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Myrna Deas - Talking To God And Dead People

INTO THE MYSTIC:
Getting To Know Real-Life Psychic Medium, Myrna Deas

We are born with God-given gifts that are not always understood. When we think of Picasso, Bach, Nureyev, we recognize that something is different about them; they can do things beyond that of the normal person. We accept and celebrate their gifts and never question them, really, because we understand what they are doing: painting, composing and playing music, dancing. Gifts from God do not always follow the rules of being tangible, something we can touch, see or feel. Some people have gifts that take faith to acknowledge, but once accepted can change our outlook on life and death.

I thought I knew a lot about psychic mediums through those represented on television. Recently I had the privilege and life-changing experience of meeting Myrna Deas. Myrna is a psychic medium. She uses her gift to communicate with those passed over while using this channel to help us to heal. In my own experience, she was able to connect me with my long-deceased mother and deliver some vital medical information to me that has saved my life. I find comfort in knowing that my loved ones passed are somewhere, just not here, though never really far from us, as I learned from my time with Myrna. Open your heart and mind to accept new information and learn about this amazing gift.

Me: You were born in the Bronx; tell us about your early life and family.

Myrna Deas (MD): I was born on Christmas Day. I’ve always loved sharing my birthday with such an important holiday. My mom and dad always made sure I would feel remembered, and so the holiday season is always really special for me. I have a brother who is a year older than me and a sister who is 12 years younger. I grew up in a really “normal” family. My memories are of those typical early childhood experiences: going to the park, visiting Coney Island, being around family. My mother remembers things differently, though. She can tell you about my acute fear of heights, and of the dark. I never really liked having anyone around me when I was playing. In general, I suppose I was a stressed-out kid, but that felt “normal” to me.

Me: Your first experience occurred when you were just 3 years old; tell us about it.

MD: It was early evening, and I was in my room playing (by myself). My mother was calling for me so that I could take a bath. Suddenly I saw my great-grandmother standing in front of me. She was a person who scared me: She was really tall, she had big hands and longs arms, and I don’t recall her smiling very much. Also, she had this round mole on her chin, with hair growing out of it, so you can imagine how I felt about getting close to her! 
I remember standing very still and having this sensation of intense heat in my face. I don’t recall saying anything. And then she said, “Tell your dad I died.” I remember just standing there and blinking at her. Then she told me to give her a hug. When I didn’t move, she walked over to me, and patted me on the head, and said, “Don’t forget to tell your dad that I died.” Right then, my mom called me into the bathroom again. I remember looking back to see if Mom was coming to my bedroom, and then when I looked forward again, my great grandmother, Mama Flossie, was gone. When I went to join my mother in the bathroom, I very simply asked her, “What is died?” My mother, in her typically prosaic fashion, simply explained that died means you no longer breathe (which set off another phobia for me: worrying about my breathing ability!). When she asked why I wanted to know, I told her Mama Flossie had died. My mother told me that was not something to joke about—that we didn’t want to hurt my father’s feelings (Mama was my father’s grandmother). Just after my mother explained I was not to joke about such things, the phone rang. Someone told my dad Mama Flossie had, indeed, died. And that was my first experience with seeing people who have passed.

Me: From what I understand, not all mediums are the same. What are your gifts? For example, can you read people as a medical medium?

MD: It is true—not all mediums are the same. Each person’s particular calling has to do with their paths in life and the source of their information. I am not a medical medium. I can get some information about a person’s bodily issues, and I have some diagnostic ability, but medical readings are not my forte. My specific gifts are clairvoyance, or the ability to see people or situations I have not been exposed to; clairaudience, or the ability to hear people or situations I have not witnessed; psychometry, or the ability to feel energy in inanimate objects; precognition and retrocognition, which is the ability to see the future and past; dream interpretation; claircognition, which is the ability to know things I have no previous exposure to; and interpretation or discernment, the ability to see patterns and understand symbols occurring in one’s life. My work is in alignment. To be precise, my work is in "Life Path Alignment." This means I diagnose areas where one is “stuck” and cannot seem to move forward. Getting to the root of trauma, and everyone has trauma, is the key to understanding how one perceives their life experiences and how those experiences parlay into the choices one makes. For example, I worked with a young CPA recently, who is married with two children. She came to me with feelings of unspecified unhappiness and the belief she had never been happy—ever. As I worked with her, I found she had been “trained” to make smart choices in life. So she chose to marry someone who was acceptable to her family. She had children because her family wanted her to have kids. She became an accountant because her family felt that was an appropriate career path. For this young woman, making choices to make others happy resulted in her feeling like she was living her life for others. Hence, she was out of alignment. From there, we needed to work on practical solutions to help her begin healing from the need to please her family.

Me: When you are in a reading, what do you experience?

MD: Oooh—that’s a really good question! An hour or two before a reading, I feel agitated: jumpy, restless, overexcited. I meditate at this point, so I can calm down and prepare to meet with a client. Just before I meet with a client, I feel intense heat. The heat signals I’m ready to meet with my client. During a reading, I don’t feel a lot. I’m in a “trance” state, which is just another term for a daydream state. I feel “floaty” or dizzy. Frequently, I become really cold. I’m clairvoyant, which means I can see clearly. So I can see people who have passed over. And I’m clairaudient, which means I can hear them as well. Essentially, I am feeling the feelings and experiences of the person with whom I am communicating.

Me: Can you communicate with pets that have passed?

MD: I can communicate with animals. Again, it’s not my forte. There are very gifted practitioners who communicate with animals as part of their main practice. But animals frequently “pop up” in my readings. Animals are very important to us because they are very effective teachers of unconditional love and non-traditional family. Believe me, many clients are more emotional and interested in the fate of their fur-baby than in great-grandma.

Me: Do you receive messages when you are not “tuned in”?

MD: I do. Because spiritual counseling is my life’s work, I consider myself essentially “on call,” and so I remain open to the messages that come through. However, my approach and belief is that no one deserves to be ambushed with unrequested information. I believe those who are meant to receive messages through me will do so in the calm and respectful surroundings of a private setting. But if something does happen to come through, I ask why is this coming through and what am I supposed to do? And that approach has worked for me every time.

Me: What do you do to relax?

MD: This is absolutely the best question! Relaxation is difficult for me. I don’t really ever relax. I have horrible insomnia, and I can’t sit still for very long. This is because everything is energy, and energy is how information is received.
My favorite pastime is reading. I read a lot! Travel is a favorite pastime; there is nothing like experiencing a change of energy to revitalize me. And I like to entertain—putting together a party makes me very, very happy!

Me: Can you connect with anyone who has passed over? For example, I would love to speak with Dr. Wayne Dyer, who I never met in this life but have been a student of his teachings for over 40 years.

MD: Sure, I can reach anyone who is interested in reaching back. However, I don’t call just anyone into a reading—that would be a séance, which is problematic for me. I look for whoever wants to come through and speak. Those messages are the most healing and come with divine permission. Keep in mind, those of our loved ones who have passed over have the gift of higher perspective; you don’t have to look to Dr. Dyer for those messages. Most of those who have passed on have achieved a greater wisdom, and have the added benefit of knowing and loving you.

Me: Do those who pass over contact you to get in touch with their loved one(s) on this side?

MD: Typically, if someone on the other side wants to reach out to someone here, circumstances happen to bring us all together. Remember, there are no such things as coincidences! When I first began allowing myself to receive messages, I had a series of dreams about a bracelet. Months later, I found the bracelet while on a weekend away. Months after that, I randomly met the person who was meant to receive the bracelet. I’ve learned the key is to not overthink things but to have faith everything is meant to work out in its own way.

Me: Do you have a mentor?

MD: Sure, I have a mentor! I mentor directly with God—or the Holy Spirit. When I first began to openly acknowledge my gifts, I asked everyone who was psychic to mentor me. It was like some really bad movie from the 1930s. I was begging everybody for help. Every person whom I spoke with said my gifts were so strong and blessed that there was no mentoring they could offer me. Far from an ego boost, I felt lost and abandoned for a really long time. Then a really wise woman told me to go directly to the source of my gift. And that advice has worked for me ever since.

