the bad behind. Nobody bothers anybody else, we all just go our own way."

Whitney Houston "Nothing will ever make you happy if you can't find yourself. Pray, ask for help from the Universe. Don't take mind-altering substances, you won't be able to receive your direction."

Michael Jackson "I am an artist, a son, a father. I am just like everybody else in that sense. My life is no different than yours internally. I have access to more than others but that doesn't make me happy."

Death Is The Best Thing That Can Happen To The Living

I recently interviewed Syd Barrett, one of the founding members of Pink Floyd. During our conversation, Syd said "Death is the best thing that can happen to the living." and I immediately knew I had to write something using this phrase. In fact here is the conversation:

Rene' "Where you are now, are you happy?

Syd "Oh yes, what’s not to be happy about. No pressure, no expectations, it’s great here."

Rene' "Are you going to come back here and try again?"

Syd "I’ve considered it. There are some items that I do need to address, things that I wanted to accomplish but didn’t. There’s no rush to do it, I’ll make up my mind when I am ready."

Rene' "So there’s no rules, no expectations?"

Syd "No, those are human things. We don’t live by those here. When you leave that body you leave all the bad behind and your soul doesn’t keep track of anything. You just live, pure and simple. No right, no wrong, just live your way, whatever that is. Nobody bothers anybody else. We all just go our own way."

Rene' "Looking forward to being there someday."

Syd "Death is the best thing that can happen to the living."

Rene "Love that, sounds like a song."

Syd "Help yourself, you’re the poet, write the poem then turn it into a song. It’s not that hard to do."

Rene "Thank you, Syd."

Syd "I appreciate your interest in my life there."

Rene "And where you are now is just as important, if not more."

Syd "I’ll tell you what I can. We’re very limited as to what we can divulge."

Rene' "I appreciate the time you gave me today. I hope that hearing from you will help anyone who is still struggling with your passing."

Syd "Let me know when you finish that song, I’d like to hear it."

What follows is my poem/song. What comes next is learning how to write a song.

Death Is The Best Thing That Can Happen To The Living

Letting go of things we love.

Being stuck with things we don’t.

Every day I give thanks that I am here,

But I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

You see

Death is the best thing that can happen to the living.

It is our reward for enduring this adventure called life.

Living is hard, dealing with the ups and downs

And ins and outs.

But life is long and hard my friend

And it ain’t no fun getting older.

So be prepared to spend most of your time

Being unhappy.

You see

Death is the best thing that can happen to the living.

It is our reward for enduring this adventure called life.

If you make it to the finish line alive,

You will reap your reward.

Life is what you make it,

Not quite true.

We have no control over our destiny,

It is what it is.

Try as hard as you can,

You still won’t get what you want,

What you deserve,

If it isn’t what you’re supposed to have or be,

You see

Death is the best thing that can happen to the living.

It is our reward for enduring this adventure called life.

If you make it to the finish line alive,

You will reap your reward.

Like climbing the mountain,

Almost to the top,

My foot slips

And I fall.

Back to the beginning.

What did I do wrong?

I followed the directions,

Obeyed the instructions,

Did the best I could.

Why do I still fail to

Reach the top of the mountain,

The peak of life?

You see

Death is the best thing that can happen to the living.

It is our reward for enduring this adventure called life.

If you make it to the finish line alive,
You will reap your reward.

Advice From "The Otherside" Edgar Allen Poe

I have a special relationship with Edgar. He stepped forward during a reading I was having with Myrna back in October 2019. I had been speaking with those passed over during my readings but it was always a family member. Until that day.

Myrna looked at me and said, "Edgar Allen Poe is asking permission to speak with you." I just sat there for a minute and tried to let that sink in. "Is he a relation?" was all that came out of my mouth. "No, you are kindred souls," he said through Myrna. Edgar says he wants to write through you. "What does that mean, channeling?" was my next comment. He said "Sort of" and I said ok. He let me know that he would be in touch to discuss.

Two days later I began t work with EEP on our book, "Dear Mr. Poe...Just Call Me Edgar." (Now available on Amazon Books, shameless self-promo. So what.) It's a book of free-form poetry and brings together the best of both of us.

What follows is some advice to me from Edgar about becoming a writer.

EDGAR ALLEN POE

"The writer has a process that only the writer can see. No one else understands the writer's labor and very few people have faith in it until there is a finished product. It’s a lonely place and I think that maybe a lot of the fear is rooted inside of that. It is the reason why so many writers look for sources of comfort because they feel the information coming through and everyone else is saying yes, you must clean the bathroom or you must vacuum the rug and you are thinking why such mundane things when I have the entire Universe at my fingertips. Ultimately, you can only rely on yourself to carry forth the task in front of you. Ultimately it is your resolve whether or not you choose to craft the narrative that others may read for the fulfillment of their understanding.

What is the focus that you want to bring? Remove the idea that people have to think a certain way, you cannot make others process like you. Instead, say to yourself, for those who understand my internal language, for those who understand what I am writing or why I must write, this is just a little story for you. Ultimately for every writer, you are writing for yourself. And once it is complete you send it out to see if others will care for this small changeling you’ve given birth to. Don’t think any longer about other people. Think only of the subject matter. Take the Universe and bring it down to the smallest grain of rice. And write about that. Give people the commonality of the experience of being alive."

