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Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Sometimes it's hard to believe
That we've gotten this far.
What with the liars and thieves,
Philanderers and cheaters,
Those in power abusing those
They have power over.
Accusations are now accepted as truths,
Word against word.
Who's right?
Our government is a joke,
More "what can I do for myself,"
Instead of "how can I help you?"
Is it like this everywhere or
Just in the land of opportunity?

Scaredy Cat

Scaredy Cat

Has it hit you in the gut yet?
You know, that feeling you get
In the pit of your stomach
When you think
Of something scary,
Like your own ending?
Five or ten years,
No big deal
When I was just a kitten.
Now, five or ten years, wow,
Not sure I have them.
Dropping like flies,
Too many already gone.
How can I stop this,
This time whizzing by?
Slow down please,
Let me catch up.

Reality Just Spit In My Eye

Reality Just Spit In My Eye

I've recently realized how out of touch with reality I have been in my life. "I'll never look old like that" or my favorite "I'll never let myself get fat like that" are coming back and spitting right in my eye. Delusional me felt that I would age, but just a little. I would still retain my good skin and hair. And I will always be skinny.

Um, no.

Dear Delusional Me,

OK, sit down, I am going to tell you the truth.

You are a sack of bones and skin that will eventually rot from the inside out.

You were born and you will die and between the two you will have some fun and spend lots of time not having fun.

You can't change the realities but you can change the way you live with them. It's all in your attitude. Let's get on the right track, the track that will lead you to the joy and happiness you have sought these 60 some years.

Go.

Right Here, Right Now

Right Here, Right Now

This is your reality.
Not yesterday,
Not tomorrow,
Here and now.
So hard to keep your focus
When the world swirls
Around and around.
Close your eyes,
Take a deep breath,
Remember to be
In the now.

Go In

Go In

Looking for guidance?
Go in.
Clear your human mind
And listen
To the voice within.
That's who you should listen to,
Not the never satisfied ego.
Remember- we are a spiritual being
Having a human experience.
Shouldn't you listen to the one 
Who knows?

March

March

Running away doesn't solve anything,
Makes matters worse sometimes.
If you're not happy here,
You won't be happy there.
You take you with you.
Stand up straight and tall,
Shoulders back.
Now march straight into it.
Feel better?

Where Are My Keys?

Where Are My Keys?

It's happening to me,
Something that I thought
Would happen to everyone else,
Not me.
Getting older,
Losing my edge.
Wait, I don't feel older
In my mind.
But my hand is my mother's,
My waistline out of control.
Oh shit,
Where are my keys?

Where's My Do-Over

Where's My Do-Over?

I wish I had a dollar
For every time I promised to change.
New year, old year, the result is the same.
Good intentions don't mean a thing
If you aren't gonna take the road not traveled.
You will just stay stupid
Waiting for the day that
You can live out your desires,
Be that person you always wanted to be.
Don't you know it's too late?
You missed the boat.
Didn't heed the call.
Now angry at life for not telling you this is it.
Can't go back and make it right.
Where's my do-over?

"Dear Dani" 12/21/17



Dear Dani: (my beautiful, smart, funny first grandchild)

There are a few things you need to know about life, it's not how you think it is. Right now you may think that you are ready to be an adult, trust me you are not. Read this and we can talk about it.

On boys: Do NOT have sex until you are old enough to handle the responsibilities of birth control and falling in love. Boys your age, most boys your age, only care about one thing, SEX. They do not love you and their balls will not explode if you don't "do it" with him. It is your job to be responsible and say no. Choose wisely, the cutest is not always the best bet. Choose men and friends that treat you well. And have the courage to end relationships that no longer work in your life.


On employment: Decide what you want to be when you grow up. It seems silly to have to decide something that is so important to the rest of your life when you are so young and inexperienced, but this is how it works. Go to school to learn a specific trade, don't just go to school to be in school, with no plan for the future. If you feel strongly about what you would like to do, do it. Don't be talked out of it, even if everybody says you can't be a lion tamer, if that is what you want to do, so be it.

On money: Don't spend more than you make. And get a job with a 401K retirement plan.

On friends: You will meet many people in your lifetime. Some of them will be friends for a lifetime and some of them will be friends for a small portion of your life. Like boys, you have to be careful who you let into your life. Friends are people you trust with your secrets, they can cause great damage if you trust the wrong person with a secret and they turn out to be a bad choice. Do not tell anyone anything that you would not want to be public.

On having children: Raising children is not fun all of the time. That little bundle of baby joy is a lot of work. Just know that.

 

On pets: See "On having children," applies here.

On cars and other stuff: A car is not a status symbol. It is a bucket of bolts that takes you from point a to point b. Get a car that is economical, even if it is not "cool." Don't overpay for things that you want. Do some research and find the lowest price before you buy.

On your body: Always wear sunscreen, the highest SPF as possible. Your skin is so fragile and such an important part of our bodies. Today's tan is tomorrow's wrinkles and skin cancer.
If you want a tattoo remember, like Herpes, a tattoo is forever. Think about how that tattoo will look when you are 80.
Never go to bed with makeup on. I don't care how tired you are, always wash your face before bed. Your skin will thank you for it. Don't mess with your haircolor. And speaking of hair, make sure you do deep conditioning at least weekly.
Take good care of your teeth. Brush twice daily. And floss once a day. Here's a tip....I used to keep floss sticks in my car and I would floss while driving. Really.
Keep up with your doctor and dentist. Visit each once a year.
 

Eat healthy most of the time. Limit fried food. And sweets. And soda.
Look at labels when you shop for food. Check the calories, carbs, and sugar.
Wash your face twice daily and use retinol before bed. Do masks as needed.

On make-up.....Less is more.

On Plan A: Follow your dreams, just remember that not all of your dreams will come true. So have a Plan B just in case you don't get what you want. And you may be mad about not getting what you want, that's okay, someday you will look back and see how this decision benefited you in the long run. Speaking of long run, when you are making a decision, consider how it will affect your life both short and long term.

On alcohol and drugs: Alcohol makes you act really stupid. And a hangover is the devils' revenge. Marijuana is okay in my book, as long as you are responsible while under the influence. You shouldn't drive while high and you shouldn't make important decisions while under the influence. Don't ever smoke weed that you are not familiar with, i.e., you are at a concert and someone is passing a joint. Not a good idea for you to take a toke when you don't know where it came from. Same with alcohol. And if you go to a bar, never take your eyes off of your drink. It should be in your hand 100% of the time.



On religion and politics: Keep an open mind about both. And never talk politics or religion with a group of people. Fastest way to get a fight started.

Be open-minded: There are three schools of thought: the positive, the negative, and no opinion. Don't make decisions until you have looked at all sides.

The next time you are tempted to be rude to someone because they were "terse" with you, remember that you don't know what is going on in their life. They may be having a bad day...had a fight with spouse, got their period today...you get my meaning here. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and at the end of the transaction I say, "Thank you (insert name here) for helping me and I hope you have a blessed day." Most folks are very appreciative that you noticed them and they usually soften right up.



Do ask someone to repeat what they said if you don't understand the first time. You would be amazed how many people, myself included, just nod and smile and say ok when we have no idea what was said. I have nodded, smiled, and said okay more than a few times, and doing this has cost me some very embarrassing moments that I will not share here. Trust me, just ask for clarification.

Follow your instincts.

Don't try to be perfect. No one is. Not even me. But when I was your age, I thought I was.

Never put your purse on the floor in the ladies' room. Major nasty germs. Ew.

