When Fear Knocks At Your Door, Don't Answer 23

(This is my submission to the "Real Simple" magazine Life Lessons Essay Contest. The question... If you could change one decision that you made in the past, what would it be?)

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When Fear Knocks At Your Door, Don't Answer

I shouldn’t have let fear in the front door. He knocked; I answered and let him in. I’m not sure when this happened exactly; I know I was too young to realize that this decision would cause me a lifetime of agony. You see, once you welcome fear into your life, he doesn’t leave. He’s always there, hiding in the shadows, waiting for his time. And if you aren’t strong enough to keep fear in his place, he will try to destroy you.

Some fear is healthy. It brings balance to our lives and without it we would bring ourselves great harm. Fear keeps us from pulling our car into on-coming traffic, for example. Fear of the unknown puts us on the alert when we encounter unfamiliar people and circumstances. It is self-preserving and in some circumstances, a good emotion. On the other side, sometimes fear goes on steroids and marches relentlessly through your life destroying every good thought you can throw at it. Some people call this a symptom of “Depression”.

I have had fear-less times in my life, times when nothing got in the way of my goal. I was strong, decisive, and as FEARLESS as the King of the Jungle. Then something happens and fear smells, well fear, and here he comes. “What if you can’t do it”, “What if you aren’t good enough”, “What if you fail” speed through my brain like the Indy 500, running the endless loop, over and over again until I question every decision I have and will make. Holy crap. Can’t move forward, can’t move back, you are stuck with fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the known, fear of death, fear of life, fear of fear. A regular fear fest.

One of my biggest (irrational) fears is that I am wasting my life, not doing anything important. Silly huh, especially considering that I am directly responsible for another branch on my family tree. I have two children, a son, and daughter, and my daughter blessed me with three children of her own. I gave five spirits a chance to have a human experience, and a pretty good one at that. I lose sight of this sometimes, this hugely important job that I did. I am so busy fearing that I am just ordinary, I totally miss the point.

Nobody lives forever and nobody is free from fear one hundred percent of the time, these are facts. It is also a fact that you can change your perception of life, choosing to live with faith instead of fear. I have this saying in plain view on my desk and read it often. ”Fear knocked at the door, faith answered, no one was there.” I got it out of a fortune cookie, by the way. Faith can mean anything you want it to. For those who believe in a higher power, faith is in their God; those who don’t share this belief system, faith is in something else. I believe in God so my faith in him is helping to keep my fear in check. When I feel fear is inappropriate for the situation, I examine what is happening right now, what was I thinking prior to the feeling of fear, and then I remind myself, you can only have one feeling at a time, which would you rather be feeling, fear or peace?

While writing this article, fear had to give his input. “What if you can’t finish this article”, “What if you don’t win”. Well, fear, it’s like this, this is the end of the article so I did finish. And if I don’t win that just means someone else’s article addressed the subject better than mine. So I will continue to write because I love it and because I can. If I could change the decision to allow fear into my life, I would but I can’t change what decisions I made in my past, all I can do now is move forward, one fearless step at a time.

Check out the rest of my pearls of wisdom at https://commoncentsinwilmingtonnc.blogspot.com/

Happy Birthday To Ringo And Me, I'm 56 In 56! 22

Happy Birthday To Ringo And Me, I'm 56 In 56!

Today is my birthday, July 8, 1956. It is also the birthday of my ex-husband, who is 8 hours older than me. And yesterday was Ringo's birthday. I don't know why but I recognize Ringo's birthday every year, have since I was a kid. At least now I Tweet him my wishes. Still waiting for the return Tweet.

This year I'm 56 in 56. How did this happen, how can I be a 56-year-old grandmother? Not like I've been in a coma or did a Rip Van Winkle, I have been here and aware of the passage of time.

Birthdays are a reminder of that passage, a time of reflection. Which was once a time of excitement, like Christmas, Jr., is now a time of acceptance that time is finite, our journey has an end and you are one year closer to it. I am okay with that.

I admit I do miss the feeling of excitement of the childhood birthday. The good wishes and cake and presents, especially the presents, those were good times. Mom always made your favorite dinner and everybody was really nice to you, even the ones who were not normally, like your bratty little brother. I remember the landmark birthdays, 13, 16, 18, 21, they brought certain rights and privileges, so the birthdays were a positive experience, and at that time you couldn't wait for your birthday.

After 21 the happy birthday thing went downhill for me. 30 was not a happy birthday. I'm 30, what the hell. That's OLD. Turning 40 evoked a similar reaction, although the realization that I still looked pretty hot smoothed that one out a little. 44 was a real eye opener as I became a grandmother and started dating a 22-year-old simultaneously, a confusing time. On my 50th birthday, I went out to the mailbox to retrieve the birthday card from Dad with $50 in it (which he discontinued this year BTW) only to be greeted with an invitation to join AARP now that I was qualified. Screw You. So much for 50.

Turning 52 was also a bittersweet birthday. I carried around the irrational fear that I would not make it past my Mom's death age. I did. I made it to 56, hopefully beyond.

55 was a landmark year for me. It's the year that I hit bottom and bounced out of my several years' long transitions and started on a new path. 56 will be the year that I move forward.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Love that saying, thanks, Brad. Living life is like eating an elephant. Take one bite, chew and savor, swallow then move on to the next piece. Repeat until you run out of elephant. 

Live until you die.

 

P.S. Mom was my hairdresser back then. Yikes.

This blog is dedicated to all the members of the "56 in 56" club. We still ROCK!!!!!

"Father Knows Best". A 50's Era Sitcom And Usually True 21

"Father Knows Best". A 50's Era Sitcom And Usually True.

I was an 8-year-old television channel flipper. Remotes hadn't been invented yet, it was the 60's. My Dad is an avid sports fan and on the weekends he enjoyed watching games from his favorite chair on our only tv. The channel knob was just out of reach of his chair, so he gave me the job of flipper. I would sit next to the tv waiting for Dad to give me the signal to flip the knob to the next game he was watching. It made my Daddy happy and I was content to sit there all day flipping channels so he could watch parts of every game televised. I got to spend time with my Dad while learning about sports.

This is just one of many warm memories I have of Pops, that's what I call him now, and whenever I feel unhappy I go to the memory book in my mind and conjure up a cherished snippet. Works every time. It's hard to feel bad when you recall Dad giggling with delight at his Easter prank. He made bunny pawprints (using mud) arranged in a path through the house that led to our baskets. And I always smile when I remember how we would all clear out when he announced he was going to "fix" something. Ruh-roh he has the screwdriver, run for your life kids. Pops isn't very handy.

As I got older I realized my Dad was wise. When I was 16 shopping for my first car he advised me not to buy the souped-up Pontiac Firebird from the used car lot. Told me I didn't need a car like that. He was right. I bought a brand new Ford Pinto instead and drove it till it died.

My Dad's viewpoint on raising children is simple. Whenever we (I have a younger brother who I still lovingly refer to as Brat) did something stupid, he would say to us "I shoulda raised poodles instead of kids, poodles listen." That was his friendly reminder to us that he was getting frustrated. I have said this to my kids on occasion.

My happy memory book is full of fun times with Pops. He's not going to believe this, he doesn't think we were happy as children. We were happy Pops. Sometimes we seemed unhappy but that's just because we were growing up. We were silly kids, then silly teenagers trying to figure things out. Inside, way down deep, we knew we were loved and we were happy.

We should never live in the past, but it's okay to visit there occasionally. Happy memories can sometimes block an unwanted impression from becoming a negative thought. So on this Father's Day get out the memory book and honor your Dad with the gift of remembrance of a happy childhood memory. He will appreciate it. I know Pops will.

Holes. Not The Sigourney Weaver Movie, The Ones In The Sidewalk Of Life 20

Holes. Not The Sigourney Weaver Movie, The Ones In The Sidewalk Of Life.

Portia Nelson wrote "Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters" below.

Chapter I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost, I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

End.

I fell into the hole. I saw it and fell in anyway. Damn it. I guess I am on Chapter 2. You would think that at the tender age of 55 I would have already advanced to Chapter 3 but this isn't a race. It is about the journey and we all know that we don't really operate at our own pace anyway. The big guy upstairs has that control. So it is in my life's plan that I am coming out of my Chapter 2 hole, finally. I was in there a very long time and coming out of this hole has been a slow process, which I now understand is the way it has to be.

I just finished a book called "Transitions... Making Sense of Life Changes" by William Bridges. I swear he wrote this book for me. I have had this book for a long time, picked it up for fifteen cents at the library book sale years ago. (It was my first book sale and I bought over 100 books.) This book has lasted through the paring-down of my personal library (I realized I could never read all those books and I donated most of them back to the public library). Despite the fact that I wasn't inspired to read it, it kept getting in my way. It would appear on this table or that shuffled about but not read. Finally one day I picked it up and started to read it. Made it through the first pages and it was ok, but it didn't speak to me. For the next six months, it sat next to me on my end table. I would move it occasionally to dust and put it right back. I don't know what prompted me to pick it up a week ago unless it was the pure hopelessness I was feeling, looking for comfort and answers from somewhere. But here ya go, somehow I picked it up, began to read, and as I did a light came on. No choir of angels but definitely a light. HOLY CRAP. This is what's happening to me. This guy KNOWS. So there you have it. There are no coincidences, the Universe wanted me to read this book and now I know why.

Holes are the way forward. Gotta go down to go up. They say "two steps forward one step back" so I ask, is the one step back down into your hole? Portia doesn't mention falling backward into your hole so I am just going to assume you can because it fits with the two steps forward metaphor. Anyway, for my purposes today it doesn't really matter how many steps forward or back that you take, what matters is what you do when you fall into the "hole".

As I mentioned, I believe I am on Chapter 2 in Portia's "Autobiography" above. I am just coming out of the deepest hole of my life so far. I swear I could smell Chinese food in that hole. Tells you how deep it was. Horrible place, hated going there. Nothingness. Nowhere. Nada. A place where you can't function properly. Emotions are all fractured. You can't think. You can't connect with yourself or others. Life is hopeless and I am lost like the tv show.