Advice From The "Otherside" Norman Mailer

Norman Mailer kicked my ass. Norman is a friend of Jim Morrison. Jim and I have had conversations about writing and he has given me some wonderful advice about life. Jim mentioned me to Norman and what follows is the advice Norman gave me about writing.

NORMAN MAILER

"I think you are putting together a process. An infrastructure as it were. I think that the very first thing you have to do is figure out the process before you put in the people. Process first people afterward. People are messy, the process keeps things clean. And you can understand what you need from them, what you are looking for, and what needs to be tossed aside. Have you made a decision about what you want to write about, the artist, or the issue? It doesn't seem as if the issue is what's hitting at you, musicians are notoriously messy when it comes to how they live their lives. You ask one question and you get 6 hours worth of conversation and only 20 minutes of it is usable and then it has to be edited down. It's not the people, it's the work and if you want to be on target with the scope, then you have to be on target with your process. The process is what does your workday consist of? And that’s the fear. If you want to deal with things, feelings, and messiness, you have to have a place that does not change. You have to have a desk, and paper, and ink and you have to have a notepad. You have to have the things that you need to process the information. You have to put together what your time at your desk looks like. If you're going to pour your heart and soul into paragraphs, it has to be worth it. There has to be something productive and you need to be productive with it. My advice would be to begin thinking about what happens during the time that you're working. And then to be disciplined with that. So many words per day or so many interviews per day, or so much research per day and you complete that and it is simply what it is. If you want to be the master of your craft then you have to be the master of your craft. There isn't any excuse for anything to impede your progress once you’ve started. Once you’ve started you’ve made a commitment to complete the work, you’ve made a commitment to your subjects, you’ve made a commitment to yourself, those things have to be in your mind every single time, I am going to write these pages, I am going to complete this project, then I can fall apart, then I can disbelieve. But all of that has to go to the side while I am creating it. Do you understand that?"

Advice From The "Otherside" George Harrison

What follows is a conversation George Harrison and I had about my insecurities in this new realm of life that I now live.

GEORGE HARRISON

"It feels a little like you were warming up to us and you got cold. I’ve had my issues with stage fright, I can completely understand yours. And yet when it came time I had to perform, that’s what I was contracted to do. And I imagine you are still wrestling with the idea of contracting to do this work. That's something you need to think about, because it’s voluntary, but it seems to be sitting on top of you. Because you are interested because you are willing to listen because you are willing to find the balance, you were given this gift. We’re not all right you know, not all of us. And we’re not all wrong. There's a balance there. The artistic temperament is different, we live in a different world, we answer our calls immediately and sometimes we are out of balance with that. I think you understand that concept. And I don't think that if you can frame anything in terms of worthiness that anybody qualifies to do anything. I think the question is readiness. Are you ready to do it? Do you have room for it? Are you willing to give it space? You have a desire for it, but are you really ready to step forward? You know sometimes, I couldn’t remember the next chord to play, it would just vanish out of my head but it was still in my fingers. I could still figure out with my fingers where to go even though my brain went blank. I think it has to be the same thing for you, you may say it went cold for a minute or I’m not sure but you still have to write something. You still have to say well let me get information that I can get from the other side let me see what the sources are let me understand where the story comes together how does it dovetail? No matter how much you speak to us, there’s a hell of a lot of research you need to do and that can be the place that you begin to find your footing. It's interesting that in any amount of writing or journalism or speaking about it always comes down to my truth, your truth, and then the truth that’s somehow in the middle. And that's what you're looking for, the truth that's somehow in the middle. I may say we were treated unfairly or I was treated unfairly, somebody else may say that was not how it was and maybe that's true and maybe it's not. And you are there with the puzzle pieces trying to figure out decades later what really happened there. So maybe that’s not even am I hearing it or receiving it, I think maybe it’s do I have the ability to put the puzzle pieces together? Can I get all of the information in such a big task when so many of these people are gone? And get a feeling for what really happened and who we really were. None of us are the same people that the publicists and The Machine made us out to be. We were all just human beings trying to figure it out."

George: "What's your favorite word?"

Rene': "Peace."

George: "Why is that your favorite word?"

Rene': "believe that's where you find true happiness."

George: "Can you show me a picture of peace?"

Rene: (I hold up a photo of sunrise that I love, that makes me feel peaceful.)

George: "This is a picture of sunlight and clouds, and water, where is the actual picture of peace?"

Rene': "There is no picture of peace, this makes me feel peace."

George:"AHA, that’s correct. You’re looking at something that cannot be touched. Your favorite word is of something that is ethereal. And if you can resort back to that and to say well I can’t touch peace I know it when I feel it but I can’t touch it. It’s no different than when you say I know I am talking to them I just can't touch them."

Advice From The "Otherside" Jim Morrison

I've been gifted with the ability to speak to those passed over. It's not something I was born with or even knew I could do. Gifts are like that sometimes, they don't appear in your life until you are able to understand and use them. I was 63 when mine appeared.

Since I have had this ability, I have been producing a podcast with my husband, a radio announcer for over 50 years.

Along with some really good interviews, I have received some really insightful advice about life from Jim Morrison, George Harrison, John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, and writers of note, Edgar Allan Poe and Norman Mailer.

I have decided to share this advice with the world.

I was having difficulty accepting this gift, being able to communicate with the otherside, doubting the reality that I am worthy. Jim Morrison gave me this wonderful gift of guidance.