Never put your fingers in your mouth. And biting your nails is oh so gross. Always wash your hands before you eat and after using the restroom.

Trust is earned.

I

If you ever wonder why you are here, what your purpose in life is, I would be happy to have that conversation with you. Whenever you are ready.

My mother, your great-grandmother, told me something before she died. She said 'don't have regrets, do what you want to do."
I am passing this on to you to do as you see fit.

Remember, when it comes to your life, there is only one person you have to please and that is yourself.

Ann Wilson Made Me Cry

Ann Wilson Made Me Cry

Picture this: Carolina Beach, N.C.; March 2017; a young girl trapped inside an old broads body; Saturday night.

A tear slid down my cheek as I watched a video of Heart playing with the London Philharmonic. We all came up together; me and Ann and Nancy.

The girls were playing music and I was living with my future divorce. At least he loved Heart almost as much as me. I met him at a bar. I know. Well, he wasn't a pick-up, he was a friend of my friend's girlfriend. Anyway, we got our first apartment and a super expensive stereo system. He hooked it up, turned it on, and "Crazy on You" came blaring out of the speakers, pictures on the wall-shaking, mind you. At that moment I am both delighted and horrified: OMG that sounds awesome coming out of the speakers that we will never pay off and "Oh Shit, we have neighbors." I made him turn it down.

Heart.

Back to 2017. So why am I crying? Ann Wilson was in town. And I didn't go to see her.

Ann and Nancy have always inspired me. Cool rock chicks still getting it. Music that is ageless, voices that sound as great today as they did in 1976.

OK, now why was I crying? I was feeling sorry for myself when I started this tale whilst watching the girls belt it out. Then it hit me......I can do anything. That's what I used to tell myself back then, in the olden days. When I felt unsure or was doing some self-flagellation, I would throw on Heart and work it out.

I don't know why I stopped going to Heart, Ann and Nancy helped me navigate through the first part of my life. Come on girls, we have some catching up to do.

I can do anything.

Next time Ann comes to town I will be there. Hopefully in the front row (well it could happen). After all, I can do anything.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Can't We All Get Along?

Do you realize
That if you spent
As much time loving
And helping each other
There would be no room to hate?
Do you realize that hate poisons
Your soul? Hate hurts no one
But the hater. And that's you.
Yes you.
Clean up your act and live the
Way we were meant to,
In kindness and love for each other.
Change your thinking right now.
Be a better person.
You aren't going to be here forever.
Do it now while you can.

It's Hard to Love with a Heart Full of Hate

It's Hard to Love with a Heart Full of Hate

I felt it appropriate to spend my 60th New Years' Eve reflecting on the last 60 years and what I have learned. Ready?

You can't "find" your life-long partner, they just appear.

Boys are only interested in sex.

Yes, you will get old.

You need to live a healthy life right out of the gate. Parents are responsible for your health and well-being for the first 16 or so years, after that it's on you not to poison your body or mind.

There is no "Heaven" or "Hell", there is only "There." We are not meant to know where "There" is, so I will just have faith that it exists and my soul will go somewhere nice.

We chose this life for a reason; we spend our lives searching for it.

Keep family records, pictures etc. to pass along to the next generation. Start your family tree today so your descendants will know where they came from in this life.

Your body dies, your soul is released to go to its next assignment.

There are no coincidences.

And.....it's hard to love with a heart full of hate.

Namaste

Dumb Human

Dumb Human

We can't get ahead because we can't get out of our own way. It isn't that difficult people, it's just life!

Sometimes I hate being a dumb human. Really.

I can imagine a whole other dimension of those that have gone before us watching our progress. You know they've got to be shaking their heads.

Here's one for the universe:
There are people who claim that thoughts will become things.
I have some weird-ass thoughts occasionally.
How then can the universe differentiate what is a thought that could be manifested, say like that great new life where I am rich and famous, from that thought that the something who lives under my bed is ready to grab my feet if they aren't under the covers?
Huh?

Why Are You Still Looking For Your Life's Purpose?

Why Are You Still Looking For Your Life's Purpose?

My daughter and kids (Dani 16, Tyler 15 and Kylie 11) recently moved away from the only town they have known as home for the last 10 years, in Wilmington NC. My daughter got a great job in Charleston SC, about 3-1/2 hours south. Off they went.

In life, you must always consider the consequences.

Following is the conversation I had with my 16-year-old granddaughter this evening. She was the most enthusiastic about moving, but once it was a fait accompli, well, life happened.

Me: It's NayNay, how are you?

Dani: Adjusting

Me: Adjusting means you are not happy.

Dani: It's just hard to move into a school year junior year and know no one. Mom doesn't quite understand that. I definitely miss home a lot.

Me: It doesn't seem like such a big deal until you realize that that part of your life is over. And then you get scared.

Dani: Yeah, it's slowly hitting me, and all my friends at home doing fun things, I'm here doing nothing, knowing no one.

Me: One thing I can tell you that helps me when I get where you are now is that you are where you are supposed to be for now until it changes again.

Dani: That's true, I know it'll get better.

Me: Never get too attached to anything because life changes every minute. Enjoy where you are now. That's all you have. You will meet new people and start a different life. It's hard but you do this over and over again for the rest of your life. Every so often life changes, my every so often is 10 years. Love you. Always here if you want to talk.

Dani: I know, thank you. Love you too.

So why am I still trying to find my life purpose?

DUH!

Nobody Tells "The Secret"

Nobody Tells "The Secret"

Letting go again and again. Don't get too attached, you'll only have to let it go.....doesn't matter what it is, everything goes.......your health, your looks, your pets, your friends, that great job...on and on.

So why don't they teach that in school? Why doesn't anybody tell you that everything is temporary? I may have been better prepared for this temporary life had someone told me it is only for a time, awhile.....not forever. No one mentioned that I am not one.......I am the soul, the spirit, in this human life, for this small amount of time.

But nobody told me. Nobody told me anything really, about life. I think we don't want to think about our temporary state of being a mortal, a human being. After all, we are that spiritual being having a human experience.

It would make life easier if we knew "The Secret" to our existence way before we reach 60ish. All that time I wasted, trying to hold onto that which cannot be contained. Nothing is permanent, everything is temporary, this is how we should live.

So why isn't anybody talking about it?

Who Said Writing Is Easy?

Who Said Writing Is Easy?

Writing is not easy for me. Gasp. Really. For me, it is a suffering like no other. Doesn't matter what it is, either. An interview, article, Tweet or Facebook post, writing causes me agita.

I have a friend who is in her 70's and just finished writing another book. ANOTHER book, I can't even squeeze out one.

Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I haven't figured out how to unlock the magic door to self expression. Does every other writer out there have to be in the mood to write?

Writing is a love/hate relationship for me. I love writing once I get an idea, usually. If I am forced to write, like when my deadline is here and I still don't have an idea, it's a coin toss. Maybe crap, may be great, who knows? We'll have to wait and see if the mood strikes me.

What I hate most is when I think that something I have written is epic. Then I re-read it and it is not.

I think I'll go mop the kitchen floor. At least I can see the progress I made doing that!

Suicide Isn't Painless

Suicide Isn't Painless

My grandfather, Dad's dad who emigrated from Hungary, ended his life on his terms. I was so young, only five when this happened. I do not remember him, only the day he died, because it was the first time I saw my Dad cry.

Suicide isn't painless, it hurts those who are left dealing with the human emotion of grief, while the deceased enter into the next stage of their spiritual journey. At peace in their existence while we suffer speculating on the why, rather than accepting that this is what the human and spiritual being agreed upon it's time to go. If you believe that we enter into this human life as a willing spiritual partner, prepared to take on the challenge of "being human" then you would have to agree.

