Dear Dani: (my beautiful, smart, funny first grandchild)
There are a few things you need to know about life, it's not how you think it is. Right now you may think that you are ready to be an adult, trust me you are not. Read this and we can talk about it.
On boys: Do NOT have sex until you are old enough to handle the responsibilities of birth control and falling in love. Boys your age, most boys your age, only care about one thing, SEX. They do not love you and their balls will not explode if you don't "do it" with him. It is your job to be responsible and say no. Choose wisely, the cutest is not always the best bet. Choose men and friends that treat you well. And have the courage to end relationships that no longer work in your life.
On employment: Decide what you want to be when you grow up. It seems silly to have to decide something that is so important to the rest of your life when you are so young and inexperienced, but this is how it works. Go to school to learn a specific trade, don't just go to school to be in school, with no plan for the future. If you feel strongly about what you would like to do, do it. Don't be talked out of it, even if everybody says you can't be a lion tamer, if that is what you want to do, so be it.
On money: Don't spend more than you make. And get a job with a 401K retirement plan.
On friends: You will meet many people in your lifetime. Some of them will be friends for a lifetime and some of them will be friends for a small portion of your life. Like boys, you have to be careful who you let into your life. Friends are people you trust with your secrets, they can cause great damage if you trust the wrong person with a secret and they turn out to be a bad choice. Do not tell anyone anything that you would not want to be public.
On having children: Raising children is not fun all of the time. That little bundle of baby joy is a lot of work. Just know that.
On pets: See "On having children," applies here.
On cars and other stuff: A car is not a status symbol. It is a bucket of bolts that takes you from point a to point b. Get a car that is economical, even if it is not "cool." Don't overpay for things that you want. Do some research and find the lowest price before you buy.
On your body: Always wear sunscreen, the highest SPF as possible. Your skin is so fragile and such an important part of our bodies. Today's tan is tomorrow's wrinkles and skin cancer.
If you want a tattoo remember, like Herpes, a tattoo is forever. Think about how that tattoo will look when you are 80.
Never go to bed with makeup on. I don't care how tired you are, always wash your face before bed. Your skin will thank you for it. Don't mess with your haircolor. And speaking of hair, make sure you do deep conditioning at least weekly.
Take good care of your teeth. Brush twice daily. And floss once a day. Here's a tip....I used to keep floss sticks in my car and I would floss while driving. Really.
Keep up with your doctor and dentist. Visit each once a year.
Eat healthy most of the time. Limit fried food. And sweets. And soda.
Look at labels when you shop for food. Check the calories, carbs, and sugar.
Wash your face twice daily and use retinol before bed. Do masks as needed.
On make-up.....Less is more.
On Plan A: Follow your dreams, just remember that not all of your dreams will come true. So have a Plan B just in case you don't get what you want. And you may be mad about not getting what you want, that's okay, someday you will look back and see how this decision benefited you in the long run. Speaking of long run, when you are making a decision, consider how it will affect your life both short and long term.
On alcohol and drugs: Alcohol makes you act really stupid. And a hangover is the devils' revenge. Marijuana is okay in my book, as long as you are responsible while under the influence. You shouldn't drive while high and you shouldn't make important decisions while under the influence. Don't ever smoke weed that you are not familiar with, i.e., you are at a concert and someone is passing a joint. Not a good idea for you to take a toke when you don't know where it came from. Same with alcohol. And if you go to a bar, never take your eyes off of your drink. It should be in your hand 100% of the time.
On religion and politics: Keep an open mind about both. And never talk politics or religion with a group of people. Fastest way to get a fight started.
Be open-minded: There are three schools of thought: the positive, the negative, and no opinion. Don't make decisions until you have looked at all sides.
The next time you are tempted to be rude to someone because they were "terse" with you, remember that you don't know what is going on in their life. They may be having a bad day...had a fight with spouse, got their period today...you get my meaning here. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and at the end of the transaction I say, "Thank you (insert name here) for helping me and I hope you have a blessed day." Most folks are very appreciative that you noticed them and they usually soften right up.
Do ask someone to repeat what they said if you don't understand the first time. You would be amazed how many people, myself included, just nod and smile and say ok when we have no idea what was said. I have nodded, smiled, and said okay more than a few times, and doing this has cost me some very embarrassing moments that I will not share here. Trust me, just ask for clarification.
Follow your instincts.
Don't try to be perfect. No one is. Not even me. But when I was your age, I thought I was.
Never put your purse on the floor in the ladies' room. Major nasty germs. Ew.
Never put your fingers in your mouth. And biting your nails is oh so gross. Always wash your hands before you eat and after using the restroom.
Trust is earned.
I
If you ever wonder why you are here, what your purpose in life is, I would be happy to have that conversation with you. Whenever you are ready.
My mother, your great-grandmother, told me something before she died. She said 'don't have regrets, do what you want to do."
I am passing this on to you to do as you see fit.
Remember, when it comes to your life, there is only one person you have to please and that is yourself.