Jim Morrison

"We’re all lighter than air toots, all of us. And we float like puffs from a dandelion in the air. You are no more real than I am. You're my dream I'm your dream. All we have between us are the thoughts between us. We connect differently, it's electric. Our neural pathways are what’s connecting. The minute that you stop to question how it works, the minute you begin to look for infrastructure, the minute you begin to say I need brick and mortar, you’re saying I don't want to connect my neural pathway to yours. None of us is bigger than the other and none of us has work that's bigger than the other and that’s the fear, that you think, what could we possibly have to say to one another. Maybe it's just enough that we both got lost in the music together, maybe it's just enough that you are willing to listen to what I have to say and that I am willing to hear you too. You talk a lot about your connections with that other dude but you listen to him when you talk to him, have the conversation with us too, some of us are worth the time and effort, maybe that's all of us. That's all for now."

Just Imagine

How awesome it

Would be if we

Could travel back

In time and re-live 5 years.

I’ll take 14-19, those

Most formative

Years where you make decisions

About the rest of your life.

Although you have no life experience

And

You are really horny.

Chains

Never felt I lived the

Life I was supposed to.

Stuck in this mediocre life

When I know I am intended

To do so much more.

What do you do?

Always been too broke

And too scared

To take the ultimate chance

And bust out

Of these chains of oppression.

Never happy, I know there is more

Do you walk away?

Do you go it alone and figure it out?

I Ruminate

From time to time I ruminate on, alright so it's all the time. The point is, I think about my lot in life, and although I am an evolved human type, and believe where you are is where you are supposed to be, I still get pissed when I see people who have achieved their dreams.

Surely this life of mine is not what you intended for me. Is it? Well, by my own reasoning above, yes it is, Rene'.

So what now? Give in, give up, embrace the life you have?

I don't think so. I don't want to go down without a fight, even though the Universe has the deck stacked against me.

As long as you are still breathing, it is not too late to achieve your dream, you just have to get over your fear and DO IT!

I know, easier said than done, right?

Well, how bad do you really want it?

Birthday Wrap

Birthdays.

Fun when you’re young

Notsomuch now as the passing

Of each one signals

Another brick in your wall.

I made it here

Another year.

As for me

I’m waiting for my reward

On the otherside.

Comfy Chair

COMFY CHAIR

I’m sitting here

In my comfy chair

Writing poetry

And contemplating

The meaning of life

And what I’m gonna

Fix for my Dad’s dinner.

Boy I don’t feel

Like cooking.

Dad can’t cook for

Himself anymore

So there is no choice.

I liked my

Life better when

I had choices.

For The Love Of Cadee Cat

Sometimes we are

Surprised by the souls

We become attached to.

Sometimes it's a

Soul you wouldn't

Touch with a ten-foot pole.

"Not my type, you'd say."

"Nope, not interested."

And day after day the

Little soul who loved you

Showed you it didn't matter if

You loved her,

Because she loved you.

And one day you

Realize that you do

Love the little

Soul who loves you.

And you are happy

For a while until

The little soul

Who loves you

Gets sick

And

Dies.

And those are the

Souls that hurt

The worst

When they go.

I love you Cadee Cat,

RIP Meom

Inspiration

From time to time, I get discouraged. Things aren't going the way I want them to. Success is taking too long in my impatient mind. Is anybody reading my stuff? Have I touched anyone?

Then I remember something my Aunt Cheryl wrote to me after she received my first book:

"So many of your poems stirred up feelings in my soul."

And I remind myself that my writing is not for everyone, the souls who get it will know it was written for them.

And I start writing again.

We Are So Lucky

That we were

Born when

We were.

Experiences

That no

Other generation

Will ever have.

Going from

Carbon paper

To a computer,

Telephone

Without a cord,

Robots,

Microwave ovens,

All this progress

In a mere few

Years.

Can you relate?

Then you

Get it.

Death Once More

So I

Am not

Afraid to

Let my

Body die.

My soul

Will go on

To some

New adventure,

I am immortal.

Cool.

Alright, Cut The Crap

I am sick to death of all the hatred. Not just negativity, plain outright hatred. Normally nice people are so angry about the shenanigans in Washington that they are being hateful and disrespectful to each other. I experienced it firsthand on Facebook. Whipped into a frenzy by the media and their biased ideas, sides are chosen and lines are not crossed.

There is no compromise, no empathy, no forgiveness, just mean, nasty, hatred. All because a group of fellow Americans hates President Trump. So what happens now, people? Does this just continue? For how long?

Is there no end in sight?

Well, I have a few suggestions:

Stop watching the news channels. And let them know why you are no longer going to watch their hate spewing. While you are at it, write to their advertisers and let them know you will no longer be using their products until the stations they advertise on cut the crap and report the real news.

Stop posting and forwarding negative commentary on Facebook, Instagram, and whatever other social media there is.

Just say no to discussing politics, especially with people you know do not share your beliefs.

Don't allow the negativity of others to influence you. Just because political parties are dysfunctional, doesn't mean we have to jump aboard their hate train.

Instead of focusing on finding fault, look at the positive side of the situation. Like how is your 401K doing?

Look, people will always disagree, we are not robots all programmed to think the same thoughts. It takes compromise and negotiation to find the sweet spot where agreement between two different ideas is found. We can agree to disagree.

So cut the crap and let's get to work getting past this.