My challenge in life has been getting over myself and rising up to be the person I know I can be. Sounds weird, but we all do it. Getting over yourself. The lower part of you, the human emotions who make it difficult to be an evolved being, trying to block us from being our true self.

It isn't given freely, this gift of connecting to your true self, it is meant to be a journey of discovery and overcoming being human with emotions that keep us rooted in the egoic self.

We are two beings...the human and the soul. Each has their own agenda, which is why our lives are so hard. It is up to us to bring these two pieces of ourselves together into this one being so that we can work on achieving our individual goals.

And what does this have to do with suicide? Everything. Before you decide to end your journey, make sure you have consulted your partner in this venture, the other half of yourself.

Tossin' And Turnin'. Not The Song. What I Did In Bed Last Night.

Tossin' And Turnin'. Not The Song. What I Did In Bed Last Night.

You know how you feel when you have the flu? So tired you just want to die; achy like you actually exercised only you didn't so there's no reason to be achy and that dull headache that doesn't go away. Pretty much how I feel most of the time. Especially the "tiredsees" the one where you are exhausted but can't sleep.

This is a relatively new situation for me, as I was a sleeper until the last few years. In fact, when I was younger, my Dad called me mattress back. Nowadays I'm lucky to get 5 or 6 good hours. This from the girl who won an award for sleeping the most. Yes, I have some mild sleep apnea but that isn't causing this, my diseases are the culprits here. Stupid highly sensitive nervous system.

Go to bed 11ish, roll around on the bed until 3ish. I even had company several times through the night as Bob the cat wanted to hang out and get some mommy love. Now Bob, really? I finally gave up and got out of bed. 3:30 a.m. Okay, so what do I do? I color my hair, of course. Put a layer of chrome with a little purple tinge and have to let it sit for one hour. No problem, I'm awake and can go water my outside plants, no rain forecast for at least a week, have to keep them hydrated. 20 minutes is all it took to water the flowers. The stuff on my hair has to stay on for one hour and I only killed 20 minutes. 40 to go. And guess what, I am getting tired. GREAT.

I decide to write, hey that'll wake me up, right? Wrong. I am trying to keep my head off the keyboard, I don't want to get hair dye all over it. 10 minutes passed, only 30 minutes now. Shit, 30 minutes. I am so tired I can't keep my eyes open. I am writing this with my eyes closed and my head hanging dangerously close to the keyboard. WAKE UP!!!!! This sucks.

I can't sit here, I have to move. I could go out into my studio and paint, nah, too tired, not in the mood. Still too dark out to do any real yard work. 4 more minutes pass, 26 left.

Re-dunk-uless the #Kardashian's would say. I like those folks. Maybe I should watch tv. Nah, nothing good on at 4:38 a.m., 22.

I am now having these stupid waves of exhaustion, similar to waves of nausea. I'm ok, no I'm not. I'm ok, no I'm not. SHIIIIITTTT. Stop this madness. Just shampoo the color out now and let's go to bed. No, it's not done yet. You have to wait the full 60 minutes because your hair is white and of course. Argghhhhh.

Remember the Charlie Brown cartoon where Lucy is holding the football and Charlie Brown is going to kick it. He says Argggggghhhh. That's how I feel. Who pulled the football out from under me. I'm ok, no I'm not.

How about a big glass of water to keep you awake. WTF stupid, how is water going to wake me up. It doesn't have anything in it, it's water! Just go get it.

OK, I'm back with my water and still have 16 minutes left. Cadee the cat is awake too and now she is following me around the house meowing. I guess she figures it's breakfast time. No Cadee. Go away. Either go to bed or go out and catch a lizard to play with.

This wave is almost over and I am becoming very close to clear-headed for a few minutes. I am sure you can tell what I wrote when I was sleep writing. Or maybe you can't. Uh-oh, does that mean my writing is so bad that the only people who read it are other sleep writers? Great. How many other sleep writers are there anyway? Maybe a lot, maybe that's a good thing. At least I know my market.

Coming up on 4:50, ten minutes to go. Still feeling ok for the moment. I know there's going to be another wave of exhaustion soon. That's just how this shit works.

4:55. With 5 minutes to go I can feel the exhaustion creeping in. I have to get this stuff off my hair and I am going to fall asleep in the shower. Not like I haven't done it before, I used to do it all the time when I was a teenager. I would lay in the tub with the shower running and sleep. Hey, it kept my parents off my back for a few precious moments of sleep. They used to wake me up at 8 a.m. to do my Saturday chores. So I would take a "shower nap". Made the mistake of telling my father I did this a few years ago. Big mistake. I will never hear the end of it.

One minute to go and I am leaving you for a few while I rinse my head. Hope I see you when I get back.

5:10, shower accomplished. I did get tired and this time a lovely wave of nausea joined in. Lucky me. Yup, this wave of exhaustion is staying with me. Now I can sleep though, right?

Can you? Or are you going to find a 24 hour Walmart?

First Crush - Sometimes You Can Go Home Again

First Crush - Sometimes You Can Go Home Again

I remember it well, that feeling I would get on Thursday afternoon, knowing that in a few short hours I would see HIM. He was in a band and they played at a bar every Thursday night. And I thought he was the cutest guy I'd ever seen. He was older: 23 to my 17, which was a pretty wide gap at that age. He was ahead of me on the "life" scale having already graduated school and holding down both a job and the gig with the band. And I was still a virgin. I was sure he was not, especially since he "dated" a girl that also hung out with the band and she informed me one teary evening in the bathroom of the bar where they were playing that night, that he de-flowered then dumped her. (I later heard from him that this was not the truth, her "flower" was not intact when they "you knowed".)

He treated me like I was a little sis or something; we became friends and would go to breakfast after the band finished playing at 2 a.m., (back when I could stay up that late.) He took me to a Guess Who concert and once he came to my house to play tennis. Too bad I really didn't play. What's even worse is that years later, about 40 years, I found out that he KNEW I wasn't a tennis player. I was so sure I had fooled him.
When I was 18, I gave up on him and shortly after met the man I would marry, have two kids with then divorce when I was 27.

I saw him once during that time from 19-25, his band was playing near where we lived and my then-husband and I went to see them. We spoke, it was pleasant and I didn't hear from him again until several years ago when I found his band on Facebook.

I have thought about that first crush many times over the years; luckily more times than I have re-hashed the crappy first marriage. Wondered what would've happened now knowing it wasn't my path in life or his for that matter.

We are talking more now, catching up on the last forty years, discovering what we do and don't have in common, it's nice. Sometimes you can go home again.

Myrna Deas - Talking To God And Dead People

INTO THE MYSTIC:
Getting To Know Real-Life Psychic Medium, Myrna Deas

We are born with God-given gifts that are not always understood. When we think of Picasso, Bach, Nureyev, we recognize that something is different about them; they can do things beyond that of the normal person. We accept and celebrate their gifts and never question them, really, because we understand what they are doing: painting, composing and playing music, dancing. Gifts from God do not always follow the rules of being tangible, something we can touch, see or feel. Some people have gifts that take faith to acknowledge, but once accepted can change our outlook on life and death.

I thought I knew a lot about psychic mediums through those represented on television. Recently I had the privilege and life-changing experience of meeting Myrna Deas. Myrna is a psychic medium. She uses her gift to communicate with those passed over while using this channel to help us to heal. In my own experience, she was able to connect me with my long-deceased mother and deliver some vital medical information to me that has saved my life. I find comfort in knowing that my loved ones passed are somewhere, just not here, though never really far from us, as I learned from my time with Myrna. Open your heart and mind to accept new information and learn about this amazing gift.