What I learned from Mr. Bridge's book is that the way out of the hole is to "Let It Be." Sir Paul McCartney knew something when he wrote this song. He got it. He knew what to do and how to get out. I thought I had it too until I experienced this hole and realized I wasn't quite as evolved as I thought. You lose your reasoning in the hole. I got it now Sir Paul. Just "Let it Be" people. You have to go back to nothing to become something again. Go "Down in the Hole"(Alice in Chains) and "Let it Be"(The Beatles). Then one day you will be like the Phoenix rising out of the ashes. Reborn.

Read his book if you feel like you are in a hole. It may be the ladder that you have been stumbling around in the dark looking for. It was for me. Thank you William Bridges.

Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Mr. Bridges. I am just a girl who read a book and now wants to help other people in her situation get out alive.

I dedicate this post to my Adventuregirl buddy Kim. Like the book, you keep coming up, guess the Universe wants us to do something, come on you know you wanna.

From My Mother's Mouth To My Daughter's Ears "Fulfill Your Desire" 19

From My Mother's Mouth To My Daughter's Ears "Fulfill Your Desire"

The mother-daughter relationship is a slippery slope. Love them, hate them, love them, I can speak of my relationship with my mother only in the past tense. She passed in 1983 when I was 27 and had two babies to bring up, now without her. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Mom's advice to me before she died was this "Fulfill your Desire" that's basically what she said. She wasn't eloquent, she said do what you want to do in this life, don't look back with regret at not having done that which you desire. I wasn't able to fulfill this until now. I've lived my life but was busy trying to keep my head above water with those two kids to raise and all. Now is my time. I know this in my heart of hearts. I will not leave this life without doing this, for myself and for my Mom. I AM FULFILLING MY DESIRE.

There are several parts to my desire, it isn't just one thing. I wanted to do something important with my life, outside of the whole raising kids and family stuff. I had no idea what that "itch and burn" in my soul was until this year. Then I realized I want to be a writer. I had no freaking idea this was my desire until I stumbled into it. Well, we all know there are no coincidences so "stumbled into it" should be "when God helped me to realize it." I love writing. I am doing something important that exists outside of my maternal responsibilities. Something just for me. My Desire. Part 1.

And now I pass on this advice to you my daughter, because part of my Desire is for you to "Fulfill Your Desire." My Desire. Part 2. I know that it's hard raising three kids by yourself but you are doing the best job you possibly can and I am so proud of you. So is she. You may not know what it is yet, this Desire, just like I didn't until now. It's there, though, and will present itself when the time is right.

I miss my Mom every single day but I know that her spirit lives on in me, my kids, and my grandkids. I know she is smiling down on me now because I got it. Yes Mom, I really got it. Thank you and I love you.

A special note to my son Jesse. I know this post talks about your sister and doesn't mention you. Everything that I am saying to Jocelyn applies to you. It's just that this is a Mother's Day article and she is a Mother! I love you both, equally and want the same for you both. Equally.

Namaste Mothers everywhere. And we all know that every day really is Mother's Day.




Mom and Dad Wedding Day 1955

This is dedicated to my mom, Marion. And to my Aunt Claire who took over over being my "Muv" after Mom passed. Thank you. And to my Aunt Cheryl for her support of my work. You Rock!

What We Can Learn From Adam Yauch And Junior Seau 18

What We Can Learn From Adam Yauch And Junior Seau

This is not a humorous post. The passing of spirit from one life to another is a serious topic. I didn't know either of these gentlemen and I never will because last week they both passed. One by his own hand, the other by disease. My condolences and blessings to their families.

Adam Yauch had no choice in his departure. His human body was terminally ill, which is God's way of ending this part of our journey. God called him home.

Junior Seau felt he had no choice in his departure. His spirit was terminally ill and Junior chose not to continue his journey. God allowed him to come home.

Despite the words to the "Mash" theme song, suicide is not painless. It causes the ones left behind to swirl in their own version of Hell, why didn't he tell me he was unhappy I could have fixed it for him, how could he do that, we are left with questions. No answers are coming, we must be satisfied knowing that this is what they felt they had to do. You must also remember that God allowed this to happen.

I know something about this subject. My grandfather decided to end his life, as did my beloved Brian's father, and very recently his good friend. Several years ago my good friend also ended his life and I was shocked. Never saw it coming. Most of the time you won't because most people do not announce their pain. They try to deal with it themselves. And then one day they just give up.

The bottom line folks is be kind to everyone you meet. You do not know what they are dealing with. 

Plato said it best:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

 

Greek author & philosopher in Athens (427 BC - 347 BC)

Namaste.

Look Out, Not Down 17

Look Out, Not Down

What is your posture right now, at this minute? Are you sitting straight up in your chair, head held high looking out onto your computer screen?

Or are you slumped over, shoulders slouched with your head tilted down, eyes tilted up?

Be honest, there's no prize for the correct answer. You can't move forward if you don't know where you are right now.

In order to illustrate my point, look at your posture when you drive. If you sit slumped over the wheel looking down at the pavement chances are very good that you will crash, you can't see what is up ahead. When you drive, as when you live, you must look out, not down. Back straight, shoulders back, head and chin held high. Hard NOT to "look out" if you physically put yourself into this position. Same with your outlook on life. Focus completely on where you are right now and you have no idea where you are heading. If you look out you can see where you are now as well as where you are going, much better for you and the car!

Don't look down, look out toward your destination.

Namaste.

Donald Trump No Bullshit 16

Donald Trump No Bullshit

Donald J. Trump is my "inner-entrepreneur" as well as my "inner truth-teller". While most of my inner selves are fictional, based mainly on television characters, there are a few real folks who inspire me. Mr. Trump is one of those. He is a look-you-in-the-eye-and-tell-you-the-truth-kind of guy.  I admire that especially in this society of excuse givers and it's somebody else's fault-ers. You did it, you own it. You didn't do it, you own that too.

Most of the time I can go into myself and figure out an inner conflict. There are times though, that I can't seem to pull it all together enough to even get started. I have that "nagging feeling" or am out of sorts and a simple trip to Selfville isn't accomplishing my goal. That's when I go to the "Boardroom" or as I now call it the "Brainroom". 

I have found that by conducting a meeting with "myselves" and treating my unease like a work project, I can identify the problem and come to a solution, or at least move in the right direction. I use a whiteboard or poster paper, as opposed to typing on the 'puter. Just my preference. Let's get started.....

It's simple really.

1. Make the decision to go "inside" yourself in a big way.

2. Allow all of your facets a voice. This is not a time to block impressions even if they are negative. You have to have all information so you can analyze it later, if necessary.

3. Set a time limit, say one hour of uninterrupted space where you can just allow your mind to communicate.

4. Again write down every thought, every impression, free-writing........ no self-editing!

5. Stop when your time is up, or for me, I know I am done for now when either or both of these things happen.........I begin to go back and "edit" my comments and/or I feel a sense of relief. Just getting things out, identifying, sometimes creates a sense of relief or accomplishment.

6. Put your notes away. I can't tell you when to go back to them, you will know when you are ready to move forward and address your issues. This exercise just gives you a starting point for self-discovery.

There is one thing that I know I will not hear when I end this process. "You're Fired" is not an option. "You're Healed" is what I am looking for. And I will get to that eventually. It just takes time and patience. The very act of opening the dialog to your inner selves is a huge accomplishment. Putting your feelings into written words will allow you the opportunity to see where you are, where you are going, and if necessary, change direction.

Some folks journal, I call a meeting. After all, I'm not telling "The Donald" that I can't figure this out. Trumps don't quit and neither do I. Namaste.

You Can Call Me Ray Or You Can Call Me J, Don't Ever Call Me Grandma 15

You Can Call Me Ray Or You Can Call Me J, Don't Ever Call Me Grandma

I'm not sensitive about my age. BAHAAHAHA. Ok, I've gotten better about it. At least better than I was back in 2000 when my daughter blessed me with her first child (there are three now). My granddaughter Danielle was born when I was the tender age of 44. Hey, that's young to have grandkids. Some folks are just having their first child, like my friend Susie Smith. Anyway, there are advantages and disadvantages to having grandkids when you are still youthful, as I am.

Advantage - When we are all together somewhere people think I am the Mom and my daughter is MY sister. This burns my daughter's ass. It's bad for her when people mistake us for sisters, "Mother it is NOT funny, I do not look like a 55-year-old-woman anymore than you look 30" Really? Big Advantage, I love to jerk my daughter's chain.

Disadvantage - Being called grandmother. Or g-ma or granny or any other "play" on the words grand and mother. Superman has kryptonite, I have the G-Word. My grandkids were instructed from birth to call me "NAYNAY." I do not answer to the G-Word. They know this but they are getting older, pushing their boundaries, and realize this is my Achilles heel. Now they think it is funny to refer to me using that name. Don't poke the bear with a stick, kids.

Huge Advantage - I am growing up with my grandkids. I am still young enough to have the energy to keep up with them. Well, to try anyway. I now have the time, and a little bit more patience and wisdom, to learn and teach at the same time. My happiest moments with them are when we share our life experiences.

There are no real disadvantages to having grandkids. They are a wonderful gift from God and I am blessed to have them. I am as young or old as I choose to be and a name isn't going to change who I am. I just hate THAT name. NayNay fits me just fine.

Jocelyn my baby, with Dani, Kylie, and Tyler, her babies.

Meet More Characters Running My Life 14

Meet More Characters Running My Life

I have named my "inner-selves". I named them after mostly make-believe characters who share their qualities. Doing this has helped me open the lines of communication with those facets of my personality, and identify which impressions I allow to become thoughts. For example, impressions coming from Dennis the Menace are met with a high degree of skepticism, as I know this is my inner brat looking for something to get into, and not in a good way. Same with Mrs. Costanza, my inner kvetcher. I know there is guilt and regret ahead so I prepare myself for it.  You can check out my April 14th post for more insight into these two characters. Today I have two more for you.