A Soul Is A Soul

Whether a soul

Is in

Human form

Dog form

Cat form,

A soul is a soul

And we love the soul,

Not the package It comes in.

Aging

Skin wrinkles

Bones shrink

Hair lessens

Begin to stink.

Pink Floyd

How could those so young

Possibly be able

To write lyrics

So profound

As they had

Not had time

To experience the

Feelings expressed.

Cats

Are you talkin' to me?

I am not in the mood.

That’s my seat.

Will you shut that yappy dog up?

What’s for dinner?

I need you to scratch this itch.

Got any catnip?

A little chilly in here, turn up the heat.

GEEZ PEOPLE.

Seventeen

I distinctly

Remember

Being

Seventeen

And thinking

I knew

Everything.

Why Can’t Every Day Be Christmas?

At least

In our hearts…..

If you can feel

Love and kindness,

Generous and happy

For one day,

Why can’t you

Feel that way

Every day?

Daughter

Few things are more

Complicated than the

Relationship between

Mother and daughter.

I love you

I hate you

I need you

I don’t need you

Leave me alone

Don’t leave me,

Daughter.

Tick-Tock

We don’t consider

That we begin to die

When we are born.

Tick-Tock.

We don’t consider

That the vessels we inhabit

Have an expiration date.

Tick-Tock.

We don’t consider.

We don’t consider

That we begin to die

When we are born.

Tick-Tock.

We don’t consider

That the vessels we inhabit

Have an expiration date.

Tick-Tock.

We don’t consider.

Not Everything In Life Is Bad

It’s easy

To point to

The things

In life that

Keep you from

Sleeping at night.

Don’t forget

About those

Things that make

You smile.

For Love Of Father

I will care for you

When you are old.

For love of father

I will pass on the wisdom

You have imparted over

My lifetime.

For Love of Father

I am glad

That I am your daughter.

Hey, I Wrote A Book! With Edgar Allan Poe....

Hey, I Wrote A Book! With Edgar Allan Poe

So, you may have heard that I finally wrote the freaking book. Took me long enough. Now the hurdle begins as I wrote this book with Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, the same. He contacted me during a psychic reading I was having with a friend, who is a medium. Unsolicited. He asked if I would write with him.

Um, what exactly is writing with you, you are on the other side and I am here, how does that work? That's what I was thinking but of course, all that came out was, "Is that like channeling?" He responded that it was similar but never really explained what would happen. I decided to take a leap of faith here, as I knew my friend Myrna would not let me proceed if she wasn't confident of his identity.

A couple days after the reading it happened, I did it, really, but it wasn't easy. Edgar has strong energy compared to my Olive Oyl energy, so it was physically draining, although while I was "in the channel," it was the most amazing feeling ever, like a pitcher pitching a no-hitter. Or a car racer winning whatever it is they win.

I have been trying to write a book for years and was never able to do it. Oh, I can write magazine articles all day long, and song lyrics and poems, not to mention commercials, but a book? With lots of words? Nah, I pass.

Besides, I did think about writing poems or even better, song lyrics but hey, I got no creds. So, now that this has happened, I guess I have a direction. And I really feel that I will write the songs, that make the whole world sing, courtesy of Mr. Manilow.

Now I just have to find folks that are swimming in the same pool as me. Jump in if you want to see where this goes.......

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1710991291/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Masters Of Our Own Destiny Or Just Actors In The Play Of Life?

I have a question......

If our lives

Are pre-determined,

Our destiny already

Decided for us,

Then are we responsible

For anything we do on earth?

Aren’t we just fulfilling

Our obligation,

After all,

We agreed

To live this life,

Right?

Stop Feeding The Beast

When we get

What we desire,

We find something

Else to desire.

That is your beast,

Always wanting more.

Your beast is never

Going to be 100% satisfied.

Stop feeding it.

Me

Something growing,

Deep inside,

Gnawing, trying to get out.

What is it?

Me.

Knock Knock

I’m here,

Where are you?

Doesn’t seem fair

That you know

And see all

And I am clueless.

Are you here?

I can’t tell.

Guess I haven’t worked

Hard enough.

Life Is A Beautiful Thing

If you can get past being

A human.

Ego is supposed

To keep us in check

Yet it seems to take liberties.

Manipulating our thoughts

To suit

What the Ego wants.

Not how I want to

Live anymore,

Ego.

Get out of my head.

There isn't room for you

Anymore.

It is filled with love.

Wake Up

How is it you wake up

One day and you are 60.

That can't be right,

What happened to 55, 50, 45,

Drops in a bucket,

Time is gone

And you don't get it back.

Move on,

Look forward,

Not back.

Am I doing it right,

Livin' up to the age?

You are a senior

You know,

Very different

Then the last time

You were a senior,

In high school.

Life was just beginning.

Now senior means an ending.

But not really an ending for you.

You go on.

Your spirit lives to fight another day.

This lifetime,

This vignette,

Is coming to a close.

Don't know when

And that's okay,

I don't want to know.

Just be gentle

When it comes to that good night.

Accept what you have

And where you are.

Stop fighting the plan

And you will find peace.

How Do You Like Me Now?

Here I sit

Full of questions that will

Never be answered.

After all, how important is it all anyway?

Kind of silly really, we take things so seriously

In this nonsensical life.

Can't sing, can't dance, can't play an instrument.

What am I good for?

Too many people in the world.