Me: You were born in the Bronx; tell us about your early life and family.

Myrna Deas (MD): I was born on Christmas Day. I’ve always loved sharing my birthday with such an important holiday. My mom and dad always made sure I would feel remembered, and so the holiday season is always really special for me. I have a brother who is a year older than me and a sister who is 12 years younger. I grew up in a really “normal” family. My memories are of those typical early childhood experiences: going to the park, visiting Coney Island, being around family. My mother remembers things differently, though. She can tell you about my acute fear of heights, and of the dark. I never really liked having anyone around me when I was playing. In general, I suppose I was a stressed-out kid, but that felt “normal” to me.

Me: Your first experience occurred when you were just 3 years old; tell us about it.

MD: It was early evening, and I was in my room playing (by myself). My mother was calling for me so that I could take a bath. Suddenly I saw my great-grandmother standing in front of me. She was a person who scared me: She was really tall, she had big hands and longs arms, and I don’t recall her smiling very much. Also, she had this round mole on her chin, with hair growing out of it, so you can imagine how I felt about getting close to her! 
I remember standing very still and having this sensation of intense heat in my face. I don’t recall saying anything. And then she said, “Tell your dad I died.” I remember just standing there and blinking at her. Then she told me to give her a hug. When I didn’t move, she walked over to me, and patted me on the head, and said, “Don’t forget to tell your dad that I died.” Right then, my mom called me into the bathroom again. I remember looking back to see if Mom was coming to my bedroom, and then when I looked forward again, my great grandmother, Mama Flossie, was gone. When I went to join my mother in the bathroom, I very simply asked her, “What is died?” My mother, in her typically prosaic fashion, simply explained that died means you no longer breathe (which set off another phobia for me: worrying about my breathing ability!). When she asked why I wanted to know, I told her Mama Flossie had died. My mother told me that was not something to joke about—that we didn’t want to hurt my father’s feelings (Mama was my father’s grandmother). Just after my mother explained I was not to joke about such things, the phone rang. Someone told my dad Mama Flossie had, indeed, died. And that was my first experience with seeing people who have passed.

Me: From what I understand, not all mediums are the same. What are your gifts? For example, can you read people as a medical medium?

MD: It is true—not all mediums are the same. Each person’s particular calling has to do with their paths in life and the source of their information. I am not a medical medium. I can get some information about a person’s bodily issues, and I have some diagnostic ability, but medical readings are not my forte. My specific gifts are clairvoyance, or the ability to see people or situations I have not been exposed to; clairaudience, or the ability to hear people or situations I have not witnessed; psychometry, or the ability to feel energy in inanimate objects; precognition and retrocognition, which is the ability to see the future and past; dream interpretation; claircognition, which is the ability to know things I have no previous exposure to; and interpretation or discernment, the ability to see patterns and understand symbols occurring in one’s life. My work is in alignment. To be precise, my work is in "Life Path Alignment." This means I diagnose areas where one is “stuck” and cannot seem to move forward. Getting to the root of trauma, and everyone has trauma, is the key to understanding how one perceives their life experiences and how those experiences parlay into the choices one makes. For example, I worked with a young CPA recently, who is married with two children. She came to me with feelings of unspecified unhappiness and the belief she had never been happy—ever. As I worked with her, I found she had been “trained” to make smart choices in life. So she chose to marry someone who was acceptable to her family. She had children because her family wanted her to have kids. She became an accountant because her family felt that was an appropriate career path. For this young woman, making choices to make others happy resulted in her feeling like she was living her life for others. Hence, she was out of alignment. From there, we needed to work on practical solutions to help her begin healing from the need to please her family.

Me: When you are in a reading, what do you experience?

MD: Oooh—that’s a really good question! An hour or two before a reading, I feel agitated: jumpy, restless, overexcited. I meditate at this point, so I can calm down and prepare to meet with a client. Just before I meet with a client, I feel intense heat. The heat signals I’m ready to meet with my client. During a reading, I don’t feel a lot. I’m in a “trance” state, which is just another term for a daydream state. I feel “floaty” or dizzy. Frequently, I become really cold. I’m clairvoyant, which means I can see clearly. So I can see people who have passed over. And I’m clairaudient, which means I can hear them as well. Essentially, I am feeling the feelings and experiences of the person with whom I am communicating.

Me: Can you communicate with pets that have passed?

MD: I can communicate with animals. Again, it’s not my forte. There are very gifted practitioners who communicate with animals as part of their main practice. But animals frequently “pop up” in my readings. Animals are very important to us because they are very effective teachers of unconditional love and non-traditional family. Believe me, many clients are more emotional and interested in the fate of their fur-baby than in great-grandma.

Me: Do you receive messages when you are not “tuned in”?

MD: I do. Because spiritual counseling is my life’s work, I consider myself essentially “on call,” and so I remain open to the messages that come through. However, my approach and belief is that no one deserves to be ambushed with unrequested information. I believe those who are meant to receive messages through me will do so in the calm and respectful surroundings of a private setting. But if something does happen to come through, I ask why is this coming through and what am I supposed to do? And that approach has worked for me every time.

Me: What do you do to relax?

MD: This is absolutely the best question! Relaxation is difficult for me. I don’t really ever relax. I have horrible insomnia, and I can’t sit still for very long. This is because everything is energy, and energy is how information is received.
My favorite pastime is reading. I read a lot! Travel is a favorite pastime; there is nothing like experiencing a change of energy to revitalize me. And I like to entertain—putting together a party makes me very, very happy!

Me: Can you connect with anyone who has passed over? For example, I would love to speak with Dr. Wayne Dyer, who I never met in this life but have been a student of his teachings for over 40 years.

MD: Sure, I can reach anyone who is interested in reaching back. However, I don’t call just anyone into a reading—that would be a séance, which is problematic for me. I look for whoever wants to come through and speak. Those messages are the most healing and come with divine permission. Keep in mind, those of our loved ones who have passed over have the gift of higher perspective; you don’t have to look to Dr. Dyer for those messages. Most of those who have passed on have achieved a greater wisdom, and have the added benefit of knowing and loving you.

Me: Do those who pass over contact you to get in touch with their loved one(s) on this side?

MD: Typically, if someone on the other side wants to reach out to someone here, circumstances happen to bring us all together. Remember, there are no such things as coincidences! When I first began allowing myself to receive messages, I had a series of dreams about a bracelet. Months later, I found the bracelet while on a weekend away. Months after that, I randomly met the person who was meant to receive the bracelet. I’ve learned the key is to not overthink things but to have faith everything is meant to work out in its own way.

Me: Do you have a mentor?

MD: Sure, I have a mentor! I mentor directly with God—or the Holy Spirit. When I first began to openly acknowledge my gifts, I asked everyone who was psychic to mentor me. It was like some really bad movie from the 1930s. I was begging everybody for help. Every person whom I spoke with said my gifts were so strong and blessed that there was no mentoring they could offer me. Far from an ego boost, I felt lost and abandoned for a really long time. Then a really wise woman told me to go directly to the source of my gift. And that advice has worked for me ever since.

Me: Have you ever heard of someone losing their gift?