Me: Have you ever heard of someone losing their gift?

MD: Yes—not as in the gift just suddenly evaporating but as in the person stepping off his or her path, or losing alignment and the gift stops responding. For example, Whitney Houston had a world-class voice, definitely a strong gift from the divine. But due to the unfortunate circumstances of her life, she stepped off the path of singing and into the difficulties of substance abuse. It was through her substance abuse that she lost her voice. You may remember shortly before her death she was attempting a comeback, and she simply could no longer sing. This is really the same concept. Your gifts are meant to be used in a particular way. You risk your gift when you choose to adopt a different path in life.

Me: The way I understand it, we all have a level of psychic ability. People like you are very tuned in and have a strong ability. Is there anything that the average person can do to increase their psychic energy?

MD: Everyone is psychic! This is so true! There are two things everyone can do to strengthen their abilities:
1. Admit you have the ability. Then relax. Fighting that knowledge or trying to force the knowledge only distances you from the energy. Be OK with it. Don’t think it is evil; it is definitely God-given.
2. Trust. When information comes through, trust it’s real, trust it’s true, and trust it comes from a pure space. Everyone has said at some time in his or her life, “I knew it!” or “I should have gone with my first instinct!” That’s burgeoning psychic energy and serves to teach us to trust what’s coming through.

Me: What do you know about the other realm where our spirits reside?

MD: I know a few things about the other side. I don’t know a lot, though. Whenever I ask, I’m always told I don’t have the ability to completely comprehend, and it would be distracting to live my life knowing more than I do. I have seen some pretty incredible things, and bits and pieces that I’ve been able to peek into [show] it looks incredible.

Me: Do you have religious beliefs?

MD: I wouldn’t call myself religious but spiritual. I was raised in a very traditional Christian household, and much of that ideology remains for me. However, I’ve chosen to reject the dogma associated with denominations. I feel dogma is where so many people go astray. I read the Bible every day, but I also read lots of other religious or spiritually themed books.
My belief is everyone must experience God/Spirit/Source for themselves; religion is understanding God through someone else’s experience. I believe that God is the creator of everything—that we are meant to learn and co-create in this realm. I believe everyone has everything they need to make their way in life when they are born; it’s just a matter of unlocking potential. I believe God appears to each of us in very different ways; I believe it’s arrogant and short-sighted to believe that God shows up for everyone in exactly the same manner. I believe we all have the divine command to love and help one another. I try to honor that command in my everyday life.

Me: What are your life challenges?

MD: My challenges are pretty simple, really. I’ve dealt with the fear of being who I really am my whole life. Right now the biggest challenges I have are in setting personal time for myself. I’m in session almost constantly—which I love—but I don’t want to suffer from burnout.

Me: I’ve read that this gift is sometimes inherited. Is there anyone else in your family who has had it?

MD: Well, everyone is psychic, in some manner, so the gift itself is not necessarily inherited. But the type of gift and the intensity of it are definitely connected along family lines. It’s no different, really than any other gift. 
For example, you might see a long line of mechanics or athletes or linguists in a particular family tree—or look at the Barrymore family of distinguished actors. In my family, there are definitely a number of people who have had exceptionally strong clairvoyance or claircognizance. Most of those family members declined to call their gifts “clair-whatever,” but the gifts were definitely evident.

Me: Do you receive communication from the living?

MD: I do receive communication from the living. Sometimes they are far away. I’ve communicated with people in comas or vegetative states and a few with late-stage Alzheimer’s. I have received communication with angels and with God/Source/Divine.

Me: How do you prepare for a reading?

MD: I prepare for every reading through meditation and prayer. I meditate to achieve calm and to signal my readiness to work. I pray to signal my intentions. I have 3 prayers I use consistently. The first is to speak out gratitude for everything in my life and to communicate any help I might need. The second is to remove all bias, all prejudice, the need to judge or share personal opinions. This prayer is to reduce my ego, so I become a clear vessel for that person’s information. The third prayer is my client will recognize this time as a holy and sacred time, and the information will be taken in, accepted and used as a platform for change.

Me: What do you want to accomplish in this life?

MD: I am so blessed to be able to do what I do, every single day. I recognize the need to take my work to a bigger place, a bigger platform. So I am working steadily toward that. In addition, I see my work shifting at some point to teaching over individual counseling.

Me: What was your most memorable reading?

MD: I have done more than 12,000 readings, so it is a difficult question to answer. Perhaps the most impactful readings have been to help families achieve closure with people whose deaths were questionable in some way. This includes working with the police or private detectives, so evidence can be located or a crime re-assessed. I’ve worked with very high-profile people—politicians involved in the current election cycle and award-winning celebrities. Surprisingly, those are not the most memorable experiences I’ve had. I think to qualify for memorable, the reading has to impact me in a truly personal way. I have to experience a profound epiphany, along with my client. One very emotional reading was with a couple who had several miscarriages. They came to see me about difficulties in their marriage and whether they should stay together. And I saw the spirits of five children who tried to come through. These children were sending love and acknowledgment.
Needless to say, it was so surprising for this couple but ultimately truly healing. They emailed me later that they decided to go into couple’s counseling because they had recommitted to their marriage. That’s why I do what I do. If there’s any way my gift can help someone achieve closure or become “unstuck,” I want to help.

To reach Myrna Deas, visit her website at www.amoderndaymystic.com.

Aging Gracefully, I Don't Think So.

Aging Gracefully, I Don't Think So.

Cruising through the tv channels and I stumble across a show with "so and so aging gracefully" in the title. Ok, I'll bite. Since I am aging - I have just realized - I guess I should learn how to do it gracefully cause so far I am still in the kicking and screaming phase. The "star" said that her secret to aging gracefully is to have plastic surgery whenever something falls, shifts, darkens, or starts to look old. Why diet? Just have liposuction! Holy crap. Listen, lady, I can't afford a manicure let alone surgery.

I will admit that part of me - the devil on my left shoulder whispering in my ear - is loving this. "Hell yes, why not, if you had the money you would do this." The angel on my right shoulder is saying "This is just terrible, people should accept their aging bodies and celebrate the life they are having."

So here I am, stuck in the middle with you, and I still don't know when all this happened. I was just 40. Suddenly I am knock, knock, knocking on 60's door.

I don't know about you but I am having a hard time with this whole aging thing. Time is whizzing past and with it are going the superficial things that make me, well me.

Honk if you feel this way too.

Reluctant Grandmother

Reluctant Grandmother

I was a reluctant grandmother. Yes, I said it. I was a 44-year-old executive in banking and flying high on the freedom of the empty nest. I was a divorced woman with two grown children—and ​looking for love (in all the wrong places, of course), while​ trying to move up the corporate ladder.

Boom! My ​unmarried ​daughter was pregnan​t. ​​So many emotions welled up in that instant, as I tried to to digest the words. Confused, I questioned how it happened. Duh! Then I hit denial (“This can’t be true, she’s too young and not married, there must be a mistake!”). Then it turned around to bite me. That meant I was going to become a grandmother. At 44.

I was so horrified at the prospect of having a “grand” in front of “mother” that I did not consider the wonderful event that was impending. Selfish? Yes. But it was my turn, and I knew it would impact my life in a way I did not want, in a way that reminded me I was getting older.

I was a grandmother to a beautiful little girl we named “Danielle” March 13, 2000. I felt the shift in the hospital when I first laid eyes on this most beautiful baby​. I was a grandmother—at only 44. I realized what a gift I had been given—”doubly-blessed,” I would say. I was young enough to be able to keep up with the little one (right!) and she was yet another person for me to share my life with. Isn’t that what life is about? Not prestige, money, or dating younger men (do not judge me). It’s about ​the ​unconditional love​ that ​one person has for another.