Tired of trying to figure out why I am here,

What am I supposed to do?

Just live?

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Sometimes it's hard to believe

That we've gotten this far.

What with the liars and thieves,

Philanderers and cheaters,

Those in power abusing those

They have power over.

Accusations are now accepted as truths,

Word against word.

Who's right?

Our government is a joke,

More "what can I do for myself,"

Instead of "how can I help you?"

Is it like this everywhere or

Just in the land of opportunity?

Scaredy Cat

Has it hit you in the gut yet?

You know, that feeling you get

In the pit of your stomach

When you think

Of something scary,

Like your own ending?

Five or ten years,

No big deal

When I was just a kitten.

Now, five or ten years, wow,

Not sure I have them.

Dropping like flies,

Too many already gone.

How can I stop this,

This time whizzing by?

Slow down please,

Let me catch up.

Reality Just Spit In My Eye

I've recently realized how out of touch with reality I have been in my life. "I'll never look old like that" or my favorite "I'll never let myself get fat like that" are coming back and spitting right in my eye. Delusional me felt that I would age, but just a little. I would still retain my good skin and hair. And I will always be skinny.

Um, no.

Dear Delusional Me,

OK, sit down, I am going to tell you the truth.

You are a sack of bones and skin that will eventually rot from the inside out.

You were born and you will die and between the two you will have some fun and spend lots of time not having fun.

You can't change the realities but you can change the way you live with them. It's all in your attitude. Let's get on the right track, the track that will lead you to the joy and happiness you have sought these 60 some years.

Go.

Right Here, Right Now

This is your reality.

Not yesterday,

Not tomorrow,

Here and now.

So hard to keep your focus

When the world swirls

Around and around.

Close your eyes,

Take a deep breath,

Remember to be

In the now.

Go In

Looking for guidance?

Go in.

Clear your human mind

And listen

To the voice within.

That's who you should listen to,

Not the never satisfied ego.

Remember- we are a spiritual being

Having a human experience.

Shouldn't you listen to the one

Who knows?

March

Running away doesn't solve anything,

Makes matters worse sometimes.

If you're not happy here,

You won't be happy there.

You take you with you.

Stand up straight and tall,

Shoulders back.

Now march straight into it.

Feel better?

Where Are My Keys?

It's happening to me,

Something that I thought

Would happen to everyone else,

Not me.

Getting older,

Losing my edge.

Wait, I don't feel older

In my mind.

But my hand is my mother's,

My waistline out of control.

Oh shit,

Where are my keys?

Where's My Do-Over

Where's My Do-Over?

I wish I had a dollar

For every time I promised to change.

New year, old year, the result is the same.

Good intentions don't mean a thing

If you aren't gonna take the road not traveled.

You will just stay stupid

Waiting for the day that

You can live out your desires,

Be that person you always wanted to be.

Don't you know it's too late?

You missed the boat.

Didn't heed the call.

Now angry at life for not telling you this is it.

Can't go back and make it right.

Where's my do-over?

"Dear Dani" 12/21/17

Dear Dani: (my beautiful, smart, funny first grandchild)

There are a few things you need to know about life, it's not how you think it is. Right now you may think that you are ready to be an adult, trust me you are not. Read this and we can talk about it.

On boys: Do NOT have sex until you are old enough to handle the responsibilities of birth control and falling in love. Boys your age, most boys your age, only care about one thing, SEX. They do not love you and their balls will not explode if you don't "do it" with him. It is your job to be responsible and say no. Choose wisely, the cutest is not always the best bet. Choose men and friends that treat you well. And have the courage to end relationships that no longer work in your life.

On employment: Decide what you want to be when you grow up. It seems silly to have to decide something that is so important to the rest of your life when you are so young and inexperienced, but this is how it works. Go to school to learn a specific trade, don't just go to school to be in school, with no plan for the future. If you feel strongly about what you would like to do, do it. Don't be talked out of it, even if everybody says you can't be a lion tamer, if that is what you want to do, so be it.

On money: Don't spend more than you make. And get a job with a 401K retirement plan.

On friends: You will meet many people in your lifetime. Some of them will be friends for a lifetime and some of them will be friends for a small portion of your life. Like boys, you have to be careful who you let into your life. Friends are people you trust with your secrets, they can cause great damage if you trust the wrong person with a secret and they turn out to be a bad choice. Do not tell anyone anything that you would not want to be public.

On having children: Raising children is not fun all of the time. That little bundle of baby joy is a lot of work. Just know that.

On pets: See "On having children," applies here.

On cars and other stuff: A car is not a status symbol. It is a bucket of bolts that takes you from point a to point b. Get a car that is economical, even if it is not "cool." Don't overpay for things that you want. Do some research and find the lowest price before you buy.

On your body: Always wear sunscreen, the highest SPF as possible. Your skin is so fragile and such an important part of our bodies. Today's tan is tomorrow's wrinkles and skin cancer.
If you want a tattoo remember, like Herpes, a tattoo is forever. Think about how that tattoo will look when you are 80.
Never go to bed with makeup on. I don't care how tired you are, always wash your face before bed. Your skin will thank you for it. Don't mess with your haircolor. And speaking of hair, make sure you do deep conditioning at least weekly.
Take good care of your teeth. Brush twice daily. And floss once a day. Here's a tip....I used to keep floss sticks in my car and I would floss while driving. Really.
Keep up with your doctor and dentist. Visit each once a year.

