Aging Gracefully, I Don't Think So.

Aging Gracefully, I Don't Think So.

Cruising through the tv channels and I stumble across a show with "so and so aging gracefully" in the title. Ok, I'll bite. Since I am aging - I have just realized - I guess I should learn how to do it gracefully cause so far I am still in the kicking and screaming phase. The "star" said that her secret to aging gracefully is to have plastic surgery whenever something falls, shifts, darkens, or starts to look old. Why diet? Just have liposuction! Holy crap. Listen, lady, I can't afford a manicure let alone surgery.

I will admit that part of me - the devil on my left shoulder whispering in my ear - is loving this. "Hell yes, why not, if you had the money you would do this." The angel on my right shoulder is saying "This is just terrible, people should accept their aging bodies and celebrate the life they are having."

So here I am, stuck in the middle with you, and I still don't know when all this happened. I was just 40. Suddenly I am knock, knock, knocking on 60's door.

I don't know about you but I am having a hard time with this whole aging thing. Time is whizzing past and with it are going the superficial things that make me, well me.

Honk if you feel this way too.

Reluctant Grandmother

Reluctant Grandmother

I was a reluctant grandmother. Yes, I said it. I was a 44-year-old executive in banking and flying high on the freedom of the empty nest. I was a divorced woman with two grown children—and ​looking for love (in all the wrong places, of course), while​ trying to move up the corporate ladder.

Boom! My ​unmarried ​daughter was pregnan​t. ​​So many emotions welled up in that instant, as I tried to to digest the words. Confused, I questioned how it happened. Duh! Then I hit denial (“This can’t be true, she’s too young and not married, there must be a mistake!”). Then it turned around to bite me. That meant I was going to become a grandmother. At 44.

I was so horrified at the prospect of having a “grand” in front of “mother” that I did not consider the wonderful event that was impending. Selfish? Yes. But it was my turn, and I knew it would impact my life in a way I did not want, in a way that reminded me I was getting older.

I was a grandmother to a beautiful little girl we named “Danielle” March 13, 2000. I felt the shift in the hospital when I first laid eyes on this most beautiful baby​. I was a grandmother—at only 44. I realized what a gift I had been given—”doubly-blessed,” I would say. I was young enough to be able to keep up with the little one (right!) and she was yet another person for me to share my life with. Isn’t that what life is about? Not prestige, money, or dating younger men (do not judge me). It’s about ​the ​unconditional love​ that ​one person has for another.

Little more than a year later, we were blessed again—this time with a boy, Tyler. ​His birth and the birth of Kylie in 2005​ elicited the same feelings I had when Dani was born​: What a wonderful gift of unconditional love.​

For me, being a parent and a grandparent is ​about standing back and watching my daughter raise her children. I see her go through the same struggles I did in raising her and her brother. Sometimes I smile. Remember the “Mother’s Curse”: “I hope when you grow up, you have children that act just like you!”​ ​

I was a reluctant grandmother before, but I never have looked back or regretted one single moment of my life with my grandkids. They remind me that we are all here for a short time, and life is supposed to be fun. They are growing up way too fast. Dani is 15 and driving! Tyler is right behind her at 14, and Kylie is 10. I make it a point to touch base with them on a regular basis and I realized that they keep me young—something I never considered when I was agonizing over their impending births. They are my fountain of youth.

I still prefer to be called “Nay-Nay,” a name I came up with to avoid being called “grandmother” (again, don’t judge). But these days ​my reluctance is replaced with pride at being able to say, ​” I am their grandmother.” LOL

Hello, September 13th is Grandparents Day!

Hello, September 13th is Grandparents Day!

Yes, I am a cover girl!

“You are not my child and I am not your parent. We are bound together by our mutual relationship with my child, who is your parent.”

Relationships between grandparents and grandchildren are unique.

It's a conversation I recently had with my 10-year-old granddaughter, Kylie, the youngest of my three grandkids. She spent time with me during her summer vacation, and we were in a deep discussion about family dynamics. Kylie loves it when I tell her stories about her mother's childhood. I enjoy the trip down memory lane, too—especially with the child of my own child.

I was doing some research in preparation of writing this article during Kylie’s visit. She asked if she could help. Kylie is a chip off NayNay's block; she loves to write. So, we decided to collaborate on the assignment to cover Grandparents Day. (And, hey, what better way to get your message across than to lead by example?)

Grandparent’s Day is not any usual holiday. In 1970, Marian Lucille Herndon McQuade, a housewife and community leader in West Virginia, began a campaign to set aside a day to honor the grandparent. McQuade and her husband of 57 years, Joe, devoted their golden years to making the observance truly meaningful.

To be clear, it isn't a Hallmark holiday, invented to sell cards and flowers. McQuade wanted Grandparents Day to be about families enjoying small, private gatherings or participating in community events together. McQuade’s intentions were clearly thought-out:

Honor grandparents.
Give grandparents an opportunity to show love for their children's children.
Help children become aware of the strength, information, and guidance older people can offer.