Say hello to Tony Soprano and Arnold Horshack.

Arnold is an attention hog, he loves acting and dreams that someday he will "arrive". Arnold is my inner performer. I've been a ham since my 6th-grade teacher, Mrs. King, asked me to lead our class at the graduation ceremony. No, not in song, BAHAHAHAHA, I couldn't hold a tune if you superglued it to me. No folks, I was the conductor, with a baton. Stood up in front of the whole Linthicum Heights Elementary School and conducted my little heart out. I'll always remember looking out over the sea of faces, my school chums, all watching ME intently. Very cool. And the clapping. Oh, the clapping. I can still hear it. That was the day Arnold was born. Now, every time Arnold thinks he may have an audience we flip into "entertain" mode. Sometimes it's a good thing, like now while I am writing. Most times not-so-much, because Wal-Mart is not Nutt Street Comedy Club (in Wilmington, NC). It's most disruptive when Arnold wants to do a stand-up schtick for Amy the cashier who's checking us out at Wal-Mart. I know she looks like she could use some cheering up but not now, ok? In any case, Arnold is an acquired taste and needs to be under tight control. Someday I would like to do stand-up to give Arnold his stage, but I have to convince the "others" to go along, Scarlet O'Hara is resisting a bit, but we are working on it. Hey, Nutt Street start me a tab, willya?

Tony Soprano is my inner tough guy. He's the one you will run into if you piss me off. Tony fancies himself a protector of sorts unfortunately, his style is not always appropriate for the situation. Let's just say he's a little heavy-handed at times. He tends to be sensitive to any perceived "slight" and is always ready to defend our honor. Cut us off in traffic......... Tony will look over at you, and through gritted teeth mutter "How ya doin" while he's thinking about how he will remove your entrails if you do that again. Tony and I count to ten frequently. Real frequently. I had a very quick temper and sharp tongue until I heard this quote long ago, "We are all just squirrels trying to get a nut", and realized we are all the same. Everybody is in the same boat, although I admit some have bigger boats. Still, that doesn't mean they don't struggle with the same issues as you and me. Live and let live is what I say now. Don't take every little slight personally. Chances are the other person doesn't even realize they did anything to slight you, they're just nut-hunting.

Good, happy, and productive thoughts get a ringside seat at my live show called Life, while negative or destructive thoughts are promptly shown the back door. It's my decision who goes where. Sometimes I don't want input from anybody. The trick is learning how to "Shut It Down" like Gordon Ramsay. For me it's akin to the Facebook chat function, off-line means I am not entertaining new thoughts right now, on-line I am receptive to receive new positive impressions. This is hard to do, as your inner selves do not like being controlled. When I am in conflict with myself, having difficulty managing my inner family, I go outside take a deep breath and walk. Getting back to nature, being one with Universe, helps me to put things in perspective and decide what I want to think.

After all, I am the boss of me. Namaste.

Not So Comfortably Numb Or Antidepressants : Friend or Foe 13

Not So Comfortably Numb Or Antidepressants: Friend or Foe

I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. My comments are strictly based on my own experience and in no way am I advising anyone to do anything but think about what I am saying. That's all, just mull it over.

I am just a poor schlub trying to get through life like everybody else. 12 years ago I was "sad" from a break-up and the doctor diagnosed me with Depression. He wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant, patted me on the head and told me I would be fine. Well, after 12 years of being on Paxil I decided, with no input from a medical professional, that I need to stop taking it. I need to take my life and my feelings back. Thanks to Dr. Wayne Dyer, Joel Osteen and others I realized that I needed to heal myself, that there is something inside of me that is out of balance and I need to deal with it and move on. Paxil can't heal my broken spirit, only I can do that and in order to move forward into the life I am supposed to be living I need to pop the hood and find out what is wrong with my engine.

Paxil kept my inner self at bay, supressed those feelings that you are supposed to feel. I knew they were there but it was like having the sound turned off on my tv. Not so comfortably numb is the way I have been living my life for the past 12 years. What I didn't realize when I started taking an anti-depressant it is that those "feelings" good and bad, are there to help guide me. They are the compass on my road through life. Bad feeling means pull over and make sure you are on the right road. Good feeling means keep going in this direction. For me, anyway.

Today I am Paxil-free. I did research and my daughter consulted with someone who knows of pharmaceuticals. He was able to make recommendations for my transition from drugged to Paxil-free. The withdrawal is akin to visiting Satan at the gates of Hell but I am getting through it. One day at a time.

I am creative again. I didn't realize it until today but I started writing my blog on March 31st, a few weeks after I started Paxil withdrawal. I can feel and "hear" my inner self now. Not crazy-voices-in-my-head but my intuitive self is switched back on.

Now I am not delusional. I know I will have bad days, but I think I am ready for them. Remembering that feeling bad = out of balance, I know what I have to do now.

Please look into yourself for healing. You may find that you have everything you need to keep yourself in balance. I'm pretty sure God doesn't take anti-depressants. 

Namaste.

Who's In Charge Here Anyway? 12

Who's In Charge Here Anyway? 

I have two dialogs when I talk to myself......."I hear you, I am listening" or "I hear you." In my quest to be a more enlightened being, I am becoming more aware of the many different facets of my personality and how important it is to communicate with them. It helped to give them a name and a voice.

Dennis the Menace meet George Costanza's mother. They both live in my head and take turns running my life. There are many more characters but these are the two I seem to have the most trouble with, and I thought it was about time they met.

Dennis the Menace is my inner brat. When I don't keep my mind occupied, I take the chance that Dennis will find something for me to get into, and I don't mean in a productive way. It's important for me to avoid this at all costs. Dennis has caused me so many shit-storms that I shudder anytime he tries to come out and play. We all have one and they vary in degree of annoyance. Some people have a mild inner brat, ala Kim Kardashian and Snookie, while others have a more destructive inner brat, hello Lindsay Lohan and Naomi Campbell. No mistaking when their inner brat is in control.

Just like the inner brat, everyone has an inner kvetcher. Mine is Estelle Costanza, George's mother. Not to be outdone or ignored, Mrs. Costanza is always there to remind me of my shortcomings or to tell me I can't, or if I already did, I shouldn't have. She is a compilation of The Queen of Guilt (the typical Jewish Mother) and Debbie Downer ("I've got Diverticulitis"). Just when I feel it's safe to go into the water there she is shouting "Don't go into the water, you'll drown!" A famous example of the inner kvetcher in action is Ralphie's experience with his IK. (For those of you who don't know, Ralphie is a character in a classic movie titled "A Christmas Story.") Ralphie has a burning-desire-bordering-on-obsession to get an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two Hundred Shot Range Model Air Rifle for Christmas. In his mind, everyone including Santa tells Ralphie, "you'll shoot your eye out" every time he mentions his desire to own the beloved rifle. That was Ralphie's Mrs. Costanza. He allowed his inner kvetcher to occupy his every thought to the point of distraction and a little hallucination.

Trying to tame your thoughts is like trying to herd cats, but with practice and decisiveness, you can minimize the unwanted thoughts that come mostly from Mrs. C. Practice taming your negative inner voice by acknowledging the thought then release it to the universe. "I hear you."  Mrs. C's comment "Don't go into the water, you'll drown" is met with "Okay Mrs. C, I hear you." Notice I did not say, "I am listening." 

Unwanted thoughts do not get a platform. Acknowledge, move on. Then occupy your thoughts with something productive before Dennis comes calling.

Mrs. Costanza, meet Dennis the Menace. I would like for you to work together in helping us become a more integrated and wise beings. Instead of competition, I want cooperation. Stop shouting, everyone will get their chance to speak, but I will decide when. So just wait your turn I promise I will get to you.
These are just two of the many facets that make me ME. Stay tuned for more on the cast of characters in my head in upcoming posts. They all want to be in this one but I am taking control.  And put your hand down Arnold Horshak.

Try tuning into your inner self and see who you find. Feel free to share.

A few personal notes.....thank you B-Dubb, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and shout out to Brad Bruestle....... for Debbie Downer's dialog at the office.  How is your diverticulitis?

55 Is Not Senior 11

55 Is Not Senior

IMHO, I am turning 56, I should know. Who decides these things? I wanna see their supervisor because I sure as hell am not senior. My dad is a senior, he's 82. Betty White is senior, she's 90. Don't forget Besse Cooper, 115 years 230 days old, and a resident of the US. These folks are senior.

I knew I was in for trouble when on my 50th birthday there it was in the mailbox the AARP invitation. Hey now that you're a SENIOR join our club. Hell no I'm not joining your club. I am not a senior.

Ok, so the most ironic thing about this subject is that the 50-year-old is only a SENIOR in marketing world. Some businesses give discounts at 50, while others say wait until 62 for your 1/2 off cup of coffee.

In the United States, the standard retirement age is currently 65 (gradually increasing to 67). Being classified as a senior seems to be a confusing subject. It's tied to retirement and varies depending on what country you are in. I am going to move to the country where I am still a MILF.

Only 30 Stupid Things The Government Is Spending Your Money On? 10

Only 30 Stupid Things The Government Is Spending Your Money On

I wouldn't know how many there are because I did not get past #1 before the blood squirted out of my eyes and that big vein on the side of my head started to throb.

#1 The U.S. government is spending $750,000 on a new soccer field for detainees held at Guantanamo Bay.

What? We can't even afford to get soccer fields for kids in our own country.

I can't bring myself to read the rest of them for fear of causing myself serious bodily harm.

Here's the link let me know how you do.

http://www.ijreview.com/2012/04/2471-30-government-waste-projects/

Disclaimer.......I do not know if this information is accurate, I am only passing along. Don't shoot the messenger.