Little more than a year later, we were blessed again—this time with a boy, Tyler. ​His birth and the birth of Kylie in 2005​ elicited the same feelings I had when Dani was born​: What a wonderful gift of unconditional love.​

For me, being a parent and a grandparent is ​about standing back and watching my daughter raise her children. I see her go through the same struggles I did in raising her and her brother. Sometimes I smile. Remember the “Mother’s Curse”: “I hope when you grow up, you have children that act just like you!”​ ​

I was a reluctant grandmother before, but I never have looked back or regretted one single moment of my life with my grandkids. They remind me that we are all here for a short time, and life is supposed to be fun. They are growing up way too fast. Dani is 15 and driving! Tyler is right behind her at 14, and Kylie is 10. I make it a point to touch base with them on a regular basis and I realized that they keep me young—something I never considered when I was agonizing over their impending births. They are my fountain of youth.

I still prefer to be called “Nay-Nay,” a name I came up with to avoid being called “grandmother” (again, don’t judge). But these days ​my reluctance is replaced with pride at being able to say, ​” I am their grandmother.” LOL

Hello, September 13th is Grandparents Day!



Hello, September 13th is Grandparents Day!

Yes, I am a cover girl!

“You are not my child and I am not your parent. We are bound together by our mutual relationship with my child, who is your parent.”

Relationships between grandparents and grandchildren are unique.

It's a conversation I recently had with my 10-year-old granddaughter, Kylie, the youngest of my three grandkids. She spent time with me during her summer vacation, and we were in a deep discussion about family dynamics. Kylie loves it when I tell her stories about her mother's childhood. I enjoy the trip down memory lane, too—especially with the child of my own child.

I was doing some research in preparation of writing this article during Kylie’s visit. She asked if she could help. Kylie is a chip off NayNay's block; she loves to write. So, we decided to collaborate on the assignment to cover Grandparents Day. (And, hey, what better way to get your message across than to lead by example?)

Grandparent’s Day is not any usual holiday. In 1970, Marian Lucille Herndon McQuade, a housewife and community leader in West Virginia, began a campaign to set aside a day to honor the grandparent. McQuade and her husband of 57 years, Joe, devoted their golden years to making the observance truly meaningful.

To be clear, it isn't a Hallmark holiday, invented to sell cards and flowers. McQuade wanted Grandparents Day to be about families enjoying small, private gatherings or participating in community events together. McQuade’s intentions were clearly thought-out:

Honor grandparents.
Give grandparents an opportunity to show love for their children's children.
Help children become aware of the strength, information, and guidance older people can offer.

In 1979, President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first Sunday after Labor Day as National Grandparents Day. In 2015, it will be celebrated on Sunday, Sept. 13.

National Grandparents Day gives us a chance to recognize the importance of grandparents. It is also a day of giving—sharing hopes, dreams, and values and setting an example, even advocating for future generations. In cultivating the bond between grandparents and grandchildren, observances can take any form, whether it’s preparing the family’s favorite meal together or showing younger kids how to use a real camera, not one attached to a phone. It’s about recollecting memories—and making new ones.

Kylie and I find that sharing a hobby connects us. Currently, I am teaching her how to raise fish in an aquarium. Along with aquarium talk, we exchange stories about our family and lives. We work to incorporate storytelling into our dialogue during each of our visits.

“It's important to share family stories with kids," LOL reader and Grandma Shelagh Clancy agrees. "It gives them a sense of identity and belonging. My granddaughter, Ana, is still little, but I like to tell her about when her mom was small. Ana gets a kick out of the notion that her mom was a baby and I was her mom! I also like to share songs and jokes with her. She thinks 'On Top of Spaghetti' is hilarious.”

Perhaps one of the most invigorating parts of grandparenthood comes with the insight into a child's mind once again. Their imaginations soar, especially when encouraged and valued. Grandma Chrissy Cadogan agrees.

“The best thing [I've encountered as a grandmother is] teaching them to look at the clouds and see the pictures in the them—the little things in life,” Cadogan notes.

Seeing grandchildren take on wisdom and knowledge, and repeat it in their own way, is an amazing gift for any grandparent. Kylie and I are training a new addition to our family: a 5 year-old Chihuahua we rescued and adopted. He is a wonderful little soul. Kylie just adores him, but he needs to learn the ways of our home. I recently overheard her conversation with “Weezie” about barking, and it was almost verbatim to my earlier training. I couldn’t help but chuckle over this moment. I realized firsthand the example I was setting for this little person, a task already accomplished with her mother, but somehow different from that primary relationship. In fact, most grandparents will probably agree: It’s just different with grandkids.

For many, a grandparent is not always directly related, either. My husband, Brian, is Kylie’s step-grandfather—and they couldn’t be closer if the same blood pumped through their veins. They enjoy each other's company.

"The time I spend with my grandkids is absolutely precious," Brian says. "We teach each other about life. For me, they are a new audience, I can tell my life stories to—especially since my wife has heard them all."

He and Kylie often spend days at the park, exercising the dogs. "Such energy!" he excites. "She loves spending time with us and I get to know what little girls are made of since I have no grandkids from my [biological] son.”

”I love my NayNay and Mr. Brian," Kylie says. "I love to spend time at their house with all the animals. My favorite time is when we look at pictures, and NayNay tells me stories about my mom and us when we were little. It makes me laugh.”

It makes me laugh, too. And that’s what it’s about for my family. Laughing, loving, and enjoying life—sharing the wisdom of all ages. It truly is a gift that just keeps giving.

More so, it adds value to our lives when we take the time to open up to our families and remind each other where we've been and imagine the future ahead. It can make a difference to all grandchildren in seeing their elders for who they are. As for me, well, nothing delights my grandkids more than seeing me rock out to Pink Floyd or Bon Jovi. They are amazed I was young once—more so, even that I did some of the things they do, good and bad.

Happy Grandparents Day from our family to yours.



My maternal grandparents Earl and Atlantic Rebecca.

United States Of Confusion

United States Of Confusion

I am truly confused and I am an American. Why are we called the “United States” when there is very little legislation we are united about?

What’s with our system of laws?

Federal laws are generally applicable in all states. However, under constitutional laws, states are allowed to create, implement and enforce their own laws in addition to federal laws. This is because every U.S. state is also a sovereign entity in its own right and has the power to create laws and regulate them according to their needs. Some categories of laws that vary from state to state are: gun control laws, child custody laws, trucking, and motor carrier laws, business and corporate laws, and marriage licensing laws, especially with regards to same-sex marriage. Oh, and marijuana laws. Case in point:

Twenty-three states and the District of Columbia currently have laws legalizing marijuana in some form. Four states have legalized marijuana for recreational use. In Alaska, adults 21 and older can now transport, buy or possess up to an ounce of marijuana and six plants. Oregon voters approved a similar measure allowing adults to possess up to an ounce of marijuana in public and 8 ounces in their homes, set to take effect July 1, 2015. Colorado and Washington previously passed similar ballot measures legalizing marijuana in 2012. In February, a measure approved by voters went into effect in the District of Columbia that legalizes possession of small amounts of marijuana.

Other states have passed medical marijuana laws allowing for limited use of cannabis. Some medical marijuana laws are broader than others, with types of medical conditions that allow for treatment varying from state to state. Other states have passed laws allowing residents to possess cannabis oil if they suffer from certain medical illnesses. Most recently, Georgia Governor Nathan Deal signed a law legalizing the possession of up to 20 ounces of cannabis oil. *

So the states march on, some passing laws allowing the medical and/or recreational use of marijuana. But ultimately it is still illegal on the federal level. Confused yet?

*Information is current as of April 17, 2015.

This article appeared in View From The Hot Tub, Livinoutloudmag.com, July 2015 edition.

Livin La Vida Local

Livin La Vida Local

(This post is dedicated to Kellers Bakery in Linthicum, MD, where they make the most delicious jelly turnovers I have ever tasted.)

I recently discovered through Facebook that the bakery we visited daily on our way home from school in the 60’s is closing after 53 years in business.

This is just another reminder that the local business is an endangered species.

Who’s to blame? We are. Lured in by the promise of lower prices, consumers flock to corporate-run, well here I would say retailers, but corporate ownership invades every aspect of our lives. Have you tried to find a doctor in private practice?

We don’t have to sit back and let this happen. According to an April 29, 2015, blog post on the Wilmington Chamber Website, “Wilmington Ranks as Second Best City in U.S. to Start a Business”, knocked out of first by Boulder, Colorado.