Eat healthy most of the time. Limit fried food. And sweets. And soda.
Look at labels when you shop for food. Check the calories, carbs, and sugar.
Wash your face twice daily and use retinol before bed. Do masks as needed.

On make-up.....Less is more.

On Plan A: Follow your dreams, just remember that not all of your dreams will come true. So have a Plan B just in case you don't get what you want. And you may be mad about not getting what you want, that's okay, someday you will look back and see how this decision benefited you in the long run. Speaking of long run, when you are making a decision, consider how it will affect your life both short and long term.

On alcohol and drugs: Alcohol makes you act really stupid. And a hangover is the devils' revenge. Marijuana is okay in my book, as long as you are responsible while under the influence. You shouldn't drive while high and you shouldn't make important decisions while under the influence. Don't ever smoke weed that you are not familiar with, i.e., you are at a concert and someone is passing a joint. Not a good idea for you to take a toke when you don't know where it came from. Same with alcohol. And if you go to a bar, never take your eyes off of your drink. It should be in your hand 100% of the time.

On religion and politics: Keep an open mind about both. And never talk politics or religion with a group of people. Fastest way to get a fight started.

Be open-minded: There are three schools of thought: the positive, the negative, and no opinion. Don't make decisions until you have looked at all sides.

The next time you are tempted to be rude to someone because they were "terse" with you, remember that you don't know what is going on in their life. They may be having a bad day...had a fight with spouse, got their period today...you get my meaning here. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and at the end of the transaction I say, "Thank you (insert name here) for helping me and I hope you have a blessed day." Most folks are very appreciative that you noticed them and they usually soften right up.

Do ask someone to repeat what they said if you don't understand the first time. You would be amazed how many people, myself included, just nod and smile and say ok when we have no idea what was said. I have nodded, smiled, and said okay more than a few times, and doing this has cost me some very embarrassing moments that I will not share here. Trust me, just ask for clarification.

Follow your instincts.

Don't try to be perfect. No one is. Not even me. But when I was your age, I thought I was.

Never put your purse on the floor in the ladies' room. Major nasty germs. Ew.

Never put your fingers in your mouth. And biting your nails is oh so gross. Always wash your hands before you eat and after using the restroom.

Trust is earned.

If you ever wonder why you are here, what your purpose in life is, I would be happy to have that conversation with you. Whenever you are ready.

My mother, your great-grandmother, told me something before she died. She said 'don't have regrets, do what you want to do."
I am passing this on to you to do as you see fit.

Remember, when it comes to your life, there is only one person you have to please and that is yourself.

Ann Wilson Made Me Cry

Picture this: Carolina Beach, N.C.; March 2017; a young girl trapped inside an old broads body; Saturday night.

A tear slid down my cheek as I watched a video of Heart playing with the London Philharmonic. We all came up together; me and Ann and Nancy.

The girls were playing music and I was living with my future divorce. At least he loved Heart almost as much as me. I met him at a bar. I know. Well, he wasn't a pick-up, he was a friend of my friend's girlfriend. Anyway, we got our first apartment and a super expensive stereo system. He hooked it up, turned it on, and "Crazy on You" came blaring out of the speakers, pictures on the wall-shaking, mind you. At that moment I am both delighted and horrified: OMG that sounds awesome coming out of the speakers that we will never pay off and "Oh Shit, we have neighbors." I made him turn it down.

Heart.

Back to 2017. So why am I crying? Ann Wilson was in town. And I didn't go to see her.

Ann and Nancy have always inspired me. Cool rock chicks still getting it. Music that is ageless, voices that sound as great today as they did in 1976.

OK, now why was I crying? I was feeling sorry for myself when I started this tale whilst watching the girls belt it out. Then it hit me......I can do anything. That's what I used to tell myself back then, in the olden days. When I felt unsure or was doing some self-flagellation, I would throw on Heart and work it out.

I don't know why I stopped going to Heart, Ann and Nancy helped me navigate through the first part of my life. Come on girls, we have some catching up to do.

I can do anything.

Next time Ann comes to town I will be there. Hopefully in the front row (well it could happen). After all, I can do anything.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Can't We All Get Along?

Do you realize

That if you spent

As much time loving

And helping each other

There would be no room to hate?

Do you realize that hate poisons

Your soul? Hate hurts no one

But the hater. And that's you.

Yes you.

Clean up your act and live the

Way we were meant to,

In kindness and love for each other.

Change your thinking right now.

Be a better person.

You aren't going to be here forever.

Do it now while you can.

It's Hard to Love with a Heart Full of Hate

I felt it appropriate to spend my 60th New Years' Eve reflecting on the last 60 years and what I have learned. Ready?

You can't "find" your life-long partner, they just appear.

Boys are only interested in sex.

Yes, you will get old.

You need to live a healthy life right out of the gate. Parents are responsible for your health and well-being for the first 16 or so years, after that it's on you not to poison your body or mind.

There is no "Heaven" or "Hell", there is only "There." We are not meant to know where "There" is, so I will just have faith that it exists and my soul will go somewhere nice.

We chose this life for a reason; we spend our lives searching for it.

Keep family records, pictures etc. to pass along to the next generation. Start your family tree today so your descendants will know where they came from in this life.

Your body dies, your soul is released to go to its next assignment.

There are no coincidences.