The Great Balancing Act Called Living 9

We walk a tightrope called life trying to balance our "buckets" as we gingerly move forward. With every step, we face the risk of falling. Sometimes we lose our balance and have to stop so we can right ourselves again before we continue. I don't think it is possible to live a life where you are in balance all of the time, so you need to learn how to right yourself after losing it so you don't fall into the net. (Yes, there is a net.)

Everyone has "buckets" which could include love, spirit, work, family, fun, health. Yours may be different, these happen to be mine. I have noticed that when I am out of balance, out of sorts, not feeling right it is because one of my buckets is leaking. 

My stomach hurts or I have a headache, did you look at your health bucket today? Are you doing what you are supposed to be doing to keep this bucket in balance? If not, then what are the steps I need to take to restore balance? Keep in mind it may not be just one bucket, you may have an issue that affects multiple buckets. By having that inner dialogue, you can identify where your attention needs to be.

I know it's not always this easy but most of the time you will find that breaking things down and examining them will give you the answers. We are so busy "living" that we forget to stop and listen to ourselves.

If you feel out of balance today, look inside. Could be one of your buckets is leaking.

Some Priceless Advice to Big Business, No Charge 8

Some Priceless Advice to Big Business, No Charge

Around 3 this afternoon I started to have an issue with my Facebook posts. In addition to this blog, I write stupid stuff to my family and friends, that way I figure if you friended me you are fair game. You are either my friend or my family and you love me, then you gotta read it right? Well except for a couple male relations who will go nameless, who may live in Maryland, you know who you are. I digress.

From the Fbook help site:

"My status updates or other posts are not displaying in News Feed. Your updates should appear in News Feed promptly. If your update hasn't appeared in News Feed after several hours, please submit a report here."

That's what's wrong with our society "promptly" to me means now, right this minute, at the appointed time which is now. Several hours says more than 1 hour, 2 or 3 hours. Not promptly in my opinion. Holy crap people say what you mean. Life is hard enough, don't confuse me any more than I already am.

Facebook and all other companies in the Universe, please read this as I am going to give you priceless advice that will change your business. You will suddenly become customer service superstars and get all 10's on your feedbacks. Are you ready?

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.

How Do You Move Forward? 7

How Do You Move Forward? 

By being stronger than the force that's pushing against you. 

Think about it, to every yin there is the yang, the opposite force. Walk into a wind tunnel (ok, I've never been in a wind tunnel, I'm just trying to make a point) you have to push against the force of the wind in order to move forward. If you just stand there you will, well just stand there. Not moving, exerting energy anyway just to keep yourself in place. Why not exert a little more energy and move forward?

We all stand in the wind tunnel from time to time. We get tired and need to take a break and that's ok. Just don't stand there too long or you will use all your energy just standing. You need to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Sheeple vs. Contrarians and WIIFT vs. WIIFM 6

Sheeple vs. Contrarians and WIIFT vs. WIIFM 

In trading stocks or currency as in my life, I am a contrarian, I admit it. When I was young my parents would say I was hard-headed. When people try to convince me I should go their way, I immediately begin to wonder why, what's in it for them? Face it, the people who tell us "hey come on in the water is fine" are also the people who very likely are already thinking about getting out of the pool. This applies to trading and life. In trading, these folks are in their trade and now are trying to move the market based on what their target is. Sneaky huh? But that's the business of trading folks. Once you realize this, you will become a better trader and a better person because face it, everybody has an agenda. In life, look at the political race. Do you really think politicians are looking out for your best interest? Hey, Rene' your cynic is showing. You bet. Think about this post the next time someone tries to persuade you to do something. Your first thought should be "What's In It For Them (WIIFT)"?  Do your own research, form your own opinions, do not follow blindly along with the rest of the Sheeple herd (for those of you who do not know what Sheeple are it is a reference to the herd mentality where we follow blindly rather like another very cute, cuddly animal the lemming and we know how well that works for them). Whether you are placing your next trade, buying a car, or trying to decide who to vote for think about "What's In It For Me (WIIFM)" and see if the WIIFT and WIIFM are both in your self-interest.

Celebrities That Would Still Be Alive If They'd Just Smoked A Doobie Instead.....5

Celebrities That Would Still Be Alive If They'd Just Smoked A Doobie Instead

I started this post not realizing Wikipedia had this list, but this is exactly what I wanted to see. Notice not one cause of death is attributed to marijuana overdose, keeping in mind that several autopsies did reveal there was marijuana in their system, however not the primary factor that caused their untimely demise. SNAP.

To read the entire Wikipedia post which includes references go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_drug-related_deaths

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Herb Abrams 1954–1996 Professional wrestling promoter Cocaine related heart attack. [1][2]
Janet Achurch 1864–1916 Actor Morphine overdose. [3]
Brian Adams 1963–2007 Professional wrestler Painkiller overdose. Accidental. [4]
Nick Adams 1931–1968 Actor Barbituate overdose. Death officially certified as "accidental-suicidal and undetermined". High levels of sedatives were found in his blood. [5]
Stuart Adamson 1958–2001 Musician (Big Country) Hanged himself under the influence of alcohol. [6]
Michael Adkisson, aka Mike Von Erich 1964–1987 Professional wrestler Tranquilizer overdose. Suicide. [7]
George Albert, aka George V 1865–1936 King Cocaine and morphine overdose. Euthanasia. [8]
Asa A. Allen 1911–1970 Evangelist Liver failure due to acute alcoholism. [9]
Dennis Allen 1951–1987 Drug dealer Heart failure. "Pieces of his heart actually broke off after decades of heavy drug abuse". [10]
Ryūnosuke Akutagawa 1892–1927 Writer Veronal overdose. Suicide. [11]
William Barnsley Allen 1892–1933 Army officer Unspecified narcotic overdose. Accidental. [12]
Pier Angeli 1932–1971 Actress Died of anaphylactic shock after being given a tranquilizer by her doctor. [13][14]
Matthew Ansara 1965–2001 Actor Heroin overdose. Accidental. [15]
Chris Antley 1966–2000 Jockey Severe blunt trauma. The coroner's report concluded that Antley had died of a multiple drug overdose and the injuries were likely related to a fall caused by the drugs. [16]
Jean Améry 1912–1978 Writer Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [17]
Diane Arbus 1923–1971 Photographer Consumed a number of barbiturates and then slit her wrists. Suicide. [18]
West Arkeen 1960–1997 Musician Opiate overdose. Accidental [19]
Howard Arkley 1951–1999 Painter Heroin overdose. Accidental. [20]
Kevyn Aucoin 1962–2002 Photographer, make-up artist Kidney and liver failure due to Tylenol toxicity, as a result of a prescription painkiller addiction. [21]

[edit] B

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Karen Bach, aka Karen Lancaume 1973–2005 Pornographic actress Temazepam overdose. Suicide. [22]
Chet Baker 1929–1988 Jazz trumpeter, singer, guitarist Fatal fall from a balcony while under the influence of cocaine and heroin. [23][24]
Lester Bangs 1948–1982 Music critic, musician Overdose of Darvon, Valium and NyQuil. [25]
Robert Barlow 1918–1951 Author Overdose of barbiturates. Suicide. [26]
Sid Barnes 1916–1973 Cricketer Barbiturate and bromide poisoning. Self-administered though intent could not be determined. [27]
Jean-Michel Basquiat 1960–1988 Painter Heroin overdose. [28]
Michael Carl Baze 1987–2011 Jockey Cocaine and oxymorphone overdose. Accidental. [29]
Jan Paul Beahm, aka Darby Crash 1958–1980 Musician (The Germs) Heroin overdose. Suicide. [30][31]
Scotty Beckett 1929–1968 Former child actor Suspected overdose. Pills and a note were found next to his body however the coroner's report was not released. [32]
Steve Bechler 1979–2003 Major League Baseball pitcher Heatstroke. The coroner indicated that "the toxicity of ephedra played a significant role" among many factors in contributing to his death. [33]
Brendan Behan 1923–1964 Poet, writer Diabetes exacerbated by his refusal to stop drinking alcohol. [34]
Gertrude Bell 1868–1926 Writer Overdose of sleeping pills. Whether it was an accident or suicide was undetermined. [35]
John Belushi 1949–1982 Actor, comedian Speedball. Accidental. [36]
Jay Bennett 1963–2009 Guitarist (Wilco) Fentanyl overdose. Accidental [37]
Wes Berggren 1971–1999 Musician (Tripping Daisy) Overdose. Traces of cocaine, propoxyphene, and benzodiazepine were found in his body. [38]
George Best 1946–2005 Football player Lung infection and multiple organ failure brought on by long-term alcoholism. [39]
Leah Betts 1977–1995 Student Excessive water consumption exacerbated by ecstasy causing her body to release anti-diuretic hormones. [40]
Len Bias 1963–1986 Basketball player Cocaine overdose. Accidental. [41]
Scott Charles Bigelow, aka Bam Bam Bigelow 1961–2007 Professional wrestler Overdose. Lethal levels of cocaine and an anxiolytic drug were found in his blood. [42]
Robert Bingham 1966–1999 Writer Heroin overdose. [43]
Ted Binion 1943–1998 Gambling executive Heroin and Xanax overdose. Possible suicide. [44]
Count Gottfried von Bismarck 1962–2007 Aristocrat Cocaine and morphine overdose. [45]
Walter Patrick Bissell 1957–1987 Ballet dancer Overdose of cocaine, codeine, methadone and other drugs. [46]
Erica Blasberg 1984–2010 Golfer Asphixia and toxic levels of "butalbital, temazepam, alprazolam, codeine, hydrocodone, and tramadol". Suicide. [47]