MD: Yes—not as in the gift just suddenly evaporating but as in the person stepping off his or her path, or losing alignment and the gift stops responding. For example, Whitney Houston had a world-class voice, definitely a strong gift from the divine. But due to the unfortunate circumstances of her life, she stepped off the path of singing and into the difficulties of substance abuse. It was through her substance abuse that she lost her voice. You may remember shortly before her death she was attempting a comeback, and she simply could no longer sing. This is really the same concept. Your gifts are meant to be used in a particular way. You risk your gift when you choose to adopt a different path in life.

Me: The way I understand it, we all have a level of psychic ability. People like you are very tuned in and have a strong ability. Is there anything that the average person can do to increase their psychic energy?

MD: Everyone is psychic! This is so true! There are two things everyone can do to strengthen their abilities:
1. Admit you have the ability. Then relax. Fighting that knowledge or trying to force the knowledge only distances you from the energy. Be OK with it. Don’t think it is evil; it is definitely God-given.
2. Trust. When information comes through, trust it’s real, trust it’s true, and trust it comes from a pure space. Everyone has said at some time in his or her life, “I knew it!” or “I should have gone with my first instinct!” That’s burgeoning psychic energy and serves to teach us to trust what’s coming through.

Me: What do you know about the other realm where our spirits reside?

MD: I know a few things about the other side. I don’t know a lot, though. Whenever I ask, I’m always told I don’t have the ability to completely comprehend, and it would be distracting to live my life knowing more than I do. I have seen some pretty incredible things, and bits and pieces that I’ve been able to peek into [show] it looks incredible.

Me: Do you have religious beliefs?

MD: I wouldn’t call myself religious but spiritual. I was raised in a very traditional Christian household, and much of that ideology remains for me. However, I’ve chosen to reject the dogma associated with denominations. I feel dogma is where so many people go astray. I read the Bible every day, but I also read lots of other religious or spiritually themed books.
My belief is everyone must experience God/Spirit/Source for themselves; religion is understanding God through someone else’s experience. I believe that God is the creator of everything—that we are meant to learn and co-create in this realm. I believe everyone has everything they need to make their way in life when they are born; it’s just a matter of unlocking potential. I believe God appears to each of us in very different ways; I believe it’s arrogant and short-sighted to believe that God shows up for everyone in exactly the same manner. I believe we all have the divine command to love and help one another. I try to honor that command in my everyday life.

Me: What are your life challenges?

MD: My challenges are pretty simple, really. I’ve dealt with the fear of being who I really am my whole life. Right now the biggest challenges I have are in setting personal time for myself. I’m in session almost constantly—which I love—but I don’t want to suffer from burnout.

Me: I’ve read that this gift is sometimes inherited. Is there anyone else in your family who has had it?

MD: Well, everyone is psychic, in some manner, so the gift itself is not necessarily inherited. But the type of gift and the intensity of it are definitely connected along family lines. It’s no different, really than any other gift. 
For example, you might see a long line of mechanics or athletes or linguists in a particular family tree—or look at the Barrymore family of distinguished actors. In my family, there are definitely a number of people who have had exceptionally strong clairvoyance or claircognizance. Most of those family members declined to call their gifts “clair-whatever,” but the gifts were definitely evident.

Me: Do you receive communication from the living?

MD: I do receive communication from the living. Sometimes they are far away. I’ve communicated with people in comas or vegetative states and a few with late-stage Alzheimer’s. I have received communication with angels and with God/Source/Divine.

Me: How do you prepare for a reading?

MD: I prepare for every reading through meditation and prayer. I meditate to achieve calm and to signal my readiness to work. I pray to signal my intentions. I have 3 prayers I use consistently. The first is to speak out gratitude for everything in my life and to communicate any help I might need. The second is to remove all bias, all prejudice, the need to judge or share personal opinions. This prayer is to reduce my ego, so I become a clear vessel for that person’s information. The third prayer is my client will recognize this time as a holy and sacred time, and the information will be taken in, accepted and used as a platform for change.

Me: What do you want to accomplish in this life?

MD: I am so blessed to be able to do what I do, every single day. I recognize the need to take my work to a bigger place, a bigger platform. So I am working steadily toward that. In addition, I see my work shifting at some point to teaching over individual counseling.

Me: What was your most memorable reading?

MD: I have done more than 12,000 readings, so it is a difficult question to answer. Perhaps the most impactful readings have been to help families achieve closure with people whose deaths were questionable in some way. This includes working with the police or private detectives, so evidence can be located or a crime re-assessed. I’ve worked with very high-profile people—politicians involved in the current election cycle and award-winning celebrities. Surprisingly, those are not the most memorable experiences I’ve had. I think to qualify for memorable, the reading has to impact me in a truly personal way. I have to experience a profound epiphany, along with my client. One very emotional reading was with a couple who had several miscarriages. They came to see me about difficulties in their marriage and whether they should stay together. And I saw the spirits of five children who tried to come through. These children were sending love and acknowledgment.
Needless to say, it was so surprising for this couple but ultimately truly healing. They emailed me later that they decided to go into couple’s counseling because they had recommitted to their marriage. That’s why I do what I do. If there’s any way my gift can help someone achieve closure or become “unstuck,” I want to help.

To reach Myrna Deas, visit her website at www.amoderndaymystic.com.

Aging Gracefully, I Don't Think So.

Aging Gracefully, I Don't Think So.

Cruising through the tv channels and I stumble across a show with "so and so aging gracefully" in the title. Ok, I'll bite. Since I am aging - I have just realized - I guess I should learn how to do it gracefully cause so far I am still in the kicking and screaming phase. The "star" said that her secret to aging gracefully is to have plastic surgery whenever something falls, shifts, darkens, or starts to look old. Why diet? Just have liposuction! Holy crap. Listen, lady, I can't afford a manicure let alone surgery.

I will admit that part of me - the devil on my left shoulder whispering in my ear - is loving this. "Hell yes, why not, if you had the money you would do this." The angel on my right shoulder is saying "This is just terrible, people should accept their aging bodies and celebrate the life they are having."

So here I am, stuck in the middle with you, and I still don't know when all this happened. I was just 40. Suddenly I am knock, knock, knocking on 60's door.

I don't know about you but I am having a hard time with this whole aging thing. Time is whizzing past and with it are going the superficial things that make me, well me.

Honk if you feel this way too.

Reluctant Grandmother

Reluctant Grandmother

I was a reluctant grandmother. Yes, I said it. I was a 44-year-old executive in banking and flying high on the freedom of the empty nest. I was a divorced woman with two grown children—and ​looking for love (in all the wrong places, of course), while​ trying to move up the corporate ladder.

Boom! My ​unmarried ​daughter was pregnan​t. ​​So many emotions welled up in that instant, as I tried to to digest the words. Confused, I questioned how it happened. Duh! Then I hit denial (“This can’t be true, she’s too young and not married, there must be a mistake!”). Then it turned around to bite me. That meant I was going to become a grandmother. At 44.

I was so horrified at the prospect of having a “grand” in front of “mother” that I did not consider the wonderful event that was impending. Selfish? Yes. But it was my turn, and I knew it would impact my life in a way I did not want, in a way that reminded me I was getting older.

I was a grandmother to a beautiful little girl we named “Danielle” March 13, 2000. I felt the shift in the hospital when I first laid eyes on this most beautiful baby​. I was a grandmother—at only 44. I realized what a gift I had been given—”doubly-blessed,” I would say. I was young enough to be able to keep up with the little one (right!) and she was yet another person for me to share my life with. Isn’t that what life is about? Not prestige, money, or dating younger men (do not judge me). It’s about ​the ​unconditional love​ that ​one person has for another.