And.....it's hard to love with a heart full of hate.

Namaste

Dumb Human

We can't get ahead because we can't get out of our own way. It isn't that difficult people, it's just life!

Sometimes I hate being a dumb human. Really.

I can imagine a whole other dimension of those that have gone before us watching our progress. You know they've got to be shaking their heads.

Here's one for the universe:
There are people who claim that thoughts will become things.
I have some weird-ass thoughts occasionally.
How then can the universe differentiate what is a thought that could be manifested, say like that great new life where I am rich and famous, from that thought that the something who lives under my bed is ready to grab my feet if they aren't under the covers?
Huh?

Why Are You Still Looking For Your Life's Purpose?

My daughter and kids (Dani 16, Tyler 15 and Kylie 11) recently moved away from the only town they have known as home for the last 10 years, in Wilmington NC. My daughter got a great job in Charleston SC, about 3-1/2 hours south. Off they went.

In life, you must always consider the consequences.

Following is the conversation I had with my 16-year-old granddaughter this evening. She was the most enthusiastic about moving, but once it was a fait accompli, well, life happened.

Me: It's NayNay, how are you?

Dani: Adjusting

Me: Adjusting means you are not happy.

Dani: It's just hard to move into a school year junior year and know no one. Mom doesn't quite understand that. I definitely miss home a lot.

Me: It doesn't seem like such a big deal until you realize that that part of your life is over. And then you get scared.

Dani: Yeah, it's slowly hitting me, and all my friends at home doing fun things, I'm here doing nothing, knowing no one.

Me: One thing I can tell you that helps me when I get where you are now is that you are where you are supposed to be for now until it changes again.

Dani: That's true, I know it'll get better.

Me: Never get too attached to anything because life changes every minute. Enjoy where you are now. That's all you have. You will meet new people and start a different life. It's hard but you do this over and over again for the rest of your life. Every so often life changes, my every so often is 10 years. Love you. Always here if you want to talk.

Dani: I know, thank you. Love you too.

So why am I still trying to find my life purpose?

DUH!

Nobody Tells "The Secret"

Letting go again and again. Don't get too attached, you'll only have to let it go.....doesn't matter what it is, everything goes.......your health, your looks, your pets, your friends, that great job...on and on.

So why don't they teach that in school? Why doesn't anybody tell you that everything is temporary? I may have been better prepared for this temporary life had someone told me it is only for a time, awhile.....not forever. No one mentioned that I am not one.......I am the soul, the spirit, in this human life, for this small amount of time.

But nobody told me. Nobody told me anything really, about life. I think we don't want to think about our temporary state of being a mortal, a human being. After all, we are that spiritual being having a human experience.

It would make life easier if we knew "The Secret" to our existence way before we reach 60ish. All that time I wasted, trying to hold onto that which cannot be contained. Nothing is permanent, everything is temporary, this is how we should live.

So why isn't anybody talking about it?

Who Said Writing Is Easy?

Writing is not easy for me. Gasp. Really. For me, it is a suffering like no other. Doesn't matter what it is, either. An interview, article, Tweet or Facebook post, writing causes me agita.

I have a friend who is in her 70's and just finished writing another book. ANOTHER book, I can't even squeeze out one.

Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I haven't figured out how to unlock the magic door to self expression. Does every other writer out there have to be in the mood to write?

Writing is a love/hate relationship for me. I love writing once I get an idea, usually. If I am forced to write, like when my deadline is here and I still don't have an idea, it's a coin toss. Maybe crap, may be great, who knows? We'll have to wait and see if the mood strikes me.

What I hate most is when I think that something I have written is epic. Then I re-read it and it is not.

I think I'll go mop the kitchen floor. At least I can see the progress I made doing that!

Suicide Isn't Painless

My grandfather, Dad's dad who emigrated from Hungary, ended his life on his terms. I was so young, only five when this happened. I do not remember him, only the day he died, because it was the first time I saw my Dad cry.

Suicide isn't painless, it hurts those who are left dealing with the human emotion of grief, while the deceased enter into the next stage of their spiritual journey. At peace in their existence while we suffer speculating on the why, rather than accepting that this is what the human and spiritual being agreed upon it's time to go. If you believe that we enter into this human life as a willing spiritual partner, prepared to take on the challenge of "being human" then you would have to agree.

My challenge in life has been getting over myself and rising up to be the person I know I can be. Sounds weird, but we all do it. Getting over yourself. The lower part of you, the human emotions who make it difficult to be an evolved being, trying to block us from being our true self.

It isn't given freely, this gift of connecting to your true self, it is meant to be a journey of discovery and overcoming being human with emotions that keep us rooted in the egoic self.

We are two beings...the human and the soul. Each has their own agenda, which is why our lives are so hard. It is up to us to bring these two pieces of ourselves together into this one being so that we can work on achieving our individual goals.

And what does this have to do with suicide? Everything. Before you decide to end your journey, make sure you have consulted your partner in this venture, the other half of yourself.

Tossin' And Turnin'. Not The Song. What I Did In Bed Last Night.

You know how you feel when you have the flu? So tired you just want to die; achy like you actually exercised only you didn't so there's no reason to be achy and that dull headache that doesn't go away. Pretty much how I feel most of the time. Especially the "tiredsees" the one where you are exhausted but can't sleep.