So what can you do? Live local. Local home sales rose 28% in June, the biggest jump in our area in nine years. There will be new residents in this group, let your new neighbor know about the local businesses in your area. Another way to live local is to shop local and ask your local purveyor to price match if their price is higher. If your local shop doesn’t carry an item you want, ask them to order it for you. We can make a difference if we show local businesses that we will support them. Let’s keep our existing local businesses in business and encourage those who are chasing the American dream of owning their own business to open it here.

Looking for local? Just a sampling of local businesses:

On Facebook: Buylocalilm
Wilmington NC Locally Owned Businesses

On the web: Wilmingtonchamber.org
www.feastdowneast.org/supportingrestaurants.html
http://www.tidalcreek.coop
http://www.portcityproduce.com
bluemoongiftshops.com
http://www.jfountaintire.com

This article appeared in the August edition of Livin' Out Loud magazine.

A Dad And A Dog And Carling Black Label Beer

A Dad And A Dog And Carling Black Label Beer

When I was 4-years-old, I suffered a serious dog bite to the face. I was trying to pet Herman, the neighbor’s Dalmatian. He was on a chain and I, in my 4-year-old mind, I thought he was lonely and needed me to pet him. Well, he didn’t see it that way and I ended up with a face full of stitches and a fear of dogs that would last well into my pre-teens.

It wasn’t until we adopted Gigi (her full name was Gigi a'la Black Label), the runt of my aunt’s black poodle litter, that I began to understand the relationship between dogs and people. I learned about dogs not from my own experience with Gigi, but from her relationship with my Dad (he worked at Carling Black Label for 33ish years). My brother and I were thrilled to bring home our little bundle of black poodle fur, but it was clear right from the start that Gigi was dad’s dog. Words were hardly spoken between them, usually just a look or gesture from dad and she would react appropriately. It wasn’t me she slept with, she had her spot right under his bed. Wherever he went, she went. This is when I realized that animals have a soul.

Understanding replaced the fear in my relationship with dogs. I have been the proud fur parent for many dogs, especially when I lived in Duplin County, NC, where people would dump them off on the side of the road when they were no longer cute and cuddly. Many dogs found their way to my sanctuary and lived happy lives.

I will always have dogs. Right now, a Maltese named Sally and Malti-Tzu named Kiki, are part of my family, as well as cats (of course strays find me here in Wilmington, too) and an array of aquatic friends, that also give me joy. They all have souls and they all deserve to be treated with respect.

I leave you with these Father’s Day/Pet Month thoughts:
Don’t take an animal if you can’t commit to their care for their lifetime.
Spay and neuter your pets.
Tell your dad you love him.

This article also appears in the June 2015 issue of livinoutloudmag.com

Glass Houses And Stones

Glass Houses And Stones

Have you ever been rude to someone? Have you ever spoken harsh words? Everyone who is reading this must answer yes because you know you have. So how can we judge other people harshly for doing the same thing? People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

As I write this, there is a news story about a celebrity being rude to a tow truck employee. Her car got towed and she is very upset. There were words exchanged and the celebrity went on a vicious verbal attack and blasted the tow employee with hurtful words. SO?

Well, this celebrity received a week's suspension from her job. For something that happened during her own time. And there are many people who are supporting her suspension and are calling for her dismissal.

I have been towed and I was furious. I can relate to how the celebrity felt. I can also relate to the person being lambasted because I have been on that end too.

Their exchange was videotaped and now the celebrity is being judged by a society of Hypocrites. Hypocrite: A person who pretends to be someone they are not. An example of a Hypocrite: The people who give you the finger while they are sitting in the line of traffic leaving church.

Isn’t there a line in the Bible about judging others?
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure, you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”*

So if you don’t agree with something someone else says or does, that’s OK. You have the right to your opinion, however, don’t judge, just accept that you don’t see eye to eye on this and move on. And you may ask yourself as you are forming this opinion: Have I ever done or said something like this? If you answer yes, this means that when you did it, it was OK. When someone else does it, it is not?

Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. OK?

Namaste

*Matthew 7:1-5

This article will appear in Livin' out Loud magazine, May 2015 edition. Click to go:
Livin Out Loud magazine

Writer's Block-Head

Writer's Block-Head

Crap, I think I have writer's block and I have a story due to my editor. Nothing is coming. Not a fucking thought I can use to create this masterpiece of a magazine interview. That's right, interview, so most of the writing is already done for me. All I have to do is take it from recorder to keyboard. Nope. Oh, I've done all kinds of creative stuff today, even made a video about my daughter's tongue hanging out all the time. But every time I come back to try to do this article I blank out. Crickets. No, not even crickets, they abandoned me long ago.

Have I lost my writing Mojo? I hope not, it's one thing I really enjoy doing in this world of things we do every day. When I am writing I am writing, nothing else. I am as Eckhart Tolle would say "present in this moment" aware of nothing but taking the words that enter my brain and putting them on paper. Channeling some other consciousness? I don't know, I just know that I am having a shit-storm of a time writing up this article.

OK, well there is more to this than I have told you so far. The person I am writing about is an idol. Not an American Idol, a real writing idol of mine. In fact, her writing influenced me to become a writer. If she can do it, I can too, or so I thought, until today when this article is due and I haven't started it.

Self-doubt is sitting on my right shoulder whispering in my ear. I've had a lot of trouble with self-doubt lately, trying to hold me back from moving forward in life. Well, I spate him once this week, I am just going to have to find it within me to spate him again. A double spate.

After all, I can't back out now. She KNOWS this is coming, we hung out for over an hour chatting about life and comedy and writing. It's the cover story for the January issue. Yikes. That's not helping.

So I think I will try something my idol told me she does when she needs to be inspired. Go read a book by someone you admire. Thanks, Celia, I am going to do just that. I'll let you know how it goes.

Voices Carry

Voices Carry

Have you ever really thought about how you come to a decision? How many times do you end up with decision regret, buyer's remorse, whatever? Most of the time I am not really aware of the process, it just happens, but I decided to pay attention to the voices in my head while I was processing a recent decision. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Where did this idea come from?
Him: I don't know it just happened.
Me: What were you doing when it happened?
Him: I don't remember, it just started taking over my brain and before I knew it I had to find a solution to the problem.
Me: But it isn't a problem, it's just an idea.
Him: I know, but I have to solve it.
Me: No you don't. You are making a problem where there is just an idea.
Him: But how can I solve it if I don't fix it.
Me: It doesn't need fixing, it isn't broken, it isn't even born yet. It's just an idea and you have already decided it will fail before you have even given it a chance to be.
Him: No, I solved it. It won't work.
Me: You can't say that, we haven't invented it yet.
Him: But there no need it won't work. I already solved it.
Me: OK then walk me through how you solved it.
Him: I don't know, I just know it won't work. You aren't that smart. How could you invent something that no one else has thought of? If it were a good idea, it would already have been invented.

And there you have it. I wonder how many times we stop at this point, cut the bud from the flower. How many great ideas never get migrated because of our internal dialog?

I am not ending this. I am going to move forward with my idea even though my internal dialog is not on board,

In fact, here it is. Well, what I have of it so far. It isn't completely worked out because I am only working with a part of my resources. The other part refuses to cooperate, as you have seen. Oh, he'll get on board when he gets some encouragement, so I need to spread the word. Help me won't you, I need to prove him wrong.

And here's something interesting, I didn't realize until I wrote this that my "inner person" is a guy. Go figure.

But I Don't Wanna Grow Up

But I Don't Wanna Grow Up

I've finally reached that point in life where I can say I am a grown-up. Not sure how it happened but somewhere along the way I became my parents. Here are just a few of the oddities of behavior that have led me to this conclusion:

I dislike the music of today and think that the only great music was the music of my generation.

I feel the same about most television shows and movies.

I don't care what I wear to Wal-Mart.

Comfortable flats beat Carrie Bradshaw shoes every time. I don't even own high heels anymore.

Weekends are for sleeping. And I would never be out past 10:00 p.m.