In 1979, President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first Sunday after Labor Day as National Grandparents Day. In 2015, it will be celebrated on Sunday, Sept. 13.

National Grandparents Day gives us a chance to recognize the importance of grandparents. It is also a day of giving—sharing hopes, dreams, and values and setting an example, even advocating for future generations. In cultivating the bond between grandparents and grandchildren, observances can take any form, whether it’s preparing the family’s favorite meal together or showing younger kids how to use a real camera, not one attached to a phone. It’s about recollecting memories—and making new ones.

Kylie and I find that sharing a hobby connects us. Currently, I am teaching her how to raise fish in an aquarium. Along with aquarium talk, we exchange stories about our family and lives. We work to incorporate storytelling into our dialogue during each of our visits.

“It's important to share family stories with kids," LOL reader and Grandma Shelagh Clancy agrees. "It gives them a sense of identity and belonging. My granddaughter, Ana, is still little, but I like to tell her about when her mom was small. Ana gets a kick out of the notion that her mom was a baby and I was her mom! I also like to share songs and jokes with her. She thinks 'On Top of Spaghetti' is hilarious.”

Perhaps one of the most invigorating parts of grandparenthood comes with the insight into a child's mind once again. Their imaginations soar, especially when encouraged and valued. Grandma Chrissy Cadogan agrees.

“The best thing [I've encountered as a grandmother is] teaching them to look at the clouds and see the pictures in the them—the little things in life,” Cadogan notes.

Seeing grandchildren take on wisdom and knowledge, and repeat it in their own way, is an amazing gift for any grandparent. Kylie and I are training a new addition to our family: a 5 year-old Chihuahua we rescued and adopted. He is a wonderful little soul. Kylie just adores him, but he needs to learn the ways of our home. I recently overheard her conversation with “Weezie” about barking, and it was almost verbatim to my earlier training. I couldn’t help but chuckle over this moment. I realized firsthand the example I was setting for this little person, a task already accomplished with her mother, but somehow different from that primary relationship. In fact, most grandparents will probably agree: It’s just different with grandkids.

For many, a grandparent is not always directly related, either. My husband, Brian, is Kylie’s step-grandfather—and they couldn’t be closer if the same blood pumped through their veins. They enjoy each other's company.

"The time I spend with my grandkids is absolutely precious," Brian says. "We teach each other about life. For me, they are a new audience, I can tell my life stories to—especially since my wife has heard them all."

He and Kylie often spend days at the park, exercising the dogs. "Such energy!" he excites. "She loves spending time with us and I get to know what little girls are made of since I have no grandkids from my [biological] son.”

”I love my NayNay and Mr. Brian," Kylie says. "I love to spend time at their house with all the animals. My favorite time is when we look at pictures, and NayNay tells me stories about my mom and us when we were little. It makes me laugh.”

It makes me laugh, too. And that’s what it’s about for my family. Laughing, loving, and enjoying life—sharing the wisdom of all ages. It truly is a gift that just keeps giving.

More so, it adds value to our lives when we take the time to open up to our families and remind each other where we've been and imagine the future ahead. It can make a difference to all grandchildren in seeing their elders for who they are. As for me, well, nothing delights my grandkids more than seeing me rock out to Pink Floyd or Bon Jovi. They are amazed I was young once—more so, even that I did some of the things they do, good and bad.

Happy Grandparents Day from our family to yours.

My maternal grandparents Earl and Atlantic Rebecca.

United States Of Confusion

United States Of Confusion

I am truly confused and I am an American. Why are we called the “United States” when there is very little legislation we are united about?

What’s with our system of laws?

Federal laws are generally applicable in all states. However, under constitutional laws, states are allowed to create, implement and enforce their own laws in addition to federal laws. This is because every U.S. state is also a sovereign entity in its own right and has the power to create laws and regulate them according to their needs. Some categories of laws that vary from state to state are: gun control laws, child custody laws, trucking, and motor carrier laws, business and corporate laws, and marriage licensing laws, especially with regards to same-sex marriage. Oh, and marijuana laws. Case in point:

Twenty-three states and the District of Columbia currently have laws legalizing marijuana in some form. Four states have legalized marijuana for recreational use. In Alaska, adults 21 and older can now transport, buy or possess up to an ounce of marijuana and six plants. Oregon voters approved a similar measure allowing adults to possess up to an ounce of marijuana in public and 8 ounces in their homes, set to take effect July 1, 2015. Colorado and Washington previously passed similar ballot measures legalizing marijuana in 2012. In February, a measure approved by voters went into effect in the District of Columbia that legalizes possession of small amounts of marijuana.

Other states have passed medical marijuana laws allowing for limited use of cannabis. Some medical marijuana laws are broader than others, with types of medical conditions that allow for treatment varying from state to state. Other states have passed laws allowing residents to possess cannabis oil if they suffer from certain medical illnesses. Most recently, Georgia Governor Nathan Deal signed a law legalizing the possession of up to 20 ounces of cannabis oil. *

So the states march on, some passing laws allowing the medical and/or recreational use of marijuana. But ultimately it is still illegal on the federal level. Confused yet?