This is a relatively new situation for me, as I was a sleeper until the last few years. In fact, when I was younger, my Dad called me mattress back. Nowadays I'm lucky to get 5 or 6 good hours. This from the girl who won an award for sleeping the most. Yes, I have some mild sleep apnea but that isn't causing this, my diseases are the culprits here. Stupid highly sensitive nervous system.

Go to bed 11ish, roll around on the bed until 3ish. I even had company several times through the night as Bob the cat wanted to hang out and get some mommy love. Now Bob, really? I finally gave up and got out of bed. 3:30 a.m. Okay, so what do I do? I color my hair, of course. Put a layer of chrome with a little purple tinge and have to let it sit for one hour. No problem, I'm awake and can go water my outside plants, no rain forecast for at least a week, have to keep them hydrated. 20 minutes is all it took to water the flowers. The stuff on my hair has to stay on for one hour and I only killed 20 minutes. 40 to go. And guess what, I am getting tired. GREAT.

I decide to write, hey that'll wake me up, right? Wrong. I am trying to keep my head off the keyboard, I don't want to get hair dye all over it. 10 minutes passed, only 30 minutes now. Shit, 30 minutes. I am so tired I can't keep my eyes open. I am writing this with my eyes closed and my head hanging dangerously close to the keyboard. WAKE UP!!!!! This sucks.

I can't sit here, I have to move. I could go out into my studio and paint, nah, too tired, not in the mood. Still too dark out to do any real yard work. 4 more minutes pass, 26 left.

Re-dunk-uless the #Kardashian's would say. I like those folks. Maybe I should watch tv. Nah, nothing good on at 4:38 a.m., 22.

I am now having these stupid waves of exhaustion, similar to waves of nausea. I'm ok, no I'm not. I'm ok, no I'm not. SHIIIIITTTT. Stop this madness. Just shampoo the color out now and let's go to bed. No, it's not done yet. You have to wait the full 60 minutes because your hair is white and of course. Argghhhhh.

Remember the Charlie Brown cartoon where Lucy is holding the football and Charlie Brown is going to kick it. He says Argggggghhhh. That's how I feel. Who pulled the football out from under me. I'm ok, no I'm not.

How about a big glass of water to keep you awake. WTF stupid, how is water going to wake me up. It doesn't have anything in it, it's water! Just go get it.

OK, I'm back with my water and still have 16 minutes left. Cadee the cat is awake too and now she is following me around the house meowing. I guess she figures it's breakfast time. No Cadee. Go away. Either go to bed or go out and catch a lizard to play with.

This wave is almost over and I am becoming very close to clear-headed for a few minutes. I am sure you can tell what I wrote when I was sleep writing. Or maybe you can't. Uh-oh, does that mean my writing is so bad that the only people who read it are other sleep writers? Great. How many other sleep writers are there anyway? Maybe a lot, maybe that's a good thing. At least I know my market.

Coming up on 4:50, ten minutes to go. Still feeling ok for the moment. I know there's going to be another wave of exhaustion soon. That's just how this shit works.

4:55. With 5 minutes to go I can feel the exhaustion creeping in. I have to get this stuff off my hair and I am going to fall asleep in the shower. Not like I haven't done it before, I used to do it all the time when I was a teenager. I would lay in the tub with the shower running and sleep. Hey, it kept my parents off my back for a few precious moments of sleep. They used to wake me up at 8 a.m. to do my Saturday chores. So I would take a "shower nap". Made the mistake of telling my father I did this a few years ago. Big mistake. I will never hear the end of it.

One minute to go and I am leaving you for a few while I rinse my head. Hope I see you when I get back.

5:10, shower accomplished. I did get tired and this time a lovely wave of nausea joined in. Lucky me. Yup, this wave of exhaustion is staying with me. Now I can sleep though, right?

Can you? Or are you going to find a 24 hour Walmart?

First Crush - Sometimes You Can Go Home Again

I remember it well, that feeling I would get on Thursday afternoon, knowing that in a few short hours I would see HIM. He was in a band and they played at a bar every Thursday night. And I thought he was the cutest guy I'd ever seen. He was older: 23 to my 17, which was a pretty wide gap at that age. He was ahead of me on the "life" scale having already graduated school and holding down both a job and the gig with the band. And I was still a virgin. I was sure he was not, especially since he "dated" a girl that also hung out with the band and she informed me one teary evening in the bathroom of the bar where they were playing that night, that he de-flowered then dumped her. (I later heard from him that this was not the truth, her "flower" was not intact when they "you knowed".)

He treated me like I was a little sis or something; we became friends and would go to breakfast after the band finished playing at 2 a.m., (back when I could stay up that late.) He took me to a Guess Who concert and once he came to my house to play tennis. Too bad I really didn't play. What's even worse is that years later, about 40 years, I found out that he KNEW I wasn't a tennis player. I was so sure I had fooled him.
When I was 18, I gave up on him and shortly after met the man I would marry, have two kids with then divorce when I was 27.

I saw him once during that time from 19-25, his band was playing near where we lived and my then-husband and I went to see them. We spoke, it was pleasant and I didn't hear from him again until several years ago when I found his band on Facebook.

I have thought about that first crush many times over the years; luckily more times than I have re-hashed the crappy first marriage. Wondered what would've happened now knowing it wasn't my path in life or his for that matter.

We are talking more now, catching up on the last forty years, discovering what we do and don't have in common, it's nice. Sometimes you can go home again.

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