Celia Ann Blaylock, aka Mattie Blaylock 1850–1888 Prostitute Opiate poisoning. Suicide. [48] Mike Bloomfield 1943–1981 Blues guitarist Unspecified drug overdose. [49] Carl Böhm, aka Carl Crack 1971–2001 Musician (Atari Teenage Riot) Overdose. Alcohol and unspecified pills were found in his stomach. [50] Tommy Bolin 1951–1976 Musician (Deep Purple) Unspecified drug overdose. [51] John Bonham 1948–1980 Drummer (Led Zeppelin) Choked on his own vomit after consuming forty shots of vodka. [52] Derek Boogaard 1982–2011 Ice hockey player Toxic mix of alcohol and oxycodone. Accidental. [53] Jennie Bosschieter 1882–1900 Factory worker Overdose of drugged liquor. [54] Christopher Bowman 1967–2008 Former professional ice skater Overdose. Traces of cocaine, Valium, alcohol and cannabis were found in his blood. Accidental. [55] Charles Boyer 1899–1978 Actor Seconal overdose. Suicide. [56] Duncan Gordon Boyes 1846–1869 Soldier Delirium tremens. [57] Elisa Bridges 1973–2002 Model "Acute intoxication by the combined effects of heroin, methamphetamine, meperidine and alprazolam". [58][59] Dianne Brimble 1960–2002 Mother Combination of gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid (GHB) and alcohol. [60] Erik Brødreskift 1969–1999 Musician Overdose of unspecified pills. Suicide. [61] Lenny Bruce 1925–1966 Comedian "Acute morphine poisoning caused by an accidental overdose." [62] Julia Bruns 1895–1927 Actress Alcohol poisoning. [63] Tim Buckley 1947–1975 Musician "Acute heroin/morphine and ethanol intoxication due to inhalation and ingestion of overdose". [64] Richard Burton 1925–1984 Actor Alcohol related causes. [65] Chad Butler, aka Pimp C 1973–2007 Rapper Respiratory depression due to an accidental overdose of promethazine and codeine mixed with a pre-existing medical condition, sleep apnea. [66][67] Paul Butterfield 1942–1987 Musician Drug related heart failure. [68][69] [edit] C NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Andrés Caicedo 1951–1977 Writer Secobarbital overdose. Suicide. [70] Casey Calvert 1981–2007 Guitarist (Hawthorne Heights) A rare lethal mixture of hydrocodone/APAP, citalopram, and clonazepam. Accidental. [71] Ken Caminiti 1963–2004 Former Major League Baseball player. Cocaine and opiate overdose. [72] Max Cantor 1959–1991 Actor, journalist Heroin overdose. [73] Truman Capote 1924–1984 Writer Liver disease complicated by phlebitis and multiple drug intoxication. [74] John Cassavetes 1929–1989 Writer, actor, director Cirrhosis of liver due to alcoholism Vic Chesnutt 1964–2009 Musician Overdose of prescription medication. Suicide. [75] Maria Christina, aka Missy 1967–2008 Pornographic actress Unspecified prescription drug overdose. Accidental. [76] Diana Churchill 1909–1963 Naval officer Barbiturate overdose. Suicide. [77] Sally Clark 1964–2007 Solicitor Alcohol poisoning. [78] Sonny Clark 1931–1963 Pianist Alcohol abuse; an attempt to conteract his heroin dependancy. [79] Steve Clark 1960–1991 Musician (Def Leppard) Lethal overdose of codeine, along with valium and morphine and alcohol at more than 3 times the legal British limit. Accidental. [61][80] Charmian Clift 1923–1969 Writer Unspecified drug overdose. Suicide. [81] Vander Clyde, aka Barbette 1899–1973 Trapeze artist Unspecified drug overdose. Suicide. [82] Kurt Cobain 1967–1994 Musician (Nirvana) Self-inflicted (disputed) shotgun wound to the head under the influence of a potentially lethal dose of heroin with traces of diazepam. [83] Bob Collins 1946–2007 Politician Prescription drug and alcohol overdose. Suicide. [84] Natasha Collins 1973–2008 Actress Cocaine overdose. Accidental. [85] Brian Cole 1942–1972 Musician (the Association) Heroin overdose. [86] Douglas Glenn Colvin, aka Dee Dee Ramone 1951–2002 Musician (the Ramones) Heroin overdose. [87] Michael Cooper 1941–1973 Photographer Heroin overdose. [88] Megan Connolly 1974–2001 Actress Heroin overdose. [89] Nancy Ann Coursey, aka Paige Summers 1976–2003 Pornographic actress Codeine and oxycodone overdose. [90] Pamela Courson 1946–1974 Retail. Wife of Jim Morrison Heroin overdose. [91] Nancy Crick 1932–2002 Euthanasia activist Overdose of nembutal. Euthanasia. [92] Robbin Crosby 1959–2002 Musician (Ratt) Reported causes of his death include heroin overdose,[93][94] and AIDS-related complications,[95][96] which he admitted to contracting from shooting drugs.[97] Bartley Crum 1900–1959 Lawyer Washed down an entire bottle of Seconal with whisky. Suicide. [98] William Cuppy 1884–1949 Literary critic Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [99] Patricia Cutts 1926–1974 Actress Barbiturate overdose. Suicide. [100] [edit] D NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Lin Dai 1934–1964 Actress Sleeping pill overdose combined with gas inhalation. [101] Jacques Damala 1855–1889 Actor Cocaine and morphine overdose. [102] Dorothy Dandridge 1922–1965 Actress, singer Overdose of Imipramine. Accidental. [103] Robert Earl Davis, Jr., aka DJ Screw 1971–2000 Musician Overdose of codeine and other drugs. Accidental. [104