*Information is current as of April 17, 2015.

This article appeared in View From The Hot Tub, Livinoutloudmag.com, July 2015 edition.

Livin La Vida Local

Livin La Vida Local

(This post is dedicated to Kellers Bakery in Linthicum, MD, where they make the most delicious jelly turnovers I have ever tasted.)

I recently discovered through Facebook that the bakery we visited daily on our way home from school in the 60’s is closing after 53 years in business.

This is just another reminder that the local business is an endangered species.

Who’s to blame? We are. Lured in by the promise of lower prices, consumers flock to corporate-run, well here I would say retailers, but corporate ownership invades every aspect of our lives. Have you tried to find a doctor in private practice?

We don’t have to sit back and let this happen. According to an April 29, 2015, blog post on the Wilmington Chamber Website, “Wilmington Ranks as Second Best City in U.S. to Start a Business”, knocked out of first by Boulder, Colorado.

So what can you do? Live local. Local home sales rose 28% in June, the biggest jump in our area in nine years. There will be new residents in this group, let your new neighbor know about the local businesses in your area. Another way to live local is to shop local and ask your local purveyor to price match if their price is higher. If your local shop doesn’t carry an item you want, ask them to order it for you. We can make a difference if we show local businesses that we will support them. Let’s keep our existing local businesses in business and encourage those who are chasing the American dream of owning their own business to open it here.

Looking for local? Just a sampling of local businesses:

On Facebook: Buylocalilm
Wilmington NC Locally Owned Businesses

On the web: Wilmingtonchamber.org
www.feastdowneast.org/supportingrestaurants.html
http://www.tidalcreek.coop
http://www.portcityproduce.com
bluemoongiftshops.com
http://www.jfountaintire.com

This article appeared in the August edition of Livin' Out Loud magazine.

A Dad And A Dog And Carling Black Label Beer

A Dad And A Dog And Carling Black Label Beer

When I was 4-years-old, I suffered a serious dog bite to the face. I was trying to pet Herman, the neighbor’s Dalmatian. He was on a chain and I, in my 4-year-old mind, I thought he was lonely and needed me to pet him. Well, he didn’t see it that way and I ended up with a face full of stitches and a fear of dogs that would last well into my pre-teens.

It wasn’t until we adopted Gigi (her full name was Gigi a'la Black Label), the runt of my aunt’s black poodle litter, that I began to understand the relationship between dogs and people. I learned about dogs not from my own experience with Gigi, but from her relationship with my Dad (he worked at Carling Black Label for 33ish years). My brother and I were thrilled to bring home our little bundle of black poodle fur, but it was clear right from the start that Gigi was dad’s dog. Words were hardly spoken between them, usually just a look or gesture from dad and she would react appropriately. It wasn’t me she slept with, she had her spot right under his bed. Wherever he went, she went. This is when I realized that animals have a soul.

Understanding replaced the fear in my relationship with dogs. I have been the proud fur parent for many dogs, especially when I lived in Duplin County, NC, where people would dump them off on the side of the road when they were no longer cute and cuddly. Many dogs found their way to my sanctuary and lived happy lives.

I will always have dogs. Right now, a Maltese named Sally and Malti-Tzu named Kiki, are part of my family, as well as cats (of course strays find me here in Wilmington, too) and an array of aquatic friends, that also give me joy. They all have souls and they all deserve to be treated with respect.

I leave you with these Father’s Day/Pet Month thoughts:
Don’t take an animal if you can’t commit to their care for their lifetime.
Spay and neuter your pets.
Tell your dad you love him.

This article also appears in the June 2015 issue of livinoutloudmag.com

Glass Houses And Stones

Glass Houses And Stones

Have you ever been rude to someone? Have you ever spoken harsh words? Everyone who is reading this must answer yes because you know you have. So how can we judge other people harshly for doing the same thing? People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

As I write this, there is a news story about a celebrity being rude to a tow truck employee. Her car got towed and she is very upset. There were words exchanged and the celebrity went on a vicious verbal attack and blasted the tow employee with hurtful words. SO?

Well, this celebrity received a week's suspension from her job. For something that happened during her own time. And there are many people who are supporting her suspension and are calling for her dismissal.

I have been towed and I was furious. I can relate to how the celebrity felt. I can also relate to the person being lambasted because I have been on that end too.

Their exchange was videotaped and now the celebrity is being judged by a society of Hypocrites. Hypocrite: A person who pretends to be someone they are not. An example of a Hypocrite: The people who give you the finger while they are sitting in the line of traffic leaving church.

Isn’t there a line in the Bible about judging others?
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure, you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”*

So if you don’t agree with something someone else says or does, that’s OK. You have the right to your opinion, however, don’t judge, just accept that you don’t see eye to eye on this and move on. And you may ask yourself as you are forming this opinion: Have I ever done or said something like this? If you answer yes, this means that when you did it, it was OK. When someone else does it, it is not?

Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. OK?

Namaste

*Matthew 7:1-5

This article will appear in Livin' out Loud magazine, May 2015 edition. Click to go:
Livin Out Loud magazine