Concerts are loud and people act stupid. I'd rather stay home and watch it on tv.

Ditto fireworks and every other celebration involving more than 4 people

I don't care what you think about my opinions.

Funny how your life does a 180. I don't know what happened to that girl who loved loud concerts and bars, would never leave the house unmade-up, never missed a party, and lived for the weekends hanging with friends. I guess she's still in here somewhere.

My next question would be, is this all there is? Or is this just another one of those life transitions that are supposed to help us grow to our purpose? This too shall pass?

Will I ever be "that girl" again? I sure hope she comes back around. I miss her and I know my friends do too.

We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost

I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost

Do you believe in an afterlife, that this life is merely a chapter in our book, our soul leaves this human body and takes up in another form and continues with the next chapter? I don't know, but there are people who claim to be able to communicate with the departed. Kim Russo (The Haunting of) and Theresa (Long Island Medium) Caputo are two people who claim to be able to speak with the dearly departed and until somebody proves otherwise, I believe them.

I knew there were a lot of spirit-based shows on these days, and I found this cool list of paranormal shows on a blog by Sharon Hill. I condensed her list down to more recent shows:

Title Run Years Category Channel/Network
Ghost Hunters 2004-current Ghosts Syfy
A Haunting 2005-2007 Ghosts Discovery Channel / Destination America
Ghost Hunters International 2008-2012 Ghosts Syfy
Ghost Adventures 2008-current Ghosts Travel Channel
Haunted (The) 2009 Ghosts Animal Planet
Celebrity Ghost Stories 2009-current Ghosts Biography Channel
Fact Or Faked: Paranormal Files 2009-current Paranormal Syfy
My Ghost Story 2010 Ghosts Biography Channel
Paranormal State: The New Class 2010 Paranormal A&E Network
I Survived…Beyond and Back 2011 Miracles Biography Channel
Haunted Collector 2011-2013 Ghosts SyFy
Paranormal Witness 2011 Paranormal SyFy
Long Island Medium 2011-current Psychics TLC
Haunted Highway 2012-current Paranormal SyFy
Ghost Mine 2012-2013 Paranormal SyFy
The Haunting Of… 2012-current Paranormal Biography
Stranded 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Deep South Paranormal 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Killer Contact 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Joe Rogan Questions Everything 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Psychic Tia 2013 Psychics A & E
The Unexplained Files 2013 Paranormal Science Channel
Stalked by a Ghost 2013 Paranormal Biography
The Ghost Inside My Child 2013- Paranormal Biography
Ghost Bait 2013 Paranormal Biography
When Ghosts Attack 2013 Paranormal Destination America
Mystery Map 2013 Paranormal ITV (UK)
The Curse of Oak Island 2013- Paranormal History
Haunting: Australia 2014 Paranormal SyFy
Cell Block Psychic 2014 Psychics Investigation Discovery
The R.I.P. Files 2014 Paranormal A&E CI (Australia and New Zealand)
Miracles Decoded 2014 Miracles History Channel (CAN)
Mom’s a Medium 2014 Psychics CMT (Canada)
Ghost Asylum 2014 Paranormal Destination America
Angels Among Us 2014 Miracles TLC
Amish Haunting 2014 Paranormal Destination America
Ghost Stalkers 2014 Paranormal Destination America

I find it odd that people do not like to admit they watch shows like this. There are some good quality shows like John Zaffis and Haunted Collector, as well as the hokey ones like Ghost Adventures which I refuse to watch because it is bad, did you hear that?

I am not ashamed to raise my hand and proudly state, I ain't afraid of no ghost, I enjoy these shows.

Do ghosts exist? Is there an afterlife? I don't know but if I get there before you I'll send a message through Kim or Theresa.

Did you hear that?

Who Is Really Your Doctor? 26

Who Is Really Your Doctor?

My neurologist is a very educated and experienced doctor. He understands my condition and what it takes to give me some relief because my condition is incurable and causes all sorts of pain. Why does my doctor have to ask the "insurance company" what they will allow me to have medically performed or prescribed to keep me in good health?

Real conversation that I had with one of my doctors:

Doctor: The insurance company won't pay for your Botox treatments to control your migraine condition. They say you are not getting enough pain-free days to justify the cost.

Me: What? How do they know how many days I have pain-free? Nobody's asked me how I feel every day.

Doctor: They say you must have an improvement of at least 7 pain-free days or 100 pain-free hours per month.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? How am I supposed to know that? If I get the Botox to eliminate the pain how do I know how many hours a month I would have had pain? OMG, I am so confused. I am getting a migraine.

I know he is disgusted with the way things are in the medical/insurance scam that we call health care, but he has dedicated his life to helping people and he's not going to give up, he's just resigned himself to do what he has to, to help his patient.

While the insurance folks are getting richer, we get sicker and broker, trying to get relief from conditions that the insurance company has deemed too expensive to treat on a regular basis. You have 30 pain days a month, we will give you 6 pills a month that will make you feel all better.

And now I am getting a migraine.

Dog And Cats And Rainy Days 25

Dog And Cats And Rainy Days
   
I am the fur mom to 2 dogs and 6 cats. We also have fish, but I didn’t count them, no fur, unless you count that ick stuff they get that looks like cotton on their bodies, then they have a lot of fur, icky fur. OK.

Something happens to my sweet little animal family when it rains. We have the critters as well as me and B-Dubb, in a two-bedroom apartment. Most of the time it’s fine, everyone has their place: Sylvester in the closet in the big bedroom, Bob on the shelf in my bathroom, Lily on top of the kitchen cabinets, Gray at the bottom of the bed, Cadee in the window. Oh, and Sammy, who has several homes from the look of his portly girth. He’s with his other family right now. The dogs, Sally and Kiki, both of the yappy-bark breeds, are sweet little gifts from God and they are usually under our feet. Until it rains.

Nobody will go outside. I don’t care how bad they have to pee or poo, they refuse to get their feet wet, so they pace around the apartment, snarking at each other cause everybody’s gotta go.

Really? Tell you what, how about you all stay in the house while I go outside and wait for the rain to stop. I’d rather get wet than sit in the house with you all right now. Later.




Hello, It's Me 24

Hello, It's Me

Been a while, eh (for our Canadian friends). Well, I got sucked into the black hole of writing for someone else and not for myself. Good news, I am back.

I'm actually glad I took this hiatus from writing for myself because I learned a lot. Let's jump right in, shall we?

First I must address some current events that are stuck in my craw:

Jodi Arias - Really? She did it, she admitted she did it, what are we arguing about?
Kim Khardashian and the rest of them - their claim to fame is?
Honey Boo-Boo - this one makes blood squirt from my eyes. And she has 3.5 million viewers.
I can't believe The Bachelor is still on.
I never got "The Big Bang Theory."
Why do we dislike those that are not like us?
Why do we hold a grudge over things that happened before we were born?
Is enough ever really enough?
Why are people so against medical marijuana, a natural substance that can help many people deal with many illnesses?
We are going to lose the ability to relate to each other face-to-face because of texting, email, and social media. The worst thing I saw today was the shooting at Florida State. Everybody was on their cell phone either documenting the event or talking to loved ones. Everyone was in their own little world instead of working together to figure out how to stay alive.

Wow, I feel better already. Gotta take this re-entry slow. More later.

When Fear Knocks At Your Door, Don't Answer 23

(This is my submission to the "Real Simple" magazine Life Lessons Essay Contest. The question... If you could change one decision that you made in the past, what would it be?)

I

When Fear Knocks At Your Door, Don't Answer

I shouldn’t have let fear in the front door. He knocked; I answered and let him in. I’m not sure when this happened exactly; I know I was too young to realize that this decision would cause me a lifetime of agony. You see, once you welcome fear into your life, he doesn’t leave. He’s always there, hiding in the shadows, waiting for his time. And if you aren’t strong enough to keep fear in his place, he will try to destroy you.