Jesse Ed Davis 1944–1988 Guitarist Heroin overdose. [105] Jeanine Deckers, aka The Singing Nun 1933–1985 Nun Overdose of barbiturates and alcohol. Suicide. [106][107] Thierry de la Villehuchet 1943–2008 Businessman Swallowed sleeping pills and slit his left arm. Suicide. [108] Paul DeMayo 1967–2005 Former bodybuilder Heroin overdose. [109] Ted Demme 1963–2002 Director Heart attack. Cocaine was found in his system which the coroner stated may have been a factor in his death. Accidental. [110] Daniel Deniehy 1828–1865 Politician "[L]oss of blood and fits induced by habits of intemperance" [111] Teri Diver 1971–2001 Pornographic actress Migraine medication overdose. Accidental. [112] Kiki Djan 1957–2004 Musician AIDS and narcotic related complications. [113] Desmond Donnelly 1920–1974 Politician, journalist Barbiturate and alcohol overdose. Suicide. [114] Tommy Dorsey 1905–1956 Jazz musician Choked to death while sleeping. He was so sedated on sleeping pills that he was unable to awaken. [115] John Dougherty 19??–1997 Musician (Flipper) Heroin overdose. [116] Eric Douglas 1958–2004 Comedian Acute intoxication by the effects of alcohol, tranquilizers and painkillers. [117] Nick Drake 1948–1974 Musician Anti-depressant overdose. Disputed suicide. [118] Michael Dransfield 1948–1973 Poet Sources report conflicting causes of death, including infection related to drug use and "acute broncho-pneumonia and brain damage". [119][120] Jonathan Drummond-Webb 1959–2004 Pediatric heart surgeon Unspecified prescription drug overdose. Suicide. [121] Kevin DuBrow 1955–2007 Singer Cocaine overdose. Accidental. [61][122] Bobby Duncum, Jr. 1965–2000 Professional wrestler Prescription painkiller overdose. Accidental. [123][124] Theresa Duncan 1966–2007 Video game designer Combined ingestion of Tylenol PM and alcohol. Suicide. [125] Ryan Dunn 1977–2011 Actor, stunt man Car crash. Dunn had a blood alcohol level of 0.196%, more than twice the legal limit where he was killed. [126] Anthony Durante 1967–2003 Professional wrestler Fentanyl overdose. [127] Guru Dutt 1925–1964 Actor Overdose of sleeping pills and alcohol. [128] [edit] E NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Jeanne Eagels 1890–1929 Actress Alcohol and/or heroin abuse. [129] John Entwistle 1944–2002 Musician (the Who) Cocaine-induced heart attack. [130] Brian Epstein 1934–1967 Manager of The Beatles Sleeping pill overdose. Accidental. [131] Howie Epstein 1955–2003 Musician (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers) Suspected drug overdose. It was reported he took heroin and prescription drugs shortly before his death. [132] [edit] F NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Chris Farley 1964–1997 Comedian, actor Cocaine and morphine overdose. [133] Pete Farndon 1952–1983 Musician (the Pretenders) Passed out in his bath due to a heroin overdose and subsequently drowned. [134] Rainer Werner Fassbinder 1945–1982 Playwright, director Cocaine overdose. Possibly suicide. [135] Brenda Fassie 1964–2004 Singer Initial press reports cited complications of asthma attack while a later autopsy "mentioned cocaine overdose". [136] Edward Fatu, aka Umaga 1973–2009 Professional wrestler "Acute toxicity due to combined effects of hydrocodone, carisoprodol, and diazepam." Accidental. [137] Althea Flynt 1953–1987 Co-publisher of Hustler magazine Drowned in the bath after passing out due to a heroin overdose. [138] Steve Foley 1959–2008 Drummer Unspecified drug overdose. Accidental. [139] Zac Foley 1971–2002 Musician (EMF) Overdose. Heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, barbiturates and alcohol were found in his blood. [140][141] Rosemarie Frankland 1943–2000 Actress Unspecified prescription drug overdose. Suicide. [142] Seán Fortune 1954–1999 Priest Overdose of alcohol and unspecified drugs. Suicide. [143] Katy French 1983–2007 Model, socialite Brain damage most likely caused by cocaine use. [144][145] Sigmund Freud 1856–1939 Neurologist Physician assisted morphine overdose. Euthanasia. [146] Gary Frisch 1969–2007 Website founder Jumped from a balcony while under the influence of ketamine. Officially ruled as misadventure. [147][148][149] [edit] G NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Danny Gans 1956–2009 Impressionist, entertainer. Prescription hydromorphone use combined with pre-existing heart condition. Accidental. [150] Paul Gardiner 1958–1984 Musician (Tubeway Army) Heroin overdose. [151] Judy Garland 1922–1969 Singer and actress Secobarbital overdose.[152] Her death certificate states the overdose was "accidental"[153] however there is speculation it was intentional.[154] Lowell George 1945–1979 Musician (Little Feat) Unspecified drug overdose. Accidental. [155] Talitha Getty 1940–1971 Actress Heroin overdose. [156] Iolanda Christina Gigliotti, aka Dalida 1933–1987 Singer Barbiturate overdose. Suicide. [157][158] Harold Gimblett 1914–1978 Cricketer Overdose of unspecified pills. [159] Trevor Goddard 1962–2003 Actor Overdose of heroin, cocaine, valium and vicodin. Accidental. [160] Greg Giraldo 1965–2010 Comedian Overdose of prescription medication. Accidental. [161] Dwayne Goettel 1964–1995 Musician (Skinny Puppy) Heroin overdose. [162] Adam Goldstein, aka DJ AM 1973–2009 Disc Jockey Overdose of cocaine/levamisole, oxycodone, hydrocodone, lorazepam, clonazepam, alprazolam and diphenhydramine. Accidental. [163] Paul Gray 1972–2010 Musician (Slipknot) Morphine and fentanyl overdose. Accidental. [164] Lucy Grealy 1963–2002 Poet Heroin overdose. [165] Eddie Guerrero 1967–2005 Professional wrestler "Heart disease, complicated by an enlarged heart resulting from a history of anabolic steroid use." [166] [edit] H NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Clinton Haines 1976–1997 Computer hacker Heroin overdose. Accidental. [167][168] Kenneth Halliwell 1926–1967 Actor Pentobarbital overdose. Suicide. [169] William Hamilton 1805–1865 Physicist, astronomer, mathematician "A severe attack of gout precipitated by excessive drinking..." [170] Edward A. Hannegan 1807–1857 Senator Morphine overdose. [171] Tony Hancock 1924–1968 Actor Lethal mixture of amphetamines and liquor. Suicide. [172] James Harden-Hickey 1854–1898 Author, adventurer Morphine overdose. Suicide. [173] Bobby Hatfield 1940–2003 Musician (The Righteous Brothers) Cocaine-induced heart attack. [174] Malcolm Hardee 1950–2005 Comedian Drowned after he fell into the water whilst drunk. [175] Tim Hardin 1941–1980 Musician Heroin overdose. [176] Brynn Hartman 1958–1998 Wife and murderer of comedian Phil Hartman Self-inflicted gunshot wound to her head under the influence of cocaine, alcohol and Zoloft. [177] Domino Harvey 1969–2005 Bounty hunter Fentanyl overdose. [178] Rodney Harvey 1967–1998 Actor, model Heroin overdose. [179] Phyllis Haver 1899–1960 Actress Barbiturate overdose. Suspected suicide. [180] Elizabeth Hawes 1903–1971 Clothing designer "Alcohol-related causes". [181] James Hayden 1953–1983 Actor Heroin overdose. [182] Paul Hayward 19??–1992 Rugby league player Heroin overdose. [183] Mitch Hedberg 1968–2005 Comedian Cocaine and heroin overdose. [184][185] Tim Hemensley 1972–2003 Musician (GOD) Heroin overdose. [186] Margaux Hemingway 1954–1996 Actress Phenobarbital overdose. Disputed suicide. [187] Jimi Hendrix 1942–1970 Musician Respiratory arrest caused by alcohol and barbiturate overdose and vomit inhalation. [188] Curt Hennig 1958–2003 Professional wrestler Cocaine overdose. [189] James Leo Herlihy 1927–1993 Novelist, actor Overdose of sleeping pills. Suicide. [190][191] Gino Hernandez 1957–1986 Professional wrestler Cocaine overdose. [192] George Hickenlooper 1963–2010 Documentary filmmaker Oxymorphone and alcohol overdose. Accidental. [193] Ureli Hill 1802–1875 Conductor Morphine overdose. Suicide. [194] Virginia Hill 1916–1966 Chicago Outfit courier Sleeping pill overdose. [195] Jane Aiken Hodge 1917–2009 Writer Unspecified drug overdose. Suicide. [196] Abbie Hoffman 1936–1989 Political activist Phenobarbital overdose. Suicide. [197] Billie Holiday 1915–1959 Jazz singer Cirrhosis of the liver caused by alcoholism. [198] John Curtis Holder, Jr., aka Jackie Curtis 1947–1985 Actor Heroin overdose. [199] Gary Holton 1952–1985 Actor and musician Heroin overdose. [200] James Honeyman-Scott 1956–1982 Musician (the Pretenders) Cocaine-induced heart attack. [201] Shannon Hoon 1967–1995 Musician, singer (Blind Melon) Cocaine overdose. [202] Sebastian Horsley 1962–2010 Artist Heroin and cocaine overdose. [203] Whitney Houston 1963–2012 Singer and Actress Accidental drowning, due to atherosclerotic heart disease and cocaine use. Toxicology reports showed the acute presence of cocaine indicating use prior to death, as well as sub-/therapeutic levels of marijuana, Benadryl, Flexeril, and Xanax. [204] Lisa Howard 1930–1965 Reporter Phenobarbital overdose. Officially listed as suicide but speculated as murder. [205] Howard Hughes 1905–1976 Aviator, engineer, industrialist, movie producer Liver failure. Physician administered an overdose of codeine at "the highest clinical level ever recorded" at the time. [206] Gertrude Hullett 1906–1956 Patient of Dr. John Bodkin Adams Twice the fatal dose of sodium barbitone was found in her blood. [207] Elizabeth Hulette, aka Miss Elizabeth 1960–2003 Professional wrestling manager Acute toxicity. Autopsy revealed pain killers, nausea medication and tranquilizers were found in her blood, along with an alcohol level of 0.29. [208] Harold Hunter 1974–2006 Professional skateboarder, actor Cocaine-induced heart attack. [209] Michael Hutchence 1960–1997 Musician, singer (INXS), actor Self-induced asphyxiation while under the influence of alcohol, cocaine, Prozac and other prescription drugs. [210] Phyllis Hyman 1949–1995 Singer Pentobarbital and secobarbital overdose. Suicide. [211] [edit] I NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Nicholas Anthony Iacona, Jr., aka Joey Stefano 1968–1994 Pornographic actor Cocaine, morphine, heroin and ketamine overdose. [212] Andy Irons 1978–2010 Surfer Cardiac arrest. His autopsy lists secondary cause of death as "acute mixed drug ingestion." Traces of cocaine, methamphetamine, alprazolam and methadone were found in his system. [213] Bruce Edwards Ivins 1946–2008 Microbiologist Tylenol overdose. [214] [edit] J NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference Jennifer Lyn Jackson 1969–2010 Playboy Playmate Heroin overdose. [215] Michael Jackson 1958–2009 Pop singer Cardiac arrest. Personal physician administered lethal dose of propofol along with lorazepam, diazepam and midazolam. [216] Peter Jackson 1964–1997 Rugby league player Heroin overdose. [217] Joyce Jameson 1932–1987 Actress Overdose of unspecified pills. Suicide. [218] Steven Ronald Jensen 1959–2005 Musician (The Vandals) Unspecified prescription drug overdose. [219] Anissa Jones 1958–1976 Actress Overdose of barbiturates, cocaine, quaaludes, and PCP. Accidental. [220] Brian Jones 1942–1969 Musician (The Rolling Stones). Drowning under the influence of alcohol and drugs. [221] Chloe Jones 1975–2005 Pornographic actress Prescription drug overdose. Accidental. [222] Rob Jones, aka The Bass Thing 1964–1993 Musician (The Wonder Stuff). Sources report contradictory information which include: heart problems,[223] heart attack potentially caused by heroin,[224] or simply "drug related causes".[225] Russell Jones, aka Ol' Dirty Bastard. 1968–2004 Rapper Overdose of cocaine and a prescription painkiller. Accidental. [226] Janis Joplin 1943–1970 Musician Heroin overdose. [227] [edit] K

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
John Kahn 1947–1996 Musician (Jerry Garcia Band) Heroin overdose. [228]
Chris Kanyon 1970–2010 Professional wrestler Antidepressants overdose. Suicide. [229][230]
Phil Katz 1962–2000 Computer programmer Acute pancreatic bleeding caused by chronic alcoholism [231]
David Kennedy 1955–1984 University drop-out Overdose of cocaine, Demerol, and Mellaril. [232]
Beverly Kenney 1932–1960 Singer Alcohol and Seconal overdose. Suicide. [233]
Bernard Kettlewell 1907–1979 Lepidopterist, medical doctor Unspecified drug overdose. Accidental. [234]
David Kelly 1944–2003 Weapons expert Consumed around 30 dextropropoxyphene pills. Disputed suicide. [235]
Jack Kerouac 1922–1969 Author Cirrhosis, caused by a lifetime of heavy drinking. [236][237]
Dorothy Kilgallen 1913–1965 Journalist Fatal combination of alcohol and barbiturates. Whether it was suicide or accidental is undetermined. [238]
Richard Charles Knellar, aka Dickie Pride 1941–1969 Singer Sleeping pill overdose. [239]
Arthur Koestler 1905–1983 Author Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [240]
John Kordic 1965–1992 Hockey player Unspecified drug overdose. [241]