Little more than a year later, we were blessed again—this time with a boy, Tyler. ​His birth and the birth of Kylie in 2005​ elicited the same feelings I had when Dani was born​: What a wonderful gift of unconditional love.​

For me, being a parent and a grandparent is ​about standing back and watching my daughter raise her children. I see her go through the same struggles I did in raising her and her brother. Sometimes I smile. Remember the “Mother’s Curse”: “I hope when you grow up, you have children that act just like you!”​ ​

I was a reluctant grandmother before, but I never have looked back or regretted one single moment of my life with my grandkids. They remind me that we are all here for a short time, and life is supposed to be fun. They are growing up way too fast. Dani is 15 and driving! Tyler is right behind her at 14, and Kylie is 10. I make it a point to touch base with them on a regular basis and I realized that they keep me young—something I never considered when I was agonizing over their impending births. They are my fountain of youth.

I still prefer to be called “Nay-Nay,” a name I came up with to avoid being called “grandmother” (again, don’t judge). But these days ​my reluctance is replaced with pride at being able to say, ​” I am their grandmother.” LOL

Hello, September 13th is Grandparents Day!



Hello, September 13th is Grandparents Day!

Yes, I am a cover girl!

“You are not my child and I am not your parent. We are bound together by our mutual relationship with my child, who is your parent.”

Relationships between grandparents and grandchildren are unique.

It's a conversation I recently had with my 10-year-old granddaughter, Kylie, the youngest of my three grandkids. She spent time with me during her summer vacation, and we were in a deep discussion about family dynamics. Kylie loves it when I tell her stories about her mother's childhood. I enjoy the trip down memory lane, too—especially with the child of my own child.

I was doing some research in preparation of writing this article during Kylie’s visit. She asked if she could help. Kylie is a chip off NayNay's block; she loves to write. So, we decided to collaborate on the assignment to cover Grandparents Day. (And, hey, what better way to get your message across than to lead by example?)

Grandparent’s Day is not any usual holiday. In 1970, Marian Lucille Herndon McQuade, a housewife and community leader in West Virginia, began a campaign to set aside a day to honor the grandparent. McQuade and her husband of 57 years, Joe, devoted their golden years to making the observance truly meaningful.

To be clear, it isn't a Hallmark holiday, invented to sell cards and flowers. McQuade wanted Grandparents Day to be about families enjoying small, private gatherings or participating in community events together. McQuade’s intentions were clearly thought-out:

Honor grandparents.
Give grandparents an opportunity to show love for their children's children.
Help children become aware of the strength, information, and guidance older people can offer.

In 1979, President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first Sunday after Labor Day as National Grandparents Day. In 2015, it will be celebrated on Sunday, Sept. 13.

National Grandparents Day gives us a chance to recognize the importance of grandparents. It is also a day of giving—sharing hopes, dreams, and values and setting an example, even advocating for future generations. In cultivating the bond between grandparents and grandchildren, observances can take any form, whether it’s preparing the family’s favorite meal together or showing younger kids how to use a real camera, not one attached to a phone. It’s about recollecting memories—and making new ones.

Kylie and I find that sharing a hobby connects us. Currently, I am teaching her how to raise fish in an aquarium. Along with aquarium talk, we exchange stories about our family and lives. We work to incorporate storytelling into our dialogue during each of our visits.

“It's important to share family stories with kids," LOL reader and Grandma Shelagh Clancy agrees. "It gives them a sense of identity and belonging. My granddaughter, Ana, is still little, but I like to tell her about when her mom was small. Ana gets a kick out of the notion that her mom was a baby and I was her mom! I also like to share songs and jokes with her. She thinks 'On Top of Spaghetti' is hilarious.”

Perhaps one of the most invigorating parts of grandparenthood comes with the insight into a child's mind once again. Their imaginations soar, especially when encouraged and valued. Grandma Chrissy Cadogan agrees.

“The best thing [I've encountered as a grandmother is] teaching them to look at the clouds and see the pictures in the them—the little things in life,” Cadogan notes.

Seeing grandchildren take on wisdom and knowledge, and repeat it in their own way, is an amazing gift for any grandparent. Kylie and I are training a new addition to our family: a 5 year-old Chihuahua we rescued and adopted. He is a wonderful little soul. Kylie just adores him, but he needs to learn the ways of our home. I recently overheard her conversation with “Weezie” about barking, and it was almost verbatim to my earlier training. I couldn’t help but chuckle over this moment. I realized firsthand the example I was setting for this little person, a task already accomplished with her mother, but somehow different from that primary relationship. In fact, most grandparents will probably agree: It’s just different with grandkids.

For many, a grandparent is not always directly related, either. My husband, Brian, is Kylie’s step-grandfather—and they couldn’t be closer if the same blood pumped through their veins. They enjoy each other's company.

"The time I spend with my grandkids is absolutely precious," Brian says. "We teach each other about life. For me, they are a new audience, I can tell my life stories to—especially since my wife has heard them all."

He and Kylie often spend days at the park, exercising the dogs. "Such energy!" he excites. "She loves spending time with us and I get to know what little girls are made of since I have no grandkids from my [biological] son.”

”I love my NayNay and Mr. Brian," Kylie says. "I love to spend time at their house with all the animals. My favorite time is when we look at pictures, and NayNay tells me stories about my mom and us when we were little. It makes me laugh.”

It makes me laugh, too. And that’s what it’s about for my family. Laughing, loving, and enjoying life—sharing the wisdom of all ages. It truly is a gift that just keeps giving.

More so, it adds value to our lives when we take the time to open up to our families and remind each other where we've been and imagine the future ahead. It can make a difference to all grandchildren in seeing their elders for who they are. As for me, well, nothing delights my grandkids more than seeing me rock out to Pink Floyd or Bon Jovi. They are amazed I was young once—more so, even that I did some of the things they do, good and bad.

Happy Grandparents Day from our family to yours.



My maternal grandparents Earl and Atlantic Rebecca.

United States Of Confusion

United States Of Confusion

I am truly confused and I am an American. Why are we called the “United States” when there is very little legislation we are united about?

What’s with our system of laws?

Federal laws are generally applicable in all states. However, under constitutional laws, states are allowed to create, implement and enforce their own laws in addition to federal laws. This is because every U.S. state is also a sovereign entity in its own right and has the power to create laws and regulate them according to their needs. Some categories of laws that vary from state to state are: gun control laws, child custody laws, trucking, and motor carrier laws, business and corporate laws, and marriage licensing laws, especially with regards to same-sex marriage. Oh, and marijuana laws. Case in point:

Twenty-three states and the District of Columbia currently have laws legalizing marijuana in some form. Four states have legalized marijuana for recreational use. In Alaska, adults 21 and older can now transport, buy or possess up to an ounce of marijuana and six plants. Oregon voters approved a similar measure allowing adults to possess up to an ounce of marijuana in public and 8 ounces in their homes, set to take effect July 1, 2015. Colorado and Washington previously passed similar ballot measures legalizing marijuana in 2012. In February, a measure approved by voters went into effect in the District of Columbia that legalizes possession of small amounts of marijuana.

Other states have passed medical marijuana laws allowing for limited use of cannabis. Some medical marijuana laws are broader than others, with types of medical conditions that allow for treatment varying from state to state. Other states have passed laws allowing residents to possess cannabis oil if they suffer from certain medical illnesses. Most recently, Georgia Governor Nathan Deal signed a law legalizing the possession of up to 20 ounces of cannabis oil. *

So the states march on, some passing laws allowing the medical and/or recreational use of marijuana. But ultimately it is still illegal on the federal level. Confused yet?