Some fear is healthy. It brings balance to our lives and without it we would bring ourselves great harm. Fear keeps us from pulling our car into on-coming traffic, for example. Fear of the unknown puts us on the alert when we encounter unfamiliar people and circumstances. It is self-preserving and in some circumstances, a good emotion. On the other side, sometimes fear goes on steroids and marches relentlessly through your life destroying every good thought you can throw at it. Some people call this a symptom of “Depression”.

I have had fear-less times in my life, times when nothing got in the way of my goal. I was strong, decisive, and as FEARLESS as the King of the Jungle. Then something happens and fear smells, well fear, and here he comes. “What if you can’t do it”, “What if you aren’t good enough”, “What if you fail” speed through my brain like the Indy 500, running the endless loop, over and over again until I question every decision I have and will make. Holy crap. Can’t move forward, can’t move back, you are stuck with fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the known, fear of death, fear of life, fear of fear. A regular fear fest.

One of my biggest (irrational) fears is that I am wasting my life, not doing anything important. Silly huh, especially considering that I am directly responsible for another branch on my family tree. I have two children, a son, and daughter, and my daughter blessed me with three children of her own. I gave five spirits a chance to have a human experience, and a pretty good one at that. I lose sight of this sometimes, this hugely important job that I did. I am so busy fearing that I am just ordinary, I totally miss the point.

Nobody lives forever and nobody is free from fear one hundred percent of the time, these are facts. It is also a fact that you can change your perception of life, choosing to live with faith instead of fear. I have this saying in plain view on my desk and read it often. ”Fear knocked at the door, faith answered, no one was there.” I got it out of a fortune cookie, by the way. Faith can mean anything you want it to. For those who believe in a higher power, faith is in their God; those who don’t share this belief system, faith is in something else. I believe in God so my faith in him is helping to keep my fear in check. When I feel fear is inappropriate for the situation, I examine what is happening right now, what was I thinking prior to the feeling of fear, and then I remind myself, you can only have one feeling at a time, which would you rather be feeling, fear or peace?

While writing this article, fear had to give his input. “What if you can’t finish this article”, “What if you don’t win”. Well, fear, it’s like this, this is the end of the article so I did finish. And if I don’t win that just means someone else’s article addressed the subject better than mine. So I will continue to write because I love it and because I can. If I could change the decision to allow fear into my life, I would but I can’t change what decisions I made in my past, all I can do now is move forward, one fearless step at a time.

Check out the rest of my pearls of wisdom at https://commoncentsinwilmingtonnc.blogspot.com/

Happy Birthday To Ringo And Me, I'm 56 In 56! 22

Happy Birthday To Ringo And Me, I'm 56 In 56!

Today is my birthday, July 8, 1956. It is also the birthday of my ex-husband, who is 8 hours older than me. And yesterday was Ringo's birthday. I don't know why but I recognize Ringo's birthday every year, have since I was a kid. At least now I Tweet him my wishes. Still waiting for the return Tweet.

This year I'm 56 in 56. How did this happen, how can I be a 56-year-old grandmother? Not like I've been in a coma or did a Rip Van Winkle, I have been here and aware of the passage of time.

Birthdays are a reminder of that passage, a time of reflection. Which was once a time of excitement, like Christmas, Jr., is now a time of acceptance that time is finite, our journey has an end and you are one year closer to it. I am okay with that.

I admit I do miss the feeling of excitement of the childhood birthday. The good wishes and cake and presents, especially the presents, those were good times. Mom always made your favorite dinner and everybody was really nice to you, even the ones who were not normally, like your bratty little brother. I remember the landmark birthdays, 13, 16, 18, 21, they brought certain rights and privileges, so the birthdays were a positive experience, and at that time you couldn't wait for your birthday.

After 21 the happy birthday thing went downhill for me. 30 was not a happy birthday. I'm 30, what the hell. That's OLD. Turning 40 evoked a similar reaction, although the realization that I still looked pretty hot smoothed that one out a little. 44 was a real eye opener as I became a grandmother and started dating a 22-year-old simultaneously, a confusing time. On my 50th birthday, I went out to the mailbox to retrieve the birthday card from Dad with $50 in it (which he discontinued this year BTW) only to be greeted with an invitation to join AARP now that I was qualified. Screw You. So much for 50.

Turning 52 was also a bittersweet birthday. I carried around the irrational fear that I would not make it past my Mom's death age. I did. I made it to 56, hopefully beyond.

55 was a landmark year for me. It's the year that I hit bottom and bounced out of my several years' long transitions and started on a new path. 56 will be the year that I move forward.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Love that saying, thanks, Brad. Living life is like eating an elephant. Take one bite, chew and savor, swallow then move on to the next piece. Repeat until you run out of elephant. 

Live until you die.

 

P.S. Mom was my hairdresser back then. Yikes.

This blog is dedicated to all the members of the "56 in 56" club. We still ROCK!!!!!

"Father Knows Best". A 50's Era Sitcom And Usually True 21

"Father Knows Best". A 50's Era Sitcom And Usually True.

I was an 8-year-old television channel flipper. Remotes hadn't been invented yet, it was the 60's. My Dad is an avid sports fan and on the weekends he enjoyed watching games from his favorite chair on our only tv. The channel knob was just out of reach of his chair, so he gave me the job of flipper. I would sit next to the tv waiting for Dad to give me the signal to flip the knob to the next game he was watching. It made my Daddy happy and I was content to sit there all day flipping channels so he could watch parts of every game televised. I got to spend time with my Dad while learning about sports.

This is just one of many warm memories I have of Pops, that's what I call him now, and whenever I feel unhappy I go to the memory book in my mind and conjure up a cherished snippet. Works every time. It's hard to feel bad when you recall Dad giggling with delight at his Easter prank. He made bunny pawprints (using mud) arranged in a path through the house that led to our baskets. And I always smile when I remember how we would all clear out when he announced he was going to "fix" something. Ruh-roh he has the screwdriver, run for your life kids. Pops isn't very handy.

As I got older I realized my Dad was wise. When I was 16 shopping for my first car he advised me not to buy the souped-up Pontiac Firebird from the used car lot. Told me I didn't need a car like that. He was right. I bought a brand new Ford Pinto instead and drove it till it died.

My Dad's viewpoint on raising children is simple. Whenever we (I have a younger brother who I still lovingly refer to as Brat) did something stupid, he would say to us "I shoulda raised poodles instead of kids, poodles listen." That was his friendly reminder to us that he was getting frustrated. I have said this to my kids on occasion.

My happy memory book is full of fun times with Pops. He's not going to believe this, he doesn't think we were happy as children. We were happy Pops. Sometimes we seemed unhappy but that's just because we were growing up. We were silly kids, then silly teenagers trying to figure things out. Inside, way down deep, we knew we were loved and we were happy.

We should never live in the past, but it's okay to visit there occasionally. Happy memories can sometimes block an unwanted impression from becoming a negative thought. So on this Father's Day get out the memory book and honor your Dad with the gift of remembrance of a happy childhood memory. He will appreciate it. I know Pops will.

Holes. Not The Sigourney Weaver Movie, The Ones In The Sidewalk Of Life 20

Holes. Not The Sigourney Weaver Movie, The Ones In The Sidewalk Of Life.

Portia Nelson wrote "Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters" below.

Chapter I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost, I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

End.

I fell into the hole. I saw it and fell in anyway. Damn it. I guess I am on Chapter 2. You would think that at the tender age of 55 I would have already advanced to Chapter 3 but this isn't a race. It is about the journey and we all know that we don't really operate at our own pace anyway. The big guy upstairs has that control. So it is in my life's plan that I am coming out of my Chapter 2 hole, finally. I was in there a very long time and coming out of this hole has been a slow process, which I now understand is the way it has to be.

I just finished a book called "Transitions... Making Sense of Life Changes" by William Bridges. I swear he wrote this book for me. I have had this book for a long time, picked it up for fifteen cents at the library book sale years ago. (It was my first book sale and I bought over 100 books.) This book has lasted through the paring-down of my personal library (I realized I could never read all those books and I donated most of them back to the public library). Despite the fact that I wasn't inspired to read it, it kept getting in my way. It would appear on this table or that shuffled about but not read. Finally one day I picked it up and started to read it. Made it through the first pages and it was ok, but it didn't speak to me. For the next six months, it sat next to me on my end table. I would move it occasionally to dust and put it right back. I don't know what prompted me to pick it up a week ago unless it was the pure hopelessness I was feeling, looking for comfort and answers from somewhere. But here ya go, somehow I picked it up, began to read, and as I did a light came on. No choir of angels but definitely a light. HOLY CRAP. This is what's happening to me. This guy KNOWS. So there you have it. There are no coincidences, the Universe wanted me to read this book and now I know why.