[edit] L

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Deborah Laake 1953–2000 Writer Overdose of unspecified pills. Suicide. [242][243]
Alan Ladd 1913–1964 Actor Overdose of alcohol and three unspecified drugs. Accidental. [244]
Josiah Lamborn 1809–1847 Attorney General Delirium tremens. [245]
Carole Landis 1919–1948 Actress Seconal overdose. Suicide. [246]
Michael Larsen aka Eyedea 1981–2010 Rapper Unspecified opiate toxicity. Ruled accidental. [247]
Heath Ledger 1979–2008 Actor Combined drug intoxication of oxycodone, hydrocodone, alprazolam, diazepam, temazepam and doxylamine. Accidental. [248]
Bruce Lee 1940–1973 Actor, martial artist Acute cerebral edema due to a reaction to compounds present in the prescription pain killing drug Equagesic. [249]
Gerald Levert 1966–2006 Singer Acute intoxication of Percocet, Vicodin, Darvocet, Xanax and two antihistamines. Accidental. [250]
Frank X. Leyendecker 1877–1924 Illustrator Highly suspected morphine overdose. Suicide. [251]
Debbie Linden 1961–1997 Model, actress Heroin overdose. [252]
Max Linder 1883–1925 Actor Linder and his wife both drank Veronal, injected morphine and cut open the veins in their arms. [253]
Eugene Lipscomb 1931–1963 American football player Heroin overdose. [254]
Eugenia Livanos 1927–1970 Wife of Stavros Niarchos Barbiturate overdose. [255]
Mike Lockwood, aka Crash Holly 1971–2003 Professional wrestler Carisprodol and alcohol intoxication. Suicide. [256]
Philip Loeb 1891–1955 Actor Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [257]
Trinity Loren, aka Roxanne McPherson 1964–1998 Pornographic actress Prescription painkillers overdose. In a possible suicide. [258]
Zoe Tamerlis Lund 1962–1999 Model, actress Cocaine-induced heart attack. [259][260]
Donyale Luna 1945–1979 Supermodel, actress Unspecified drug overdose. Accidental. [261]
Frankie Lymon 1942–1968 Singer Heroin overdose. [262]
Phil Lynott 1949–1986 Musician (Thin Lizzy) Conflicting sources report various causes of death, including: heart and liver failure,[263] heart failure and pneumonia after a drug overdose,[264] and blood poisoning from heroin addiction.[265]

[edit] M

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Billy Mackenzie 1957–1997 Musician (the Associates) Overdose of amitriptyline, paracetamol and other prescription drugs. Suicide. [266]
Chris Mainwaring 1965–2007 Australian football player Cocaine overdose. Accidental. [267][268]
Bibek Maitra 19??–2006 Politician Unspecified drug overdose. [269]
Jesse Mahelona 1983–2009 American football player Motor-vehicle collision. Malehona was under the influence of alcohol. [270]
Vickie Lynn Marshall, aka Anna Nicole Smith 1967–2007 Playboy playmate, actress Lethal combination of chloral hydrate and various benzodiazepines. [271]
Adrienne Nicole Martin 1983–2010 Model, girlfriend of August Busch IV Oxycodone overdose. Accidental. [272]
Andrew Martin, aka Test 1975–2009 Professional wrestler Oxycodone overdose. Accidental. [273]
Thalia Massie 1911–1963 Wife Barbiturate overdose. [274]
Lisa Matsumoto 1964–2007 Children's author Motor-vehicle collision. Matsumoto's blood alcohol level was .242, more than 3 times the legal limit. [275]
Billy Mays 1958–2009 Salesperson Heart disease with cocaine use being a "contributory cause". [276][277]
Joseph McCarthy 1908–1957 Senator Hepatitis exacerbated by alcoholism. [278][279] [280]
Jimmy McCulloch 1953–1979 Musician (Wings) Heroin overdose. [281]
Marie McDonald 1923–1965 Actress Unspecified drug overdose. [282]
Robbie McIntosh 1950–1974 Musician (Average White Band) Heroin overdose. [283]
Stephen McKeag 1970–2000 Ulster Defence Association member Cocaine overdose. [284]
Marguerite McNamara 1928–1978 Actress Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [285]
Aimee Semple McPherson 1890–1944 Evangelist Shock and respiratory failure due to overdose of prescription barbiturates. [286]
Jonathan Melvoin 1961–1996 Keyboardist Heroin overdose. [287]
Mary Millington 1945–1979 Model, pornographic actress Paracetamol overdose. Suicide. [288]
Keith Moon 1946–1978 Musician (the Who) Overdose on anti-seizure medication prescribed for alcoholism. Accidental. [289]
Odas Moon 1892–1937 Pilot Reportedly "drank himself to death". [290]
Kenneth Moore a.k.a Big Moe 1974–2004 Rapper Heart attack with Purple Drank as a contributing factor [291]
Chester Morris 1901–1970 Actor Barbiturate overdose. [292]
Jim Morrison 1943–1971 Musician (The Doors) Official cause of death is recorded as heart failure,[293] though Sam Bernett claims that Morrison died in Bernett's club, with heroin overdose as the suspected cause.[293]
Norma Mortenson, aka Marilyn Monroe 1926–1962 Actress Barbiturate overdose. Officially listed as "probable suicide" though several conspiracy theories exist. [294]
Louis Mucciolo, Jr., aka Louie Spicolli 1971–1998 Professional wrestler Conflicting sources indicate drug overdose[295] while some indicate coronary disease that might have been impacted by drug use.[296]
Billy Murcia 1951–1972 Musician (New York Dolls) Contradicting sources report the death as alcohol related,[297] or drowning[298] after a drug overdose[299] or as a drug overdose.[300]
Brittany Murphy 1977–2009 Actress "[C]ombination of pneumonia, an iron deficiency and 'multiple drug intoxication.'" [301]
Brent Mydland 1952–1990 Musician (the Grateful Dead) Cocaine and morphine overdose. [302]

[edit] N

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Henry Nasiff Jr, aka Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf 1962–2001 Entertainer Advanced alcoholism and a seizure disorder, complicated by a genetic condition. [303]
Yves Navarre 1940–1994 Writer Barbiturate overdose. Suicide. [304]
Filip Nikolic 1974–2009 Singer Heart attack induced by sleeping pills. [305]
Bradley Nowell 1968–1996 Musician (Sublime) Heroin overdose. [306]

[edit] O

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Hugh O'Connor 1962–1995 Actor Suicide under influence of cocaine. [307]
Lani O'Grady 1954–2001 Actress Multiple drug intoxication. Vicodin and Prozac were found in her bloodstream [308]
Johnny O'Keefe 1935–1978 Singer Conflicting sources indicate drug overdose,[309][310] or simply heart attack.[311][312]
Pascale Ogier 1958–1984 Actress Unspecified drug overdose. [313]
Alice Ormsby-Gore 1952–1995 Socialite Heroin overdose. [314]
John Patrick Oswald aka Jani Lane 1964–2011 Singer-songwriter Alcohol poisoning. [315]
Bryan Ottoson 1978–2005 Musician (American Head Charge) Prescription-drug overdose. Accidental. [61][316]

[edit] P

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Haley Paige 1981–2007 Pornographic actress Methadone overdose. Possibly suicide. [317]
Marco Pantani 1970–2004 Cyclist Cerebral and pulmonary edema potentially brought on by "tranquillisers, antidepressants and sedatives ... against a background of prolonged cocaine abuse". [318]
Robert Pastorelli 1954–2004 Actor Heroin overdose. [319]
Gram Parsons 1946–1973 Musician (the Byrds) Morphine overdose. [320]
Cesare Pavese 1908–1950 Poet, novelist Consumed "twelve sachets of sleeping drugs". [321]
Chris Penn 1965–2006 Actor Enlarged heart through drug use and a high level of codeine. [322]
Christopher Pettiet 1976–2000 Actor Unspecified drug overdose. Accidental. [323]
Kristen Pfaff 1967–1994 Musician (Hole) Heroin overdose. [324]
Esther Phillips 1935–1984 Musician, singer Liver and kidney failure due to long-term drug use. [325]
River Phoenix 1970–1993 Actor Heroin and cocaine overdose. [326]
Rob Pilatus 1965–1998 Musician (Milli Vanilli) Prescription drug and alcohol overdose. [327]
Jesse Pintado 1969–2006 Musician Liver failure caused by diabetes and alcoholism. [328]
Dana Plato 1964–1999 Actress Vanadom and Lortab overdose. Suicide. [329][330]
Darrell Porter 1952–2002 Major League Baseball catcher Cocaine overdose. [331]
Elvis Presley 1935–1977 Singer Cardiac arrhythmia. Autopsy founds in his system "significant" levels of ethinamate, methaqualone, codeine and different barbiturates, including amobarbital, pentobarbital, and phenobarbital. [332][333]
Gary Primich 1958–2007 Singer "Acute heroin intoxication." [334]
Freddie Prinze 1954–1977 Actor Self-inflicted gunshot wound while under the influence of methaqualone and alcohol. Initially ruled suicide but later determined accidental. [335]
Promachus ???–324 BCE Soldier Alcohol poisoning. [336]

[edit] Q

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Robert Quine 1942–2004 Guitarist Heroin overdose. Suicide. [337]
Glenn Quinn 1970–2002 Actor Unspecified drug overdose. Accidental. [338]

[edit] R

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Jay Reatard 1980–2010 Musician Cocaine toxicity, with alcohol as a contributing factor. [339]
Noel Redding 1945–2003 Musician Shock haemorrhage due to oesophageal varices in reaction to cirrhosis of the liver,with alcohol as a contributing factor. [340]
Michael Reeves 1943–1969 Film director Alcohol and barbiturate overdose. [341]
Wallace Reid 1891–1923 Actor Prescription morphine overdose. [342]
Elis Regina 1945–1982 Singer Cocaine alcohol, and temazepam overdose. Accidental. [343]
Willy Rey 1949–1973 Model Barbiturate overdose. [344]
John Simon Ritchie, aka Sid Vicious 1957–1979 Musician (Sex Pistols) Heroin overdose. Suicide. [345]
Elisabeth Rivers-Bulkeley 1924–2006 Stock-broker Barbiturate overdose. Euthanasia. [346]
Brad Renfro 1982–2008 Actor Heroin and morphine overdose. [347]
Rachel Roberts 1927–1980 Actress Barbiturate overdose. Suicide. [348]
Don Rogers 1962–1986 American football player Cocaine-induced heart attack. [349]
Steve Rogers 1954–2006 Rugby league player Lethal combination of anti-depressants and alcohol. Accidental. [350]
Monica Rose 1948–1994 TV show hostess Antidepressants and tranquillisers overdose. Suicide. [351][352]
Alma Rubens 1897–1931 Actress Illness caused by heroin and cocaine addiction. [353]
David Ruffin 1941–1991 Musician (the Temptations) Cocaine overdose. [354]
Gail Russell 1924–1961 Actress Alcoholism. [355]
Sherri Russell, aka Sherri Martel 1958–2007 Professional wrestler Overdose of multiple, including high amounts of oxycodone. Accidental. [356]