*Information is current as of April 17, 2015.

This article appeared in View From The Hot Tub, Livinoutloudmag.com, July 2015 edition.

Livin La Vida Local

Livin La Vida Local

(This post is dedicated to Kellers Bakery in Linthicum, MD, where they make the most delicious jelly turnovers I have ever tasted.)

I recently discovered through Facebook that the bakery we visited daily on our way home from school in the 60’s is closing after 53 years in business.

This is just another reminder that the local business is an endangered species.

Who’s to blame? We are. Lured in by the promise of lower prices, consumers flock to corporate-run, well here I would say retailers, but corporate ownership invades every aspect of our lives. Have you tried to find a doctor in private practice?

We don’t have to sit back and let this happen. According to an April 29, 2015, blog post on the Wilmington Chamber Website, “Wilmington Ranks as Second Best City in U.S. to Start a Business”, knocked out of first by Boulder, Colorado.

So what can you do? Live local. Local home sales rose 28% in June, the biggest jump in our area in nine years. There will be new residents in this group, let your new neighbor know about the local businesses in your area. Another way to live local is to shop local and ask your local purveyor to price match if their price is higher. If your local shop doesn’t carry an item you want, ask them to order it for you. We can make a difference if we show local businesses that we will support them. Let’s keep our existing local businesses in business and encourage those who are chasing the American dream of owning their own business to open it here.

Looking for local? Just a sampling of local businesses:

On Facebook: Buylocalilm
Wilmington NC Locally Owned Businesses

On the web: Wilmingtonchamber.org
www.feastdowneast.org/supportingrestaurants.html
http://www.tidalcreek.coop
http://www.portcityproduce.com
bluemoongiftshops.com
http://www.jfountaintire.com

This article appeared in the August edition of Livin' Out Loud magazine.

A Dad And A Dog And Carling Black Label Beer

A Dad And A Dog And Carling Black Label Beer

When I was 4-years-old, I suffered a serious dog bite to the face. I was trying to pet Herman, the neighbor’s Dalmatian. He was on a chain and I, in my 4-year-old mind, I thought he was lonely and needed me to pet him. Well, he didn’t see it that way and I ended up with a face full of stitches and a fear of dogs that would last well into my pre-teens.

It wasn’t until we adopted Gigi (her full name was Gigi a'la Black Label), the runt of my aunt’s black poodle litter, that I began to understand the relationship between dogs and people. I learned about dogs not from my own experience with Gigi, but from her relationship with my Dad (he worked at Carling Black Label for 33ish years). My brother and I were thrilled to bring home our little bundle of black poodle fur, but it was clear right from the start that Gigi was dad’s dog. Words were hardly spoken between them, usually just a look or gesture from dad and she would react appropriately. It wasn’t me she slept with, she had her spot right under his bed. Wherever he went, she went. This is when I realized that animals have a soul.

Understanding replaced the fear in my relationship with dogs. I have been the proud fur parent for many dogs, especially when I lived in Duplin County, NC, where people would dump them off on the side of the road when they were no longer cute and cuddly. Many dogs found their way to my sanctuary and lived happy lives.

I will always have dogs. Right now, a Maltese named Sally and Malti-Tzu named Kiki, are part of my family, as well as cats (of course strays find me here in Wilmington, too) and an array of aquatic friends, that also give me joy. They all have souls and they all deserve to be treated with respect.

I leave you with these Father’s Day/Pet Month thoughts:
Don’t take an animal if you can’t commit to their care for their lifetime.
Spay and neuter your pets.
Tell your dad you love him.

This article also appears in the June 2015 issue of livinoutloudmag.com

Glass Houses And Stones

Glass Houses And Stones

Have you ever been rude to someone? Have you ever spoken harsh words? Everyone who is reading this must answer yes because you know you have. So how can we judge other people harshly for doing the same thing? People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

As I write this, there is a news story about a celebrity being rude to a tow truck employee. Her car got towed and she is very upset. There were words exchanged and the celebrity went on a vicious verbal attack and blasted the tow employee with hurtful words. SO?

Well, this celebrity received a week's suspension from her job. For something that happened during her own time. And there are many people who are supporting her suspension and are calling for her dismissal.

I have been towed and I was furious. I can relate to how the celebrity felt. I can also relate to the person being lambasted because I have been on that end too.

Their exchange was videotaped and now the celebrity is being judged by a society of Hypocrites. Hypocrite: A person who pretends to be someone they are not. An example of a Hypocrite: The people who give you the finger while they are sitting in the line of traffic leaving church.

Isn’t there a line in the Bible about judging others?
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure, you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”*

So if you don’t agree with something someone else says or does, that’s OK. You have the right to your opinion, however, don’t judge, just accept that you don’t see eye to eye on this and move on. And you may ask yourself as you are forming this opinion: Have I ever done or said something like this? If you answer yes, this means that when you did it, it was OK. When someone else does it, it is not?

Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. OK?

Namaste

*Matthew 7:1-5

This article will appear in Livin' out Loud magazine, May 2015 edition. Click to go:
Livin Out Loud magazine

Writer's Block-Head

Writer's Block-Head

Crap, I think I have writer's block and I have a story due to my editor. Nothing is coming. Not a fucking thought I can use to create this masterpiece of a magazine interview. That's right, interview, so most of the writing is already done for me. All I have to do is take it from recorder to keyboard. Nope. Oh, I've done all kinds of creative stuff today, even made a video about my daughter's tongue hanging out all the time. But every time I come back to try to do this article I blank out. Crickets. No, not even crickets, they abandoned me long ago.

Have I lost my writing Mojo? I hope not, it's one thing I really enjoy doing in this world of things we do every day. When I am writing I am writing, nothing else. I am as Eckhart Tolle would say "present in this moment" aware of nothing but taking the words that enter my brain and putting them on paper. Channeling some other consciousness? I don't know, I just know that I am having a shit-storm of a time writing up this article.

OK, well there is more to this than I have told you so far. The person I am writing about is an idol. Not an American Idol, a real writing idol of mine. In fact, her writing influenced me to become a writer. If she can do it, I can too, or so I thought, until today when this article is due and I haven't started it.

Self-doubt is sitting on my right shoulder whispering in my ear. I've had a lot of trouble with self-doubt lately, trying to hold me back from moving forward in life. Well, I spate him once this week, I am just going to have to find it within me to spate him again. A double spate.

After all, I can't back out now. She KNOWS this is coming, we hung out for over an hour chatting about life and comedy and writing. It's the cover story for the January issue. Yikes. That's not helping.

So I think I will try something my idol told me she does when she needs to be inspired. Go read a book by someone you admire. Thanks, Celia, I am going to do just that. I'll let you know how it goes.

Voices Carry

Voices Carry

Have you ever really thought about how you come to a decision? How many times do you end up with decision regret, buyer's remorse, whatever? Most of the time I am not really aware of the process, it just happens, but I decided to pay attention to the voices in my head while I was processing a recent decision. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Where did this idea come from?
Him: I don't know it just happened.
Me: What were you doing when it happened?
Him: I don't remember, it just started taking over my brain and before I knew it I had to find a solution to the problem.
Me: But it isn't a problem, it's just an idea.
Him: I know, but I have to solve it.
Me: No you don't. You are making a problem where there is just an idea.
Him: But how can I solve it if I don't fix it.
Me: It doesn't need fixing, it isn't broken, it isn't even born yet. It's just an idea and you have already decided it will fail before you have even given it a chance to be.
Him: No, I solved it. It won't work.
Me: You can't say that, we haven't invented it yet.
Him: But there no need it won't work. I already solved it.
Me: OK then walk me through how you solved it.
Him: I don't know, I just know it won't work. You aren't that smart. How could you invent something that no one else has thought of? If it were a good idea, it would already have been invented.