Holes are the way forward. Gotta go down to go up. They say "two steps forward one step back" so I ask, is the one step back down into your hole? Portia doesn't mention falling backward into your hole so I am just going to assume you can because it fits with the two steps forward metaphor. Anyway, for my purposes today it doesn't really matter how many steps forward or back that you take, what matters is what you do when you fall into the "hole".

As I mentioned, I believe I am on Chapter 2 in Portia's "Autobiography" above. I am just coming out of the deepest hole of my life so far. I swear I could smell Chinese food in that hole. Tells you how deep it was. Horrible place, hated going there. Nothingness. Nowhere. Nada. A place where you can't function properly. Emotions are all fractured. You can't think. You can't connect with yourself or others. Life is hopeless and I am lost like the tv show.

What I learned from Mr. Bridge's book is that the way out of the hole is to "Let It Be." Sir Paul McCartney knew something when he wrote this song. He got it. He knew what to do and how to get out. I thought I had it too until I experienced this hole and realized I wasn't quite as evolved as I thought. You lose your reasoning in the hole. I got it now Sir Paul. Just "Let it Be" people. You have to go back to nothing to become something again. Go "Down in the Hole"(Alice in Chains) and "Let it Be"(The Beatles). Then one day you will be like the Phoenix rising out of the ashes. Reborn.

Read his book if you feel like you are in a hole. It may be the ladder that you have been stumbling around in the dark looking for. It was for me. Thank you William Bridges.

Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Mr. Bridges. I am just a girl who read a book and now wants to help other people in her situation get out alive.

I dedicate this post to my Adventuregirl buddy Kim. Like the book, you keep coming up, guess the Universe wants us to do something, come on you know you wanna.

From My Mother's Mouth To My Daughter's Ears "Fulfill Your Desire" 19

From My Mother's Mouth To My Daughter's Ears "Fulfill Your Desire"

The mother-daughter relationship is a slippery slope. Love them, hate them, love them, I can speak of my relationship with my mother only in the past tense. She passed in 1983 when I was 27 and had two babies to bring up, now without her. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Mom's advice to me before she died was this "Fulfill your Desire" that's basically what she said. She wasn't eloquent, she said do what you want to do in this life, don't look back with regret at not having done that which you desire. I wasn't able to fulfill this until now. I've lived my life but was busy trying to keep my head above water with those two kids to raise and all. Now is my time. I know this in my heart of hearts. I will not leave this life without doing this, for myself and for my Mom. I AM FULFILLING MY DESIRE.

There are several parts to my desire, it isn't just one thing. I wanted to do something important with my life, outside of the whole raising kids and family stuff. I had no idea what that "itch and burn" in my soul was until this year. Then I realized I want to be a writer. I had no freaking idea this was my desire until I stumbled into it. Well, we all know there are no coincidences so "stumbled into it" should be "when God helped me to realize it." I love writing. I am doing something important that exists outside of my maternal responsibilities. Something just for me. My Desire. Part 1.

And now I pass on this advice to you my daughter, because part of my Desire is for you to "Fulfill Your Desire." My Desire. Part 2. I know that it's hard raising three kids by yourself but you are doing the best job you possibly can and I am so proud of you. So is she. You may not know what it is yet, this Desire, just like I didn't until now. It's there, though, and will present itself when the time is right.

I miss my Mom every single day but I know that her spirit lives on in me, my kids, and my grandkids. I know she is smiling down on me now because I got it. Yes Mom, I really got it. Thank you and I love you.

A special note to my son Jesse. I know this post talks about your sister and doesn't mention you. Everything that I am saying to Jocelyn applies to you. It's just that this is a Mother's Day article and she is a Mother! I love you both, equally and want the same for you both. Equally.

Namaste Mothers everywhere. And we all know that every day really is Mother's Day.




Mom and Dad Wedding Day 1955

This is dedicated to my mom, Marion. And to my Aunt Claire who took over over being my "Muv" after Mom passed. Thank you. And to my Aunt Cheryl for her support of my work. You Rock!

What We Can Learn From Adam Yauch And Junior Seau 18

What We Can Learn From Adam Yauch And Junior Seau

This is not a humorous post. The passing of spirit from one life to another is a serious topic. I didn't know either of these gentlemen and I never will because last week they both passed. One by his own hand, the other by disease. My condolences and blessings to their families.

Adam Yauch had no choice in his departure. His human body was terminally ill, which is God's way of ending this part of our journey. God called him home.

Junior Seau felt he had no choice in his departure. His spirit was terminally ill and Junior chose not to continue his journey. God allowed him to come home.

Despite the words to the "Mash" theme song, suicide is not painless. It causes the ones left behind to swirl in their own version of Hell, why didn't he tell me he was unhappy I could have fixed it for him, how could he do that, we are left with questions. No answers are coming, we must be satisfied knowing that this is what they felt they had to do. You must also remember that God allowed this to happen.

I know something about this subject. My grandfather decided to end his life, as did my beloved Brian's father, and very recently his good friend. Several years ago my good friend also ended his life and I was shocked. Never saw it coming. Most of the time you won't because most people do not announce their pain. They try to deal with it themselves. And then one day they just give up.

The bottom line folks is be kind to everyone you meet. You do not know what they are dealing with. 

Plato said it best:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
 
Greek author & philosopher in Athens (427 BC - 347 BC)

Namaste.

Look Out, Not Down 17

Look Out, Not Down

What is your posture right now, at this minute? Are you sitting straight up in your chair, head held high looking out onto your computer screen?

Or are you slumped over, shoulders slouched with your head tilted down, eyes tilted up?

Be honest, there's no prize for the correct answer. You can't move forward if you don't know where you are right now.

In order to illustrate my point, look at your posture when you drive. If you sit slumped over the wheel looking down at the pavement chances are very good that you will crash, you can't see what is up ahead. When you drive, as when you live, you must look out, not down. Back straight, shoulders back, head and chin held high. Hard NOT to "look out" if you physically put yourself into this position. Same with your outlook on life. Focus completely on where you are right now and you have no idea where you are heading. If you look out you can see where you are now as well as where you are going, much better for you and the car!

Don't look down, look out toward your destination.

Namaste.

Donald Trump No Bullshit 16

Donald Trump No Bullshit

Donald J. Trump is my "inner-entrepreneur" as well as my "inner truth-teller". While most of my inner selves are fictional, based mainly on television characters, there are a few real folks who inspire me. Mr. Trump is one of those. He is a look-you-in-the-eye-and-tell-you-the-truth-kind of guy.  I admire that especially in this society of excuse givers and it's somebody else's fault-ers. You did it, you own it. You didn't do it, you own that too.

Most of the time I can go into myself and figure out an inner conflict. There are times though, that I can't seem to pull it all together enough to even get started. I have that "nagging feeling" or am out of sorts and a simple trip to Selfville isn't accomplishing my goal. That's when I go to the "Boardroom" or as I now call it the "Brainroom". 

I have found that by conducting a meeting with "myselves" and treating my unease like a work project, I can identify the problem and come to a solution, or at least move in the right direction. I use a whiteboard or poster paper, as opposed to typing on the 'puter. Just my preference. Let's get started.....

It's simple really.

1. Make the decision to go "inside" yourself in a big way.

2. Allow all of your facets a voice. This is not a time to block impressions even if they are negative. You have to have all information so you can analyze it later, if necessary.

3. Set a time limit, say one hour of uninterrupted space where you can just allow your mind to communicate.

4. Again write down every thought, every impression, free-writing........ no self-editing!

5. Stop when your time is up, or for me, I know I am done for now when either or both of these things happen.........I begin to go back and "edit" my comments and/or I feel a sense of relief. Just getting things out, identifying, sometimes creates a sense of relief or accomplishment.