[edit] S

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
George Sanders 1906–1972 Actor Nembutal overdose. Suicide. [357]
John Saunders 1954–1999 Musician (Mad Season) Heroin overdose. [358]
Catya Sassoon 1968–2002 Model, actress Hydromorphone and cocaine overdose. [359]
Sonja Savić 1961–2008 Actress Unspecified drug overdose. [360]
Sybille Schmitz 1909–1955 Actress Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [361]
Bon Scott 1946–1980 Musician (AC/DC) Official cause of death listed as "acute alcohol poisoning". [362]
Ronnie Scott 1927–1996 Jazz tenor saxophonist Prescription barbiturate overdose. Accidental. [363]
Pat Screen 1943–1994 American football player Unspecified drug overdose. [364]
Rod Scurry 1956–1992 Major League Baseball pitcher Cocaine-induced heart attack. [365]
Jean Seberg 1938–1979 Actress Barbiturate and alcohol overdose. Suicide. [366]
Chantal Sébire 1955–2008 Teacher Pentobarbital overdose. Euthanasia. [367]
Edie Sedgwick 1943–1971 Actress Barbiturate and alcohol overdose. Undetermined. [368]
Bobby Sheehan 1968–1999 Musician (Blues Traveler) Unspecified drug overdose. [369]
Eric Show 1956–1994 Baseball player Cocaine and heroin overdose. [370]
Elizabeth Siddal 1829–1862 Model, poet, artist Laudanum overdose. [371]
Judee Sill 1944–1979 Musician Cocaine and heroin overdose. [372]
Don Simpson 1943–1996 Film producer Cocaine-induced heart attack. Twenty other drugs were found in his blood. [373]
Tom Simpson 1937–1967 Cyclist Dehydration and exhaustion while cycling exacerbated by amphetamines and alcohol use. [374]
Hillel Slovak 1962–1988 Musician (Red Hot Chili Peppers) Heroin overdose. [375]
Alvim Smith 1798–1823 Carpenter's assistant Mercury(I) chloride overdose. Officially administered to cure bilious colic; speculated murder. [376]
Daniel Smith 1986–2006 Student, Anna Nicole Smith's son Cardiac dysrhythmia caused by combination of methadone, Lexapro and Zoloft. [377]
Corey Smoot aka. Flattus Maximus 1977–2011 Guitarist Coronary artery thrombosis related to cocaine and opiate use. [378]
Dash Snow 1981–2009 Artist Heroin overdose. [379]
Robert Soblen 1900–1962 Psychiatrist Barbiturate overdose. [380]
Erin Spanevello 1987–2008 Fashion model Overdose of MDMA and GHB. [381][382]
Layne Staley 1967–2002 Musician (Alice in Chains) Cocaine, heroin and codeine overdoses. [383]
Miroslava Stern 1926–1955 Actress Overdose of sleeping pills. Suicide. [384]
Inger Stevens 1934–1970 Actress Barbiturate overdose. Suicide. [385]
Bradley Stewart, aka Gidget Gein 1969–2008 Musician (Marilyn Manson) Heroin overdose. [386]
Rory Storm 1939–1972 Musician Alcohol and sleeping pill overdose. [387]
Margaret Sullavan 1909–1960 Actress Barbiturate overdose. Suicide. [388]
James Owen Sullivan, aka The Rev 1981–2009 Musician (Avenged Sevenfold) "[A]cute polydrug intoxication due to combined effects of oxycodone, oxymorphone, diazepam, nordiazepam and ethanol." [389]
Royce Surdam 1835–1891 Real-estate agent Laudanum overdose. Accidental. [390]
Jennifer Syme 1972–2001 Actress Crashed her car while under the influence of cocaine, clonazepam and cyclobenzaprine. [391][392]

[edit] T

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Warren Tartaglia, aka Walid al-Taha 1944–1965 Jazz musician Heroin overdose. [393]
Chase Tatum 1973–2008 Former professional wrestler Apparent drug overdose following years of addiction to painkillers. [394]
Vinnie Taylor 1949–1974 Musician (Sha Na Na) Unspecified drug overdose. [395]
Sara Teasdale 1884–1933 Poet Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [396]
Gary Thain 1948–1975 Musician (Uriah Heep) Respiratory failure due to a heroin overdose. [397]
Ada Thompson, aka Vivien Merchant 1929–1982 Actress Alcoholism. The coroner stated Merchant "drank herself to death." [398]
John Thompson 1938–1976 Poet Overdose of barbiturates and alcohol. [399]
Jotie T'Hooft 1956–1977 Poet Unspecified drug overdose. [400]
Johnny Thunders 1952–1991 Musician (the New York Dolls) Conflicting sources report heroin overdose[401] or methadone and cocaine poisoning[402] or that the autopsy did not disclose a cause of death.[403]
Georg Trakl 1887–1914 Poet Cocaine overdose. Suicide. [404]
Chögyam Trungpa 1939–1987 Buddhist meditation master Cardiac arrest exacerbated by heavy alcohol use. [405]
D. M. Turner 1962–1996 Author Drowned in a bathtub while under the influence of ketamine. [406]
Ike Turner 1931–2007 Musician, producer Cocaine overdose with high blood pressure and emphysema as contributing factors. [407]
Dick Twardzik 1931–1955 Jazz pianist Heroin overdose. [408][409]
Helen Twelvetrees 1908–1958 Actor Unspecified drug overdose. Suicide. [410]
John Tyndall 1820–1893 Physicist Overdose of Purple Drank. Accidental. [411]

[
edit] U

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Dorothy Uhnak 1930–2006 Author Unspecified drug overdose. Suicide. [412]
Stu Ungar 1953–1998 Professional poker player Heart condition caused by long-term cocaine abuse. [413]
Enrique Urquijo 1960–1999 Singer Unspecified drug overdose. [414]

[edit] V

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Paul Vaessen 1961–2001 Former professional footballer Unspecified drug overdose. [415]
Brandon Vedas 1981–2003 Computer expert Multiple drug overdose, incluide "alcohol, cannabis, psilocybin mushroom, clonazepam, temazepam, methadone, hydrocodone and propanolol". [416][417]
Lupe Vélez 1908–1944 Actress Secobarbital overdose. Suicide. [418]
Michael VerMeulen 1956–1995 Magazine editor Cocaine overdose. [419]
Jeffrey James Vickers, aka Jon Vincent 1962–2000 Pornographic actor Heroin overdose. [420]

[edit] W

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Marie Walcamp 1894–1936 Actress Pain killer overdose. Suicide. [421]
Robert Walker 1918–1951 Actor Reaction to a sedative administered by his doctor. [422]
Dinah Washington 1924–1963 Singer Secobarbital and amobarbital overdose. [423]
Dave Waymer 1958–1993 American football player Cocaine-induced heart attack. [424][425]
George Webley aka Big George 1957–2011 Broadcaster Heart attack after mephedrone use. [426]
Mikey Welsh 1971–2011 Musician with the group Weezer "Overdose" [427]
Daniel Webster 1782–1852 Statesman Cerebral hemorrhage, caused by a blow to the head and complicated by alcohol-induced cirrhosis of the liver. [428]
Willie Wilde 1852–1899 Journalist "Complications related to his alcoholism." [429]
Ellen Wilkinson 1891–1947 Politician Barbiturate overdose. [430]
Gertrude Elizabeth Wilkerson, aka Luna Vachon 1962–2010 Professional wrestler Overdose of oxycodone and benzodiazepine. Accidental. [431]
Hank Williams, aka Hank Williams, Sr. 1923–1953 Country Music singer / writer Overdose of morphine and alcohol. Accidental. [432]
Kenneth Williams 1926–1988 Actor, author Barbiturate overdose. It was not possible to establish whether his death was suicide or accidental. [433][434]
Alan Wilson 1943–1970 Musician (Canned Heat) Unspecified drug overdose. Possibly suicide. [435]
Amy Winehouse 1983–2011 Singer-Songwriter Alcohol poisoning. [436]
Sheree Winton 1935–1976 Singer-songwriter Alcohol poisoning. [437]
Rachel Whitear 1979–2000 Student Heroin overdose. Accidental. [438]
Brett Whiteley 1939–1992 Artist Heroin overdose. [439]
Grant Withers 1905–1959 Actor Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide. [440]
Keith Whitley 1954–1989 Singer Alcohol poisoning. [441]
Frances Wollstonecraft, aka Fanny Imlay 1794–1816 Wife Laudanum overdose. Suicide. [442]
Linda Wong 1951–1987 Pornographic actress Overdose of Xanax, chloral hydrate, and alcohol. [443]
Andrew Wood 1966–1990 Singer (Mother Love Bone) Heroin overdose. [444]
Anna Wood 1980–1995 Student Water intoxication secondary to use of MDMA. [445][446]

[edit] Y

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Paula Yates 1959–2000 TV presenter, author Heroin overdose. Accidental. [447]
Kelly Yeomans 1984–1997 Student Unspecified drug overdose. Suicide. [448]

[edit] Z

NameLifeProfessionCause of deathReference
Stefan Zweig 1881–1942 Playwright Sleeping pill overdose. Suicide.