The mother-daughter relationship is a slippery slope. Love them, hate them, love them, I can speak of my relationship with my mother only in the past tense. She passed in 1983 when I was 27 and had two babies to bring up, now without her. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Mom's advice to me before she died was this "Fulfill your Desire" that's basically what she said. She wasn't eloquent, she said do what you want to do in this life, don't look back with regret at not having done that which you desire. I wasn't able to fulfill this until now. I've lived my life but was busy trying to keep my head above water with those two kids to raise and all. Now is my time. I know this in my heart of hearts. I will not leave this life without doing this, for myself and for my Mom. I AM FULFILLING MY DESIRE.
There are several parts to my desire, it isn't just one thing. I wanted to do something important with my life, outside of the whole raising kids and family stuff. I had no idea what that "itch and burn" in my soul was until this year. Then I realized I want to be a writer. I had no freaking idea this was my desire until I stumbled into it. Well, we all know there are no coincidences so "stumbled into it" should be "when God helped me to realize it." I love writing. I am doing something important that exists outside of my maternal responsibilities. Something just for me. My Desire. Part 1.
And now I pass on this advice to you my daughter, because part of my Desire is for you to "Fulfill Your Desire." My Desire. Part 2. I know that it's hard raising three kids by yourself but you are doing the best job you possibly can and I am so proud of you. So is she. You may not know what it is yet, this Desire, just like I didn't until now. It's there, though, and will present itself when the time is right.
I miss my Mom every single day but I know that her spirit lives on in me, my kids, and my grandkids. I know she is smiling down on me now because I got it. Yes Mom, I really got it. Thank you and I love you.
A special note to my son Jesse. I know this post talks about your sister and doesn't mention you. Everything that I am saying to Jocelyn applies to you. It's just that this is a Mother's Day article and she is a Mother! I love you both, equally and want the same for you both. Equally.
Namaste Mothers everywhere. And we all know that every day really is Mother's Day.
Mom and Dad Wedding Day 1955
This is dedicated to my mom, Marion. And to my Aunt Claire who took over over being my "Muv" after Mom passed. Thank you. And to my Aunt Cheryl for her support of my work. You Rock!