6. Put your notes away. I can't tell you when to go back to them, you will know when you are ready to move forward and address your issues. This exercise just gives you a starting point for self-discovery.

There is one thing that I know I will not hear when I end this process. "You're Fired" is not an option. "You're Healed" is what I am looking for. And I will get to that eventually. It just takes time and patience. The very act of opening the dialog to your inner selves is a huge accomplishment. Putting your feelings into written words will allow you the opportunity to see where you are, where you are going, and if necessary, change direction.

Some folks journal, I call a meeting. After all, I'm not telling "The Donald" that I can't figure this out. Trumps don't quit and neither do I. Namaste.



You Can Call Me Ray Or You Can Call Me J, Don't Ever Call Me Grandma 15

You Can Call Me Ray Or You Can Call Me J, Don't Ever Call Me Grandma

I'm not sensitive about my age. BAHAAHAHA. Ok, I've gotten better about it. At least better than I was back in 2000 when my daughter blessed me with her first child (there are three now). My granddaughter Danielle was born when I was the tender age of 44. Hey, that's young to have grandkids. Some folks are just having their first child, like my friend Susie Smith. Anyway, there are advantages and disadvantages to having grandkids when you are still youthful, as I am.

Advantage - When we are all together somewhere people think I am the Mom and my daughter is MY sister. This burns my daughter's ass. It's bad for her when people mistake us for sisters, "Mother it is NOT funny, I do not look like a 55-year-old-woman anymore than you look 30" Really? Big Advantage, I love to jerk my daughter's chain.

Disadvantage - Being called grandmother. Or g-ma or granny or any other "play" on the words grand and mother. Superman has kryptonite, I have the G-Word. My grandkids were instructed from birth to call me "NAYNAY." I do not answer to the G-Word. They know this but they are getting older, pushing their boundaries, and realize this is my Achilles heel. Now they think it is funny to refer to me using that name. Don't poke the bear with a stick, kids.

Huge Advantage - I am growing up with my grandkids. I am still young enough to have the energy to keep up with them. Well, to try anyway. I now have the time, and a little bit more patience and wisdom, to learn and teach at the same time. My happiest moments with them are when we share our life experiences.

There are no real disadvantages to having grandkids. They are a wonderful gift from God and I am blessed to have them. I am as young or old as I choose to be and a name isn't going to change who I am. I just hate THAT name. NayNay fits me just fine.



Jocelyn my baby, with Dani, Kylie, and Tyler, her babies.

Meet More Characters Running My Life 14

Meet More Characters Running My Life

I have named my "inner-selves". I named them after mostly make-believe characters who share their qualities. Doing this has helped me open the lines of communication with those facets of my personality, and identify which impressions I allow to become thoughts. For example, impressions coming from Dennis the Menace are met with a high degree of skepticism, as I know this is my inner brat looking for something to get into, and not in a good way. Same with Mrs. Costanza, my inner kvetcher. I know there is guilt and regret ahead so I prepare myself for it.  You can check out my April 14th post for more insight into these two characters. Today I have two more for you.

Say hello to Tony Soprano and Arnold Horshack.

Arnold is an attention hog, he loves acting and dreams that someday he will "arrive". Arnold is my inner performer. I've been a ham since my 6th-grade teacher, Mrs. King, asked me to lead our class at the graduation ceremony. No, not in song, BAHAHAHAHA, I couldn't hold a tune if you superglued it to me. No folks, I was the conductor, with a baton. Stood up in front of the whole Linthicum Heights Elementary School and conducted my little heart out. I'll always remember looking out over the sea of faces, my school chums, all watching ME intently. Very cool. And the clapping. Oh, the clapping. I can still hear it. That was the day Arnold was born. Now, every time Arnold thinks he may have an audience we flip into "entertain" mode. Sometimes it's a good thing, like now while I am writing. Most times not-so-much, because Wal-Mart is not Nutt Street Comedy Club (in Wilmington, NC). It's most disruptive when Arnold wants to do a stand-up schtick for Amy the cashier who's checking us out at Wal-Mart. I know she looks like she could use some cheering up but not now, ok? In any case, Arnold is an acquired taste and needs to be under tight control. Someday I would like to do stand-up to give Arnold his stage, but I have to convince the "others" to go along, Scarlet O'Hara is resisting a bit, but we are working on it. Hey, Nutt Street start me a tab, willya?

Tony Soprano is my inner tough guy. He's the one you will run into if you piss me off. Tony fancies himself a protector of sorts unfortunately, his style is not always appropriate for the situation. Let's just say he's a little heavy-handed at times. He tends to be sensitive to any perceived "slight" and is always ready to defend our honor. Cut us off in traffic......... Tony will look over at you, and through gritted teeth mutter "How ya doin" while he's thinking about how he will remove your entrails if you do that again. Tony and I count to ten frequently. Real frequently. I had a very quick temper and sharp tongue until I heard this quote long ago, "We are all just squirrels trying to get a nut", and realized we are all the same. Everybody is in the same boat, although I admit some have bigger boats. Still, that doesn't mean they don't struggle with the same issues as you and me. Live and let live is what I say now. Don't take every little slight personally. Chances are the other person doesn't even realize they did anything to slight you, they're just nut-hunting.

Good, happy, and productive thoughts get a ringside seat at my live show called Life, while negative or destructive thoughts are promptly shown the back door. It's my decision who goes where. Sometimes I don't want input from anybody. The trick is learning how to "Shut It Down" like Gordon Ramsay. For me it's akin to the Facebook chat function, off-line means I am not entertaining new thoughts right now, on-line I am receptive to receive new positive impressions. This is hard to do, as your inner selves do not like being controlled. When I am in conflict with myself, having difficulty managing my inner family, I go outside take a deep breath and walk. Getting back to nature, being one with Universe, helps me to put things in perspective and decide what I want to think.

After all, I am the boss of me. Namaste.

Not So Comfortably Numb Or Antidepressants : Friend or Foe 13

Not So Comfortably Numb Or Antidepressants: Friend or Foe

I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. My comments are strictly based on my own experience and in no way am I advising anyone to do anything but think about what I am saying. That's all, just mull it over.

I am just a poor schlub trying to get through life like everybody else. 12 years ago I was "sad" from a break-up and the doctor diagnosed me with Depression. He wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant, patted me on the head and told me I would be fine. Well, after 12 years of being on Paxil I decided, with no input from a medical professional, that I need to stop taking it. I need to take my life and my feelings back. Thanks to Dr. Wayne Dyer, Joel Osteen and others I realized that I needed to heal myself, that there is something inside of me that is out of balance and I need to deal with it and move on. Paxil can't heal my broken spirit, only I can do that and in order to move forward into the life I am supposed to be living I need to pop the hood and find out what is wrong with my engine.

Paxil kept my inner self at bay, supressed those feelings that you are supposed to feel. I knew they were there but it was like having the sound turned off on my tv. Not so comfortably numb is the way I have been living my life for the past 12 years. What I didn't realize when I started taking an anti-depressant it is that those "feelings" good and bad, are there to help guide me. They are the compass on my road through life. Bad feeling means pull over and make sure you are on the right road. Good feeling means keep going in this direction. For me, anyway.

Today I am Paxil-free. I did research and my daughter consulted with someone who knows of pharmaceuticals. He was able to make recommendations for my transition from drugged to Paxil-free. The withdrawal is akin to visiting Satan at the gates of Hell but I am getting through it. One day at a time.

I am creative again. I didn't realize it until today but I started writing my blog on March 31st, a few weeks after I started Paxil withdrawal. I can feel and "hear" my inner self now. Not crazy-voices-in-my-head but my intuitive self is switched back on.

Now I am not delusional. I know I will have bad days, but I think I am ready for them. Remembering that feeling bad = out of balance, I know what I have to do now.

Please look into yourself for healing. You may find that you have everything you need to keep yourself in balance. I'm pretty sure God doesn't take anti-depressants. 

Namaste.