And there you have it. I wonder how many times we stop at this point, cut the bud from the flower. How many great ideas never get migrated because of our internal dialog?

I am not ending this. I am going to move forward with my idea even though my internal dialog is not on board,

In fact, here it is. Well, what I have of it so far. It isn't completely worked out because I am only working with a part of my resources. The other part refuses to cooperate, as you have seen. Oh, he'll get on board when he gets some encouragement, so I need to spread the word. Help me won't you, I need to prove him wrong.

And here's something interesting, I didn't realize until I wrote this that my "inner person" is a guy. Go figure.

But I Don't Wanna Grow Up

But I Don't Wanna Grow Up

I've finally reached that point in life where I can say I am a grown-up. Not sure how it happened but somewhere along the way I became my parents. Here are just a few of the oddities of behavior that have led me to this conclusion:

I dislike the music of today and think that the only great music was the music of my generation.

I feel the same about most television shows and movies.

I don't care what I wear to Wal-Mart.

Comfortable flats beat Carrie Bradshaw shoes every time. I don't even own high heels anymore.

Weekends are for sleeping. And I would never be out past 10:00 p.m.

Concerts are loud and people act stupid. I'd rather stay home and watch it on tv.

Ditto fireworks and every other celebration involving more than 4 people

I don't care what you think about my opinions.

Funny how your life does a 180. I don't know what happened to that girl who loved loud concerts and bars, would never leave the house unmade-up, never missed a party, and lived for the weekends hanging with friends. I guess she's still in here somewhere.

My next question would be, is this all there is? Or is this just another one of those life transitions that are supposed to help us grow to our purpose? This too shall pass?

Will I ever be "that girl" again? I sure hope she comes back around. I miss her and I know my friends do too.

We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost

I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost

Do you believe in an afterlife, that this life is merely a chapter in our book, our soul leaves this human body and takes up in another form and continues with the next chapter? I don't know, but there are people who claim to be able to communicate with the departed. Kim Russo (The Haunting of) and Theresa (Long Island Medium) Caputo are two people who claim to be able to speak with the dearly departed and until somebody proves otherwise, I believe them.

I knew there were a lot of spirit-based shows on these days, and I found this cool list of paranormal shows on a blog by Sharon Hill. I condensed her list down to more recent shows:

Title Run Years Category Channel/Network
Ghost Hunters 2004-current Ghosts Syfy
A Haunting 2005-2007 Ghosts Discovery Channel / Destination America
Ghost Hunters International 2008-2012 Ghosts Syfy
Ghost Adventures 2008-current Ghosts Travel Channel
Haunted (The) 2009 Ghosts Animal Planet
Celebrity Ghost Stories 2009-current Ghosts Biography Channel
Fact Or Faked: Paranormal Files 2009-current Paranormal Syfy
My Ghost Story 2010 Ghosts Biography Channel
Paranormal State: The New Class 2010 Paranormal A&E Network
I Survived…Beyond and Back 2011 Miracles Biography Channel
Haunted Collector 2011-2013 Ghosts SyFy
Paranormal Witness 2011 Paranormal SyFy
Long Island Medium 2011-current Psychics TLC
Haunted Highway 2012-current Paranormal SyFy
Ghost Mine 2012-2013 Paranormal SyFy
The Haunting Of… 2012-current Paranormal Biography
Stranded 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Deep South Paranormal 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Killer Contact 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Joe Rogan Questions Everything 2013 Paranormal SyFy
Psychic Tia 2013 Psychics A & E
The Unexplained Files 2013 Paranormal Science Channel
Stalked by a Ghost 2013 Paranormal Biography
The Ghost Inside My Child 2013- Paranormal Biography
Ghost Bait 2013 Paranormal Biography
When Ghosts Attack 2013 Paranormal Destination America
Mystery Map 2013 Paranormal ITV (UK)
The Curse of Oak Island 2013- Paranormal History
Haunting: Australia 2014 Paranormal SyFy
Cell Block Psychic 2014 Psychics Investigation Discovery
The R.I.P. Files 2014 Paranormal A&E CI (Australia and New Zealand)
Miracles Decoded 2014 Miracles History Channel (CAN)
Mom’s a Medium 2014 Psychics CMT (Canada)
Ghost Asylum 2014 Paranormal Destination America
Angels Among Us 2014 Miracles TLC
Amish Haunting 2014 Paranormal Destination America
Ghost Stalkers 2014 Paranormal Destination America

I find it odd that people do not like to admit they watch shows like this. There are some good quality shows like John Zaffis and Haunted Collector, as well as the hokey ones like Ghost Adventures which I refuse to watch because it is bad, did you hear that?

I am not ashamed to raise my hand and proudly state, I ain't afraid of no ghost, I enjoy these shows.

Do ghosts exist? Is there an afterlife? I don't know but if I get there before you I'll send a message through Kim or Theresa.

Did you hear that?

Who Is Really Your Doctor? 26

Who Is Really Your Doctor?

My neurologist is a very educated and experienced doctor. He understands my condition and what it takes to give me some relief because my condition is incurable and causes all sorts of pain. Why does my doctor have to ask the "insurance company" what they will allow me to have medically performed or prescribed to keep me in good health?

Real conversation that I had with one of my doctors:

Doctor: The insurance company won't pay for your Botox treatments to control your migraine condition. They say you are not getting enough pain-free days to justify the cost.

Me: What? How do they know how many days I have pain-free? Nobody's asked me how I feel every day.

Doctor: They say you must have an improvement of at least 7 pain-free days or 100 pain-free hours per month.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? How am I supposed to know that? If I get the Botox to eliminate the pain how do I know how many hours a month I would have had pain? OMG, I am so confused. I am getting a migraine.

I know he is disgusted with the way things are in the medical/insurance scam that we call health care, but he has dedicated his life to helping people and he's not going to give up, he's just resigned himself to do what he has to, to help his patient.

While the insurance folks are getting richer, we get sicker and broker, trying to get relief from conditions that the insurance company has deemed too expensive to treat on a regular basis. You have 30 pain days a month, we will give you 6 pills a month that will make you feel all better.

And now I am getting a migraine.

Dog And Cats And Rainy Days 25

Dog And Cats And Rainy Days
   
I am the fur mom to 2 dogs and 6 cats. We also have fish, but I didn’t count them, no fur, unless you count that ick stuff they get that looks like cotton on their bodies, then they have a lot of fur, icky fur. OK.

Something happens to my sweet little animal family when it rains. We have the critters as well as me and B-Dubb, in a two-bedroom apartment. Most of the time it’s fine, everyone has their place: Sylvester in the closet in the big bedroom, Bob on the shelf in my bathroom, Lily on top of the kitchen cabinets, Gray at the bottom of the bed, Cadee in the window. Oh, and Sammy, who has several homes from the look of his portly girth. He’s with his other family right now. The dogs, Sally and Kiki, both of the yappy-bark breeds, are sweet little gifts from God and they are usually under our feet. Until it rains.

Nobody will go outside. I don’t care how bad they have to pee or poo, they refuse to get their feet wet, so they pace around the apartment, snarking at each other cause everybody’s gotta go.

Really? Tell you what, how about you all stay in the house while I go outside and wait for the rain to stop. I’d rather get wet than sit in the house with you all right